Am i right to worry?

I am engaged to a guy that i really have a hard time trusting. And i don't know if i have a really good reason to not trust him. I've been with him for a year and 2 months. We got engaged on our 1 year and moved in together at that time as well. he really seems to love me soo much. but i know when you move in with someone you just don't want to talk to them anymore and he had moved away four years ago and came back one so he had lost touch with all his friends, So I'm happy he only talks to me and he's in love with me.

So here's the problem He talks to other women now he says that he's trying to reconnect with old friends. And that's great, but i wasn't anticipating them all to be blond haired blue eyed. And i really find myself jealous.

He tells me everything and i don't react at first but then i stir in it and obsess over whether he's cheating on me I will go through his phone every chance i get and i will ask his like how his day went and if he talked to anyone and he always tells me everything and it really seems innocent.

My Problem is that he has never NOT cheated on any of his previous relationships. I am suppose to be marrying this man soon and i am afraid of weather he will be faithful to me.

I'm not the norm of his "type" and he really does not find me beautiful. And when i ask his he says that i have the most beautiful flawless skin he's ever seen and that i have very nice lips but i know that I'm not the blond hair blue eyes that he's has always been with. And that he does not consider me beautiful. Maybe i just was under the impression that when you love someone and want to marry them you do love the way they look and Believe me i am not vein but i am very pretty I have been complimented my whole life by complete strangers.

I know he loves me and that i am the one he wants to be with. And i really want to be with him. I've never been insecure in my life and i was in a previous relationship very abusive but i was never insecure.

You say as he tells you things abour re-connecting with old friends you 'do not react at first..'

Have you sat down and told him all the blonde haired blue eyes friends, how it makes you feel? Do you have good communication in your relationship?

It appears that you have red flags surfacing all around you. Perhaps it is time to back up and start asking some blunt questions. If your gut is telling you that there is a trust issue then there is likely a trust issue. Please be careful. You deserve to be happy and achieve self-fulfillment. Hang in there. Sending good thoughts your way. phoenix47

Hey Crowncrown,
Welcome to PC!

I wanted to talk a little bit about your post... One thing that really stood out to me is that you said "he really does not find me beautiful." Has he ever come out and said this to you? Or even hinted to you that he doesn't find you beautiful? I ask these questions because, well, frankly, even though my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, and I'm constantly asking for reassurance that he does indeed find me pretty, I think in my heart of hearts, I dont believe him. You said it yourself that your boyfriend does not give you any reason to doubt him or his honesty (except past relationships, which should not necessarily define your relationship); perhaps your insecurities are coming from within and are being projected out onto the relationship? I know you said you aren't insecure, but I find that emotions and feelings, especially subconscious ones, come in many disguises (I have been guilty of misnaming and misplacing emotions for months until I'm finally ready to deal with what they really represent). I'm not trying to make any judgment calls, I dont know you, your boyfriend, or the situation to make any assumptions. I'm simply pulling from one statement that your mentality sounds a lot like mine. I would suggest talking to him, telling him all of your fears and anxieties, and see how he responds. If you are going to marry him, then you need to be open with him. Hopefully you guys can work on whatever the issue really is (him cheating or your misplaced anxiety) and move forward, whatever path that may be.

I hope I didn't come off as harsh, and I'm really sorry if I did. Just trying to help the only way I know how!

Best wishes,
Ro

Take it from a 42 year old woman that has been where you are at now....
90% of the worries will never happen and most of the worry is in head (your own fears) -

You are comparing yourself to these blue eye beauties - but he is not.

I would not marry a man until I felt safe with him, in every way. Respect your feelings and instincts. Also the fact that he was NOT faithful in any of his previous relationships is a big red flag.

The most important part of everything that you talked about is the TRUST thing. And I'm not talking about whether or not he has cheated, or will cheat, or is cheating or anything like that. I mean, you need to trust him enough and trust yourself enough to TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. These things you are feeling must be brought out in the open in a way where you both can talk about them and he won't dismiss them as rubbish and will realize that they are real, genuine concerns of yours. And, I would not marry him until you do this.