Why are some guys so cold

I dated this guy I met at work for about 2 months this summer. Things weren't exactly great, however. He has depression and is an alcohol abuser; I was trying to help him with it but he would never talk to me. Eventually, it got to the point no words were ever spoken between us and I finally brought it up. Well, talking basicly turned to breaking up.

So we've been broken up for over a month, and I've had mixed feelings over it. He wasn't the right guy for me, but I still care about him and still would like to be friends. And here's where I'm completely frustrated! We see each other quite often because I am a bartender and he comes to my establishment a few times a week. He never says a word to me, it's like I'm invisible to him. He won't look at me, anything. I'm just ready to explode! And it hurts me alot to have someone that I was close to intimately to just disregard me like that.

How can someone just shut down like that? I don't get it...I can't do it; and he expects me to just get over it. Idk but I hate this and I'm going to have to deal with it for a while because I can't quit my job. Any advice on ways to deal with someone like this?

He's probably doing his cold shoulder on purpose. I would act like it didn't bother me. I think that you ending that relationship was the best thing for you. People who abuse any type of substance can be harmful for the other person. If it was me I would ask the boss to bar him from coming there. You will find somebody else.

Although it might be the ideal solution, I'm not sure your boss would be in favor of barring a paying customer from the bar. If you can simply tell yourself that this guy has problems beyond your ability to help, then maybe you can let it go at that. I dated a guy once and something occurred during one of our dates that really embarassed him. I won't go into what it was cuz it would take a while to explain it. But after the date, I never heard from him, I would see him but he acted like I didn't exist.

This is how some people deal with emotions they can't handle. I never understood how a grownup, mature person could simply turn off like that but they do. It's how they survive.

Just keep telling yourself, "It's not me. It's not me." Realize that whatever it is, it's much, much bigger than you. See if you can not take it as personal.

Turn him over to God.

very simple....He doesn't want you and he's a total jerk....what are you his doctor, mother, sister that you care about him and you want to cure him????
come on girl...try to go out with other guys and flirt with other guys....and close his chapter...I know it's easy to say, but this is the truth....

I'm like you too....if you read my previous posts, you will see how frustrated I was and how I made fool of myself trying so hard to be with him....Now, that I can think more clearly, I know that he didn't want me....he was just keeping me aside, because he couldn't replace me easily....then he went out so much without me till he found another girl....that's how guys are....

Honesty, I think we should learn from them and do the same thing...

don't quite your job....make him so drunk that the security guard kick him out of the shop....smart move....he will be so embarrassed then!

take care
Marjan

Bingo Vickie....excellent perception.

Shame is a vicious emotion,,,it takes a simple mistake and cascades it into Niagra....

I would find a moment when you can talk quietly with him and simply tell him that you are sorry that he cannot be your freind because you are his...

When all things fail,,,give Love without expectation....actually its better if you do this first.....

Lenny

Jerrymichele - Thank you for the advice but there is no way he would be barred from the bar; he's a friend of the owner.

Vicky - Yes, that's how I feel! I don't understand why someone who is 26 years old can act so immature and juvenile towards me. I guess not everyone can handle themselves the way I'd like them to.

Marjan - "He doesn't want you" was kind of harsh...I'm here for advice on what to do when he comes around. I'm not trying to get back with him; but you are right, I should move on and find someone new...but the "finding" part isn't my problem, its finding the RIGHT one...and keeping him.

Lenny - Finding a time to talk and tell him that would be something that would help me a lot IF he'd talk to me....but he won't, so there's no use in trying.

Thank you all for your responses. I guess the best solution is to just ignore him like he is me and pretend it doesn't bother me. In the mean time, I'm single again I hate being alone

sorry sweet heart for being harsh on you....but who cares what he wants...that doesn't really matter....
However, if you read my threads, you will find out how much I wasted my time thinking about the same guy over and over again....instead of thinking that he just doesn't want me, and he kept me aside while he continued his shopping and enjoying my attention....once he found another girl...he didn't care about me anymore....If I was smart enough, I would accept the fact that he's not into me....and he doesn't want me, because if he wanted me he would have treated me well like the beginning of our relationships, but he didn't....because he didn't want me in his life!!!!
Sometimes, we like the guy so much that we get so blind....
You have a cool job, I'm sure you can meet lots of guys....be more specific....and try to catch the ones that don't drink too much....and ask about their job stuff....
good luck and sorry again to hurt your feelings...
Marjan

It looks like he was so self centered that when he did not find what he was looking for he backed off. or shut off to him you may be a non-person, ignore him, he's not what you need in your life.
You need a positive shareing friend not a self centered problem child.
unfortunelatlly I do find my self "stepping back to reevaluate" the situation in a similar manner when my girl friend pushes a button that my ex trained me for but I hope this isn't the same. Some paths are not to be repeated, only understood.