How?

How do you get the strength to leave the abuse and the pain when you've gone through it for so long?!

You think of your daughter.
You have a responsibility to do whatever it takes to protect her mother.

...................

((Kris))

Once you have children, it's no longer your life alone. Every step you take in life is an example for your children - whether you like it or not. Look into your daughter's eyes and find the strength to break the cycle of abuse. Would you want your daughter to settle for an abusive relationship for the sake of financial stability?

You are not weak - you just haven't found your strength yet. When you do, it will be a priceless gift to your daughter. Your strength will be passed on to her.

I can relate to trying to rationalize the "leaving the familiarity syndrom" thing.
As you already know, it's NOT easy finding the strength to leave. In fact, we have the tendancy to somehow find the means to justify WHY we remain.

It took me many years to finally leave, and I left just recently, (as you may/may not know from all the many threads I've posted).
I "should have" left hubs before daughter was even born, but I didn't really see the destruction then, (far too early, and I was quite blind to it, anyway).
Not long after dot was born, the reality set in that I was in a downhill situation. But, not being employed and being an "in-home" mom, I fell into the "dependancy" thing with hub. One thing led to another, (situation became more abusive), I was at a position of chosing between either leaving with dot, (struggling on own), uncertain of any sound means of security, or remaining in abusive situation, (try to make best of it until I could get self and dot out of it), and keeping the financial security for dot. Hard position to be in, and a very easy one to fall victim to.

15 years later, I've finally reached a point of the NO tolerance level anymore. Unfortunately, I'm not really certain the damage I may have done to my daughter in the process. The best I can do now is attend to her needs the best I can and do what's best for the both of us now.

I can only hope that you don't wait as long as I have.
Keep in mind that your daughter is #1, and the longer she is subjected to a bad situation, the harder it may be on her in the longrun to overcome. Same for yourself. Although, I perfectly understand how we justify our own sacrafices as almost meaningless at times.

I agree with Manda, think of what's best for your daughter as a general rule of what's best for self.

I wish you the best.

Shangrala

When i drive I blast the radio, I listen to songs that relate to my life. music that helps me feel stronger than I really am. Like the song "I will survive" does anyone have any songs that could help me feel stronger when I start feeling weak again?

It depends on your taste in music. These three come to mind....

"I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty.

"I Will Survive" - Gloria Gaynor

"I Will Not Be Broken" - Bonnie Raitt

Maybe you can gather some strength from this woman. My ex-husband left me for her, but never told me about her - thought he could have us both. She wrote this song after she found out about me. I suspect that's the reason he moved out of state - couldn't find a date after that song came out.

A bit off topic... Why is it that people say "I'm sorry" when someone tells them "I'm leaving my abusive husband" I don't get it. If someone said they were leaving their abuser to me I'd want to throw a party for them, not say I'm sorry... Not being mean it just confused me lol

That IS strange. I'd be tempted to respond "You'd rather I be abused - my outfit looks better with a black eye?" Maybe they are just saying they are sorry you've been abused and forced to make drastic changes in your life.

Hopefully, you'll be able to find some divorced women who've already been through the fire. I'm quite certain they'd be more than willing to don their party hats and join in the celebration of the beginning your new life - on your own terms.

Sorry to edit and delete things out but you can never be too safe... Someone likes to read everything and snoop.... Bad if said person read certain things...

Ahhh I watched the video and that was the longest 3:20 minutes of my life - had to fast forward near the end LOL Thanks Kathy.

I'm sorry I know your situation. If you're in immediate danger then of course you should leave ASAP when he's not around. If you're safety isn't a concern then leave at your earliest convenience. Do you have family who could help you?

I love the breakup song "Hope It Gives You Hell" by the American Rejects. I don't know how to download songs - perhaps someone else can do me the favour. Since my bad marriage situation I look at my husbands face and he looks like he's been through hell so that's my theme song that I sing with a SMILE on my face LOL.

LMAO Lynn - you're lucky. It was a #1 hit here for a while,and I had to listen to it over and over again - almost made my ears bleed.

Kris - No need to apologize. If you want me to delete anything, just let me know.

Does your partner…
__x__ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
__x__ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
__x__ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
__x__ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
__x__ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
__x__ Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
__x__ Call, text, or email you several times a day or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
__x__ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
__x__ Blame you for how they feel or act?
__x__ Pressure you sexually for things you don't want to do?
__x__ Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
__x__ Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
__x__ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?

Do you…
__x__ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
__x__ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior?
__x__ Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
__x__ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
__x__ Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
__x__ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke-up?

Guess it is bad...

I can't take her out of state without his permission, he can't know I'm leaving to give me permission, and he still wouldn't... I have no where to go if I leave and can't leave the state... I have no where to go here, I have to go to Florida. What do I do?

You call the police and explain your situation.

If Flordia is your only hope than that is what I would do. Your not going to get into any trouble if your leaving a dangerous situation. That's what I think anyways. You could also go to a shelter. If he is beating you, then I would get out of there ASAP. I was in a abusive relationship in every way you can think of. My advice is to start planning your get away right now. You could call a domestic violence shelter, and they should be able to give you the information you need. I know how abuse is, they take all your self worth away from you, and it never gets better it only gets worse. Take your child and get out of it.

the thing that got me was when I was just sick and tired of the abuse. I left never looking back. only took MY stuff. took nothing in the divorce. just bascially my clothes..when I had had enough it was easy at that point. have done that 3 times now.

What do I do? I'm in a complete panic!!! How do I go back to Florida w/o his consent, since I wont be able to get it?!

This is terrible... So terrible....

Did you check out this link for shelters? http://www.usattorneylegalservices.c...-Colorado.html

Yes I did and thank you, I'll probably browse it more when he's not home...