[valexand]

He will tell you "sure, yea, come one! Totally!". My feeling is no. Currently we are just friends. I've never made any moves on him (yes, it did cross my mind, he's cute) because of my inner gut telling me that he is not over her. They got divorced more than a year ago. I really do feel that she was the love of his life. She had walked out on him several times before they were married (like 3 times) and he always took her back.
He asked me to join him on a 4-day trip to this really romantic place. I'm confused about this. We are friends. We are friends...and I got to keep telling myself this so I don't end up doing something stupid (I'm saying this because I'm horribly alone in my own personal life, 32 and never had a boyfriend).

As we were planning out our trip and getting excited about it he slipped out a "...yea, that's what we had done last time!". Referring to a time when he had gone there with his ex wife. 1) I was surprised that he wanted to spend this much money to RE-visit a place, 2) I'm sure images and memories will be flooding his brain during our stay, 3) He will probably want to go to every restaurant and every beach they had gone together. My question: Is this a trip among friends (?), or is this his trip down to memory lane...I mean...should I bring tissues with me???

Men....and I mean all of them, have always seen me only as a good friend. They all have expressed that I am the coolest girl they have ever met but....nothing more than that. So far NOBODY has ever felt romantically or serious about me. Anyway.....I'm guessing he asked me to go with him only cause he didn't want to be alone. At first I thought "hurray! he wants to spend so much time with me! Maybe he also wants give it a try!".

I'm afraid that he doesn't care so much about making memories with me, I'm just a presence to keep him company while he travels in his past.

[jerrymichele]

The way I see it, is that you really don't know. I think that it will all come out while you are on the vacation. Even if he just want to be friends I would still go and have a good time. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but going threw a divorce is very painful, and it also takes a while to heal from it. Just go and have a good time, and don't expect to much. If you want to date then I would go ask some of your friends to start setting you up on blind dates. You could try the online dating sites, and see if there is a singles club in your area. Hope this helps.

[valexand]

I know what you mean. Sure, he is going through a divorce and I love him enough to simply go ahead and make myself available as a distraction during this short vacation. But I know deep down that he is not interested in me, not in that way. I did have hopes but if he were interested in me, wouldn't he call? Wouldn't he want to spend extra time with me? I asked him out to watch a movie with me and he said no....so....what does this mean?
I sort of feel that I am being used in a way. If he had somebody else to go with....like a g/f or a woman he really liked....he wouldn't be calling be to join him. This makes me so sad. Sometimes I pick up some sort of resentment from him and I tend to believe that it comes from him not really wanting me as company for his trip. I was simply his only choice. His last choice.
For my own self I've come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to happen. I'll just be alone forever. Fine. Screw it. Mountains are no strangers to snow, right? Shame though. Once again I'm not given the proper chance. Shame.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by valexand

I know what you mean. Sure, he is going through a divorce and I love him enough to simply go ahead and make myself available as a distraction during this short vacation. But I know deep down that he is not interested in me, not in that way. I did have hopes but if he were interested in me, wouldn't he call? Wouldn't he want to spend extra time with me? I asked him out to watch a movie with me and he said no....so....what does this mean?
I sort of feel that I am being used in a way. If he had somebody else to go with....like a g/f or a woman he really liked....he wouldn't be calling be to join him. This makes me so sad. Sometimes I pick up some sort of resentment from him and I tend to believe that it comes from him not really wanting me as company for his trip. I was simply his only choice. His last choice.
For my own self I've come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to happen. I'll just be alone forever. Fine. Screw it. Mountains are no strangers to snow, right? Shame though. Once again I'm not given the proper chance. Shame.

You will find someone. It will come. It's really hard to get deeply involved with a man who is going threw a divorce, just like it is with a woman. As far as the trip he's paying for it, so I would have fun going. I wouldn't think of it as he was your last choice. If that was the case he would have just invited anyone. I wouldn't take it to personal if he shows resentment. I don't think that it's you. He probably has a lot on his mind right now. As far as the movie thing maybe he had something going on. You should start dating as couple of men at once so you don't get to attached. I would have your friends set you up on dates. I just wouldn't throw everything into this man right at the moment because he's going threw a divorce. Keep posting K.

[valexand]

Oh no, no, no. He's not paying for my share. I'm paying for my own share. I was the one that even suggested different rooms and then he came down with the proposition of "sharing" a room cause to make the trip as cheap as possible.
You know what..the only time anyone paid anything for me was when I was 19. That dude bought a Cola. That was the first and last time anyone -specifically a guy- bought me anything. Pretty lame, huh? I guess I'm not worth their pennies.

As I said, I'm just there as a distraction so that he would not be alone and to make his vacation cheaper.
I will go and I will have fun. I'm paying for it.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by valexand

Oh no, no, no. He's not paying for my share. I'm paying for my own share. I was the one that even suggested different rooms and then he came down with the proposition of "sharing" a room cause to make the trip as cheap as possible.
You know what..the only time anyone paid anything for me was when I was 19. That dude bought a Cola. That was the first and last time anyone -specifically a guy- bought me anything. Pretty lame, huh? I guess I'm not worth their pennies.

As I said, I'm just there as a distraction so that he would not be alone and to make his vacation cheaper.
I will go and I will have fun. I'm paying for it.

I'm sorry I thought that he was paying for the whole entire trip.So, now I think that he's a jerk. I'm saying this now, because I thought he was paying for the entire trip. If you have to go then do have fun, but I wouldn't put all my energy into him. Let me ask you something. When you and a man find and attraction towards each other do you always offer to pay for yourself? AND YOU ARE WORTH MORE THEN PENNIES! Another question what kind of men are you attracted to? If you would like you can pm me. When a man ask you to go anywhere with him then IMO it is his responsibility to cover the cost of everything.

[valexand]

To answer your questions:

"Let me ask you something. When you and a man find and attraction towards each other do you always offer to pay for yourself?"
I haven't ran into guys that are interested in me. I rarely go out on dates, generally nobody ever asks me out. So yes, when I'm out with a guy -who is usually just a friend- I always pay my own share.

"Another question what kind of men are you attracted to?" Nobody. Everybody thinks I'm cute and cool, gentle, kind, dependable, kinda like a little sister or a confidant. That has always been my role. They see nothing more.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by valexand

To answer your questions:

"Let me ask you something. When you and a man find and attraction towards each other do you always offer to pay for yourself?"
I haven't ran into guys that are interested in me. I rarely go out on dates, generally nobody ever asks me out. So yes, when I'm out with a guy -who is usually just a friend- I always pay my own share.

"Another question what kind of men are you attracted to?" Nobody. Everybody thinks I'm cute and cool, gentle, kind, dependable, kinda like a little sister or a confidant. That has always been my role. They see nothing more.

Valexand I'm trying to help you ok. Have you asked any of your friends if they can set you up with someone? If these guys are single then I'm sure some of them have single friends. Even if they are in a relationship their signifigant other could even set you up on a date. I have asked my friends to set me up on dates before, so there is nothing strange about this. Have you tried online dating sites, and going to a singles club in your area? I have also done this.

[valexand]

Thanks jerrymichele, I am very thankful to you for helping me.

My friends know that I am alone. Yes, they also do have single friends. They never introduce me to anyone. I have come to believe that they enjoy seeing me like this. Maybe they need me like this because who else is going to help them with the babysitting, or the hourly therapy sessions where they bash their husbands and their lives, or do them favours?

Some of my girlfriends have actually teased me by saying "Oh...there is this cool guy that I know, and you will totally like him and bla bla bla". There is never a follow-up to this conversation though. Last time a "friend" said this to me, she acted it up just to see what my reaction would be and if I would show despiration. I calmly told her "Sure, send him over." Till this day I'm still waiting for her call....(it's been more than 6 months). Oh! And get this....one other of my female friends found 2 guys to introduce me to....and oh...what luck one of them was a train-wreck (completely beaten down from his ex-wife) and the other was divorced, twice my age and with 4 toddler boys!!!!!!!!! I guess my female friends are getting a kick out my single status.

My male friends are now very distant. I really do miss those. Their g/f, fiancees, wives don't allow them or simply distract them from hanging out with their female friends. With these guys I have never had any attraction issues. They were like brothers to me. They had no reason to distance me. Are they afraid of me because I'm single? Are they afraid of their husbands cause I'm usually prettier than them? (I'm not being vain here. I am not that ugly, but most of the times I am cuter than the women my male friends ended up with). In any case...no chances with my male friends to introduce me to somebody. They are gone.

Yes, I've tried internet dating for 2 years. Let me tell you....in all cases...these men were weird, not normal at all. Plus they all lied with their photo, their hobbies and what they were looking for. Every -very public- meeting I had with them ended up with them liking me but with me running for my life. Once one of them completely freaked me out because he was so nervous he kept putting his fingernail in between his teeth. At some point he was pressing his gums so bad that blood was coming out!!!!! That was also the last attempt I made with internet dating. I so do not suggest it. Never again. Healthy men are not located there. They are out, having fun, doing activities that are fun, they are always busy. I have found dosens of good healthy fun guys...the thing is that they never want me. They always like to keep me close as a friend and then go for one of my girlfriends or some other random chick. When they lock up a relationship, then they vanish completely from my life.

[jerrymichele]

Those girls that are your friends, aren't really your friends. That is really mean how they treat you. You know you seem so nice. I don't see how anyone could be so cruel to you. You know what, I am going to ask my bf about this. Maybe he can tell me how we can help you. I always ask another guy something if I can't figure out something about guys. I will get back with you on this k.