Should I be offended-Part II.

The same friend that has a stereotypical attitude about spanish people and white people regarding work ethic also has a 14 yr old daughter who has been friends with my 13 yr old son since they were babies. They go to school together. We walk at night together as well and the kids go. Her mom and new step-dad (this is step-dad #4 who just got out of prison) do not let their daughter talk to boys at all and most of the time she is not allowed to come out of the house to hang out with all the kids because they don't want her around boys. Last night we got back from walk and my son, another boy, and their daughter were talking about school because they just registered and her mom and dad told my son and the other boy to get away from their daughter. This is so freaking weird. How is the girl ever going to develop social skills? And it offends me that she does not want my son around her daughter. All the kids in the neighborhood come to my house because I have an amusement park in my backyard practically and I also have the video games and so my house is always full. They have eaten dinner with us and her girls have come over to play video games and now she has made the comment that she doesn't want her girls in my house because I have boys. The way she talks, you would think my boys were going to attack her girls or something. My 13 yr old doesn't even like the girl in that way, he thinks of her as a sister bc they have grown up together. How can she be so freaked out about boys hanging around her girls when she has had 4 live in boyfriends (2 who were in prison) live in her house with her two girls in the last8 years? Should I drop this friendship?

Seriously offended mom

I don't know if I would say to drop the friendship but I will admit that their issues with other races is a bit frustrating.
You should look at things from her point of view though. She has a 14 year old daughter. This is the time the daughter is starting to get very interested in boys, and not just hand holding. This is the time when sex really becomes an issue. Girls are even starting at a younger age now, my cousin is in 6th grade and he had a girl in his class ask if he wanted her to perform fellatio on him. The mother may just be trying to protect her daughter from becoming one of those girls.
Her daughter may have already begun to become sexually active and the mother found out and is on her guard. It sounds though, that she is just trying to protect her daughter and you can't fault her for that.
The fact though that the girl has had 4 step fathers isn't very reassuring especially since one of them just got out of jail. I think you should try and keep your family away from that house while the ex con is still there.
Don't be discouraged by her just because she doesn't want her teenage daughter to spend time with boys. This is a perfectly understandable thing given the time we live in now.

Geesh, isn't is great when your friends push your buttons over and over again.

It might be connected to culture/tradition, similar to Catholic boys and girls going off to separate schools once they reach puberty and feel the effects of hormones. It might also be a desperate attempt on the part of your friend to keep her daughter from making the same mistakes she did in life. If so, I commend her for trying.

I'm thankful I had a son and he's already grown, lol. I'm not sure how I'd raise a young girl in today's world. So many of them become pregnant before they have a chance to acquire the skills, wisdom and ways and means to raise a child properly.

I don't believe this has anything to do with you or your son personally. It would only be an issue if your son wanted a relationship with this girl. If your son isn't interested, I'm sure he's not losing any sleep over her parent's rules to stay away.

I don't really see why this should threaten your friendship. If it's been a long and close one, you could always just chalk it up to knowing your friend is a bit overprotective of her daughter - and your son is simply irresistible.

I agree with the onther posts. If that woman's 14 year old dughter is anythign like my 14 y/o niece, it is wise to keep her away fom boys right now. My niece is'nt sleeping around but she dresses provocativly and wears, I swear 3 layers of makeup. That and the girl has got this 14 y/o "I know everything" attitude. I am so glad I got 2 boys instead of a girl. I know how it is to be a girl so I don't want to have the kind of worry I'm sure I put on my mom when I hit that age. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your son and your family though. The parents are probably having some trouble out of their daughter or some reason to not want her to go around boys. My mom did the same thing when I was 13-14 years old. And if I was around a boy (my best friend is a guy he has been since middle school) my mom made sure we stayed at my house and she was home. So this woman is doing this out of concern for her kid. I woud'nt take it personnaly

I disagree. This girl is not sexually active. Her and her sister are never allowed to have friends over or go outside most of the time because there are boys outside. As women, we should teach our young girls to be strong, independent, assertive. If we do this, then maybe young girls won't be looking for that male to make her feel good about herself. Strong girls have strong wills and that will help them resist temptation. You can't lock them away forever. And the whole idea of staying away from boys is stupid, but yet she can spend her days alone in the house with the ex-con. Ridiculous!

I'm not saying that I agree with the woman on keeping her children locked in the house all day, I was just trying to give my idea on why she would. When my daughter is that age, she wont be locked up in the house, but I WILL know who and where she is and she wont be running the streets with a bunch of boys. If she wants to go to their house, that's fine if the parent is there, but not if they aren't home. Teens don't always look for a bed to have sex in, they can do it anywhere, that's when they are the most risky as well, just because they don't have a bed doesn't mean they wont do it outdoors, so maybe the mother is just worried about that. Even if the girl isn't sexually active today, it doesn't mean she's not thinking about it and wont be tomorrow.
I agree that young girls should be brought up to be strong women who will resist temptation, but she is a young teenager and you can't trust young teens to be 100% responsible all of the time, it's like wishing there was no more child abuse, it would be an amazing and incredible thing, but it wont ever happen. If my mom didn't trust me so much when I was younger I wouldn't have made the many mistakes that still effect me this day. But she let me run the streets with boys and everything and it really messed me up for a long time.
I do believe you are a responsible woman, but maybe your neighbor has trust issues or something.

You know I would stay away from this friend. I also think she could show some kind of respect to you. If she wants to keep her kids sheltered then it's not your problem if your son talks to her. Personally I would be offended by her smart remark to your son. To me that would be saying that you just let your son screw anyone. Sorry to put it like that. I have a daughter, and 2 boys. I think you need to voice your opinion to her. I would just tell her that we have our differences, and I don't like how you always want to bring up your issues with me. I really don't see how you can stand her. When it comes to your kids you need to draw the line with her. If she doesn't want your son around her daughter then she should tell you this, not your son. I probably would have opened up my big mouth, and said that you are one to set an example. And the next time she brings up a race issue, just plain out ask her why she's a raciest. You didn't do this, she did. Tell her that I see a person for who they are, not what your race does or another race does. I don't know I would just stay away from her. All she's doing is making you upset anyways.

This is a prime example of how important communication is with your kids.

Sounds to me that this woman may not have a very strong bond with daughters, and granted, although she may intend to protect her dots from exposure to boys, seems to me that it can also be her way of avoiding the effort of maintaining communications with dots.

We cannot always shelter our children from the evils out there. They NEED exposure to learn how to survive what awaits them.
The more they are told they cannot, the more they are challenged, and determined TO obtain what they are denied....even if to prove to themselves that they can, or just to spite the parent who refuses them the opportunity.
This doesn't mean that kids should be allowed to run wild without any guidance..on the contrary. However, I firmly believe that kids should be treated with the intellegence that they do have and the respect they so deserve.

So long as there is strong communications with your kids, mutual trust and respect, then any obstacle that they do encounter they will face with confidence knowing that you are available for them to discuss any issues/questions they may have, especially knowing that judgements will not be passed upon them for being at the curious age that they presently are.

Perhaps, it wouldn't have been a personal matter toward you IF she didn't present it the way she had. However, she did, and it was, in it's own right offensive to a point.

Her own actions are a contradiction to what her words are....seemingly, again, passing the buck of her responsibility by placing it onto others.
She subjects her dots to these various men having little to no regard to the fact that her dots are exposed to exactly what she is casting responsibility onto the boys. That certainly doesn't say much for her character. She seems to be sending the signal, "Do as I say, not as I do", but not just to her own dots, but to everyone else, as well.

Long term established friendship or not, I'd shy away from her drama.
That's all you'll need to discover at a later point..that she suddenly finds reason to directly blame your son for something that never occurred.
No thanks!

Shangrala