My trust issues are ruining my relationships - Need advice

From my first relationship when I was 18 I had issues trusting my girlfriend and it ruined that relationship. From then on it's been one failed relationship after the other and I remember nearly everyone of them I've had a hard time trusting.

Now I'm in my 30s and involved with a woman who seems to be head over heels for me. She drives down from her place to meet me every weekend, she's always complimenting me, she talks about our future etc.... But then there was a period where an ex-boyfriend of hers was trying to win her back and it made me so completely upset and worthless that it created so many problems between us. Well, we're getting through that and she's told me that she's spoken to him and told him to leave her alone but I just can't seem to stop worrying and wondering where she's at all the time and who she's with. I'm constantly trying to catch her in a lie, calling her to make sure she's home, I peek at her phone to see if there are calls that I don't recognize. I can't go on like this! This constant worrying is driving me mad!

I can definitely see a pattern here in my relationships and trust but the sad part is I keep thinking I might be accurate in my assumptions and there is validity in my fears. What can I do about this? Where do I start to trust and let go of this worrying & fear that haunts me?

I wish I cld help I am just now talking to a man I hope to date but am already concerned about some of those same things. I'm hoping if I ask he will be open and I won't have to worry. Good luck to you

well...I'm like you too...trust issue and jealousy...and I think when you think this way, things are happening too...I found out, if I think positive and push those thoughts away, then good things will happen....
if you like her, just trust her and don't be afraid....what will happen at the end? if you don't trust her, it's possiblity of losing her....but if you trust her, then there is possiblity to stay with you....
you got to over come your fear...I think you protect yourself so much....I know it for fact....I'm so afraid to get hurt that I'm creating the situation and I'm the one who get hurt and stay alone!

take care and be relaxed....she likes you and he's the EX
Marjan

If she didn't like you then she would not drive to see you. Sounds to me like she is really trying to get you to trust her. What you could do is write down what you feel, and see if it adds up to how she is.

I've never been one for distrusting...anyone, really....until they've EARNED it, themselves. But even then, I am the forgiving kind, and always seek the good to be had in most any situation.
We all make mistakes, and with that, I always offer a second chance. But, there is a limit.
"Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me"

You are creating disaster for yourself from your own fears. Perhaps, therapy is your solution to this issue of yours?

You create your own reality...simple as that. And, just like you've said yourself, you are seeking for lies..(that just are NOT there, might I add). Because of your determination of finding these negative influences, you are creating them YOURSELF. I can almost guarantee you that you will not find HER as the cause of your relationship failing....even though you are certainly seeking to cast blame upon her.

We ALL have a past, and those pasts include other persons. However, they are persons of that past = once WAS...past tense.
From the sound of it, this woman truly IS desiring you, yet you refuse this to suceed. You are sabotaging your own self here, and until you put an end to this behavior of yours, you are doomed to repeated disasters.

How fair is this behavior of yours to this woman who is apparently investing herself into this relationship with you? Imagine the frustrations, confusions and heartache you are creating for her.
She repeatedly proves herself worthy, yet you continue to deny her the trust she deserves.....This is doomed to fail...if you continue this pattern with her.
You have to ask yourself....How much more loss are you willing to take because of your fears? You seem to have a definate awareness of this problem..so from there..begin to confront it through therapy?..Seek the root to the issue, and you can only accomplish this with trained assistance. I can't think of anything else BUT therapy, due to the fact of your awareness of this, yet your inability to overcome it alone.

Perhaps, try a different approach regarding this person of her past:
Instead of convincing yourself that he is the successor, (which he is NOT), maybe, convert that negative thought into the positive BY realizing that, (regardless of his attempts), YOU are the one she's chosen....which makes you the obvious successor.
THAT alone should send you some definate confirmed signals.

I wish you the best. Think positive thoughts. She loves you. And love her for that.....love YOURSELF for that.

Shangrala

You know I agree with a lot of this. Therapy could do you some good. My bf has some cheating issues from his past relationship, and boy can he drive me insane with accusing me of cheating. He is a really good man, and if I could change anything about him it would be this. I have never gave him a reason at all. And when he starts feeling insecure he likes to get mad at me for no reason. It drives me nuts. This don't happen all the time because if it did I couldn't be with him. Just every now in then.

hi i am new at pc but not new at life lol

i have some major trust issues.

but i was honest about it with my bf and he tries to help

we try to be very transparent in our relationship.

when i get freaked or paranoid, or jealous of who comments on his facebook, LOL, there is one thing i say to myself. """can i change him or control him and should i change him or control him""" (((answer NO))) ok....do i love him (((YES)))

i have to take the risk . all love has risk assigned to it. it is part of the package. when we give our heart and soul to someone, well, we may get hurt.

trust issues are very difficult to get past. and the paranoia and fear can damage healthy and positive relationships

be honest and open with your true love. share your trust issues.
be vulnerable (you already are.......) but own that vulnerability.
if you are loved for your deep and truest SELF, your lover will help you feel safe in your relationship
it will be the beginning of your healing
and a building of trust in your relationship
(note . there are already signs that this will happen re the way your lover acts)
wishing you the best

Well, I have to say; I think everyone is for the most part right on the money with this whole trust thing. I think this is something I need to seek help with and tackle head on. The sooner I find out what this 'fear' is about the sooner I can start working on trusting others.

Thanks a million everyone for your feedback and responses - I really appreciate it!

i know how you feel, but try it with the same sex....my mind goes wild and i get crazy thought about things....