[notsohot]

I love my husband, but lately he's tiring me out! I'm always the one making the decissions. When we eat, what we eat, when we need to stop at the store, what do we need, what should we do on the weekend etc. etc. Any time I ask his opinion, he says he doesn't know or he says "yes and no" - What the hell does that mean!? I'm always making the schedule for the 2 of us. He even asks me what I have planned for my birthday!? He doesn't speak to his friends (the 1 or 2 he might have), not even his own family! He has 4 siblings, he only speaks to his mother and son. I'm the one who has to go out and make friends, and then he just tags along when I go and see my firends - mostly single girls.

He has no interests, no hobbies! Not even music! I try to listen to my music , but he doesn't like it, so I need to turn it off. I ask him what he wants to listen to, and he doesn't know. !!!

All he does is watch TV, everyday all evening when we get home from work. I can't talk to him when he's watching, I need to ask him before hand so he can pause! Even if it's the intralude of So You Think You Can Dance!!!! THE INTRALUDE! Is that soooo important?!

He also constatnly phones/emails me at work to review his work, editting/spelling etc. I'm sick of it! He never says thanks, only "Oh, that's what I thought" Like as if he already knew how to write and spell correctly.

If I ask him to do something, like checking the mouse traps in the attic, he doesn't have time! He'll do it on the weekend... but he doesn't do it on the weekend either! "Dirty" chores like that is typically the mans job, no? And why is he out of time?! TV must be taking up all his time.

I work full-time, go to school part-time, and go to aerobics twice a week in the evening. He just works full-time. When I'm not home, he can't even bring the dog for a walk! UGH!

Enough of my ranting... is this what it's going to be like? It seems like typical wife naggin about their husbands thing...

PS - we've lived together for 9 years, married for 4. It wasn't like this at the start, we'd go out for walks together, workout together, go the the mall/movies.

I need support. Thanks.

[NuckingFutz]

Wow! First gut reaction...perhaps he is suffering from depression himself? Why you ask? In the beginning of your post you talked about him having trouble making decisions, then about him not being as outgoing as he use to be, you mentioned him watching a lot of tv which is isolating, not having the motivation to do the things he use to enjoy could also be a sign. You did not mention his eating and sleeping patterns...if they have changed. In any case, maybe he should talk to his doctor to see? I know this is really hard on you and i can see your frustration and understand you feeling like that. I am not good at the support stuff but a lot of other people on here are. Just want to let you know someone is out there reading and offer what little support i can. Wish you and hubby the best!

[VickiesPath]

You did great, NF!

I agree with NF. It really does sound like he could be depressed. He sounds just like me when I'm depressed. My husband is more than willing to make all the decisions and he does when my depression sets in. It's really frustrating for him, I am well aware it is but am helpless to do anything about it if the depression is bad.

Could you have a calm, compassionate, gentle talk with him? Maybe let him know that you are concerned about him and think that maybe he needs to see someone? I would almost bet money that he's depressed.

He will need some gentle but consistent support to help him cope with this. Offer to start those walks again. Instead of or maybe between your aerobic visits, go on some extended strolls with him. Have some long talks. Maybe he'll open up more when there is no television to distract. Good luck to you and him.

[notsohot]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Wow! First gut reaction...perhaps he is suffering from depression himself? Why you ask? In the beginning of your post you talked about him having trouble making decisions, then about him not being as outgoing as he use to be, you mentioned him watching a lot of tv which is isolating, not having the motivation to do the things he use to enjoy could also be a sign. You did not mention his eating and sleeping patterns...if they have changed. In any case, maybe he should talk to his doctor to see? I know this is really hard on you and i can see your frustration and understand you feeling like that. I am not good at the support stuff but a lot of other people on here are. Just want to let you know someone is out there reading and offer what little support i can. Wish you and hubby the best!

I agree, I have gone through a b'out of deperession back in the day, so I know what it feels like. I have discussed depression with him in the past, and he says he's fine. He has seen a psychiatrist before, but he didn't like her, so he stopped going. He was prescribed anti-anxiety meds, but didn't take em'. I've tried setting up another appointment with a psychiatrist, but they say he must make the appointment himself. UGH! I wish I could bring him to my "shrink", but he doesn't think it's a good idea, he should have his own "shrink".

How can I bring it up to him again? It's difficult talking to him now, because I've been soooo crabby! I guess I can start with appologizing, and explaining how hard it can be for both of us. I want him to speak with a professional, I know it helps me a lot just talking about my thoughts with someone.

[lynn P.]

I agree with the other posters that he does sound depressed or he could just be too comfortable and stuck in this pattern. I support talking 'gently' to him - tell him what you need from him. Sounds like he's not getting enough exercise so get him to go on power walks with you. You mentioned he has anxiety - maybe it's social anxiety and that's why he prefers to stay at home.

I remember seeing on the news that one of the biggest turn ons a man can do - is to help their partners with chores around the house. It's so true that foreplay starts long before the actual touching - with kindness and consideration for your partner. You say you've been a little crabby - that's justifiable but unfortunately it usually doesn't solve the problem and if he complies, he won't do it happily. Try to have some honest nice conversation and express what you both need in the relationship. Explain that it's not fair it's all on you. Best of luck.

[notsohot]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I agree with the other posters that he does sound depressed or he could just be too comfortable and stuck in this pattern. I support talking 'gently' to him - tell him what you need from him. Sounds like he's not getting enough exercise so get him to go on pwer walks with you. You mentioned he has anxiety - maybe it's social anxiety and that's why he prefers to stay at home.

I remember seeing on the news that one of the biggest turn ons a man can do - is to help their partners with chores around the house. It's so true that foreplay starts long before the actual touching - with kindness and consideration for your partner. You say you've been a little crabby - that's justifiable but unfortunately it usually doesn't solve the problem and if he complies, he won't do it happily. Try to have some honest nice conversation and express what you both need in the relationship. Explain that it's not fair t it's all on you. Best of luck.

Thanks. I've printed off a bunch of psychiatrist profiles that are close to my hubby's work. We can do it together, I don't know if he prefers a male or female, older or younger (as in when they graduated).

That's funny you mention foreplay! The first "hot spot" is supposed to be the brain right? Well, he's definately not feeding my brain! His idea of forplay is running me a bath and telling me he'd "like to jump my bones". He's a little imature that way. Or a back rub, but if I ask him nicely to focus on certain spots on my back, he'll stop and complain I don't appreciate it. I'm always the one to initiate sex, at least once a week. Which is an improvement lately, since I've come off anti-depressants and birth control. Before we'd have sex maybe once a month or every 6 weeks!

This weekend is supposed to be drabby, cold and rainy. We'll have plenty of time to talk this weekend. I'm going to try my best.