Getting around Brick Walls..

Hey everyone.. Just wondering if anyone has some advice. I met this guy over 6 months ago. He was clearly interested in me and was always asking to take me out, and just all in all, was always being really sweet to me. I had my brick walls up, but finally after 6 months of getting to know him, the walls came down. I returned the feelings. but as soon as I did, he got scared off and now his walls are up. He even admits that his defences have been up for a long time.

I think he's perfect for me, I believe the only problem is that as soon as he saw I was available and willing to commit to him, his walls went up to keep me out.

My question is, how do I brake down these walls, or atleast get around them?

Sometimes when we turn around and walk away from a brick wall, the person behind it will manage to climb over it!

Gain back his trust. Simply be a friend. Hang out with him, talk to him, be friendly. Let him know that you're here for him 100%. I think that what things like this need most of all is time. Some people take awhile to fully trust someone, but if you don't give up on him I'm sure he will trust you in time. Just keep being patient, keep being a friend, and things just may get better. Good luck.

I don't really have any advice because I'm dealing with the same thing after about 8 months. Every now and then I can get him to admit that he flips out over little things and becomes very sarcastic/defensive and he says he doesn't like being like that and wants to change but sooner or later it always goes back to the way it was. I have learned that, until they want to change for themselves, there really isn't much you can do. If they change for you they will (almost always) resent you and if they don't, you end up resenting them. And if it's not for themselves, it will always go back to how it always was.

If this seems like something you can't get around then you might want to think about where this relationship is going. I have decided to allow my bf to choose his own rate of dealing with his issues. I have learned how to alter my communication or attitude when I can sense he is in a certain mood and I have learned how to deal with those times. That, in and of itself, has solved a lot. So even if he never totally breaks down those walls he has, I at least know how to handle it and can love him for who he is.

Hope this helps.

I hope that your not blaming yourself for this. This is his issue. I know it sucks because it's like he's taking it out on you. When my bf gets insecure about something, I end up feeling it also. Something happened in his past, so that is why I think your bf is being this way. Maybe you can find out what it is, and see if the two of you can work threw it.

Thanks so much! You all gave great advice! I think I'll TRY the patience thing. As hard as it'll be.

Jerrymichele, He's actually not my boyfriend. Basically what happend, is he pursued me for 6 months, tried to get me to let him take me out. I wasn't really interested in him, but i loved talking to him, so I kept talking to him over msn/text. Then one night, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I gave him a chance and let him take me out. We saw eachother about 4-5 times after that. I was falling hard for him, then almost out of the blue he wanted to stop seeing eachother. We still talk, and from conversations we've had, he told me about a talk he had with his best friend where his best friend told him "your defenses are so high, I don't think anyone can get through anymore" and then he admitted that he's a brick wall. This is what leads me to believe that the problem is that his walls are up, because it wasn't until I showed that I was falling for him, that he got scared off.

{{{Bellatrix}}}

Unfortunately, some like the persuit and the chase. I know it is hard, but try to back of as much as you can. Contact him sparingly. He will either come around or not, but at least this way you can distance yourself somewhat...

Good luck!

I agree with this post right here. I would just let him know that if he comes back that your not going to be playing these games coming in and out. IMO that's not fair to you. I hope everything woks out for you.