Internet Relationships???

Ok, so I'm having a "relationship" ...if it can be called that...with a guy online. I only know what he chooses to tell me, it's not like I can afford to run a background check or anything.

I just wondered if anyone here ever met a man online that a genuine IRL relationship developed with, and if it was a positive experience or not?

Peace,
Julia
xox

Hope you have better luck than I'm having .
I'm guessing you will .

Hi Julia
I wanted to give you a little hope in your possibly dark tunnel.I met my sweetheart on MyS***e......and a month ago we celebrated our 1 year anniversary.He has been there for me thru some very rough times as I have for him.Now,as good as all that sounds we did have "issues" at the start of our relationship...neither one of us wanted to let go of that part of the internet,we continued on there and with messenger services for IM'ing and such and we got caught in quite a few sticky situations.Thankfully they only involved talking and cyber things but no infidelity (more on his part than mine) He decided to make a true commitment to me and started counseling for about 4 months(actually getting diagnosed with a internet sexual addiction).....unfortunately he had to stop his sessions because his employer closed the doors. All that MyS***e junk and Yah** crap is gone for both of us but he has never again ever gave me a solid reason to ever doubt his commitment again.Again,i dont want to make it seem like we are all flowers and happy places,lol.....but i do love him very much as he does me and i feel very blessed to have had him enter my life.Good Luck to you...if you need an ear to listen to you or just to vent feel free to PM me......

I got an offer of marriage (after only a month) and a phone stalker. I've given up on online dating/relationships but you never know. As long as you feel like things are going well just see how it goes!

Twelve years ago, I struck up a conversation online with a man on AOL who was in the same line of work I was , i.e. computers. He described himself as "an English gentleman and a lot more." I thought, oh, I bet he would be interesting to talk to.

We talked for 5 months and then one week, I happened to be in his area (Kansas City where he flew in to work every week) so we decided to have dinner while I was there.

We had exchanged photographs a couple months earlier so we knew what each other looked like. When we met, we were both sorely disappointed! I had cut my long hair into a short bob, and his picture was twelve years old! But we had dinner anyway and then we had dinner again the following evening.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.

Hubby and I met in an ADD yahoo chat room seven years ago we even have a little boy together ! ( he took me on with five kids and bad depression ) He is MPD I am BPD but it works lol.

((((Babysteps))))

((((Want2Escape)))) Thank You for sharing that! I'm glad it worked out so well for you both!

((((ZeTeBu)))) ...I'm sorry it was so negative for you And thanks for the advice

wow ((((((Vickie)))))) that is really cool

Happy 10th Anniversary to you both!

((((Tishie)))) ...that is so cool. I'm glad it worked out that way for you both

I've only had bad experiences with guys online. One guy I "dated" became obsessed with me after a month or so and expressed his "love" for me; then he'd stop talking to me within a month. I have made friends, but relationships...just havn't worked.

Katileena, sorry to hear that happened to you. I've also made a lot of friends online that I've met up with in person. But I've never had a relationship with anyone online before and just wondered if anyone else had. Again, sorry it went that way for you but thanks for sharing.

Hi there, my boyfriend and I met on Y**oo personals. We are going on two years and are living together. I am so happy with him. My best friend also met her now husband in the same place. They now have a child. Do be careful though I also met alot of losers, but all of them were worth the wait to meet my boyfriend now. Its worth a shot! Good luck!

It can be good but challenging. I don't want to go into details here (have in other threads) but five years ago I met someone who I felt was possibly a great match for me. Only online situation I've ever been involved with - rest have all been IRL relationships.

You have to think that Internet relationships are "fantasy in action". You can meet someone and not entirely be in a full relationship. Why bother with internet-only relationships. Just move into a long distance telephone relationship once you both agree you're "involved" in all the chat stuff. Chat and email is very limiting emotionally. They can convey information - but they cannot act as a full relationship. They are basically "living dreams". Get on the phone and see if you have the ability to communicate there. Phones are "unlimited" more or less if you have an internet phone (Vonage, Cable-service) or Skype. Cost of long distance used to be an issue but not anymore.

I have a hard time watching my son who is 14 using chat and phone texting all the time. He is not learning what a real relationship is all about. My wife says "all the kids are doing it". However, I see signs of ADD and inability to have time for yourself. He's pretty much "plugged in" all day long. We just got him a cell phone for his birthday on the 17th. He's already logged nearly 3000 text messages (we got unlimited plan). I will keep watching it closely but I get upset about it sometimes. I was upset with him when he texted his mom (my wife) to call her to dinner last night rather than walk to the other room and ask her to come join us.

Thanks for that katielee. It's amazing how many people have met online. But like you say it pays to be careful as well. Congrats to you for it working out though.

bonaire,

Thanks for your response.

You're right that it has to move on at some point to voice conversation or there's no point in classing it as a relationship. I find skype great for that. It also shows how committed, if at all, both are when in different time zones and having to work that out to be practical for both.

And about your son. Yes, a lot of kids nowadays seem to think it's normal to communicate that way. I personally think they're missing out on a lot but...maybe we've just got different ideas not having grown up with technology? Like my nieces, nephews, son, all do the same. They'll send a text from their bedroom to say they love you. Leaves me scratching my head too!

I have seen Internet relationships go both ways. My sweetheart and I meet on pogo. I couldn't believe it. I thought I was nuts. But we have been together for 7 years. She has 1 child and I have 2. But our children do not live with us. I do love her so much and she understands my depression some what. Hugs for your day.

That's cool ((alaskan)) ...hugs for you and your Sweetheart

((Lost)) my neighbors meet on the net,,,,,feel in love ...and are now very very happily marryed.
But as always everyone should be careful while on the net...they took thier time as ppl should ...i think they took years to get to know each other. Good luck to you and yours

((((muffy)))) ...thanks for this. I'm seeing a lot of folks that have met on the net and are very happy. But thanks for pointing out to be careful. I for one tend to be too trusting, which has got me hurt a lot IRL, and I think folks tend to let their guard down even more online.

Peace and Love to you and yours, ((muffy))

Well, I wanted to share something about this... I have met someone casually "online" and I haven't been looking for it. But we just started talking and talking and talking... I am starting to feel so attracted to this guy since I sense he is really nice. We have not developed sexual chats or anything but He always sais he likes me and could keep talking to me for a long time. I feel completeley kind of "in love", though I am consciouss of the limitations(since we do not know each other in the real world yet)

Our conversations have been very deep and fun... We have talked about literature, poetry, music, and lately our daily life things, like small details of family members, or just talking about life...

I am so glad to talk with him, and I feel(he has told me) we have a sort of attatchment, I am very happy, but at the same time I feel so dizzy!!! Last yr I left a long relationship(8yrs), I had to move places, and so many things, that the least of things I wanted to do is develop a relationship so quickly, but I see that here I go again, lol.

I cannot express in words what I feel with this person, I know I can not call it love either, because I think love truelly develops in real life... But, I can say that yes my feelings are true, and that he is honest. We do not connect everyday, I think this is important(though I wish we could, lol) to keep real life a little. But I just talk so much to him, and I admire the simple stories of life that we share, and also our own relflections on life. Also, this person has sent me pictures, has showed me websites he shares with a brother, but has never tried to get me on webcam. Little by little we show each other... I think this is sane and decent, as to say it somehow. Samll glimpses of each others life, knowing each one of us that it could be real or ot. Joy and not sorrow, craving to expect the next words. He is genuinely winning my heart!

Is this infatuation? Well, I think that any relationship, online or not if it is not taken to real life will never truelly be a relationship... That's bottomline. I reccomend to really listen to waht the other person has to say, to share and le live. If u listen intently, you will know the other person in thoughts, which is very important, and u could take the next stop to actions.. But always bcareful, and check on yourself(should apply this to myself lately ), be consciouss and patient because u never know... And be honest most importantly, If u sense that someone is not honest, just leave it....

I don't know if someone could help me with this... but I have a doubt. I have been feeling low in my self esteem, and I doubt so much of myslef, ans I am afraid that if one day I see this person if I could allow myself to love him because I have low self esteem. I do not want to harm him with my low selfesteem... He is starting to mean a world to me... And I know myself in this sense, if I ever like him for real or fall in love I would just go to him at the end, lol Is this crazy??

I mean... can I allow myself to love someone though I have low selfesteem?

Hi rappacinisgarden

First, thank you so much for this post and sharing your own experience. I relate to a lot of what you say here but will respond, if you don't mind, to your comments of low self-esteem.

I also have incredibly low self-esteem and worry about it in every relationship, even just with friends. But I think you could perhaps help yourself by focusing on one thing? This man truly seems to enjoy your company, even if it is just online. So, if he ever asked you if you felt ready and able to take things to the next level (i.e. meeting in real life) ...then regardless of how you view yourself, he obviously feels you are worth being with! That is the thing to focus on, I think. Having low self-esteem (or a low opinion of oneself, little confidence in oneself) does not mean you are a bad person to know or be with!

And I truly wish I could give you tips on how to boost your self-esteem but I'm still working on that myself. However, you may already know, we do have a self-esteem/self-improvemnet forum here which may be of help to you?

Peace to you,
Julia
xox

Thank you so much for your reply, becuase yes I think that he is interested, but takes it slowly(which makes me more crazy for his thoughts, lol)... I just feel so shy.. I have measured all his words, and all his thoughts said to me... He just seems like a true person, with honest feelings and high values...

The other day, we talked by telephone for the first time, lol and it was so funny. I was so nervous and became shy, but he wasn't so much, i thought he was natural. Well we could only talk for a few minutes becasue I ran out of credit,lol but later we went into chat again, and he said that he liked it,lol To my astonishment I just can't get enough of him. Next time, when he fixes his mic(he vacumed it the last time!!!lol) we will connect through skype which would be free for both of us ... Wat will happen next??

And another thing... Well he lives in Texas and I live in Spain. Both of us are poor at the moment, can't think much of going to see him at the moment or he coming here....But who knows wat could happen...