[UCLAFan]

It's a long story.But all my life my family has treated me like the black sheep of the family.I don't see my family much.Just on holidays.Which i hate being around them then.If i had clolse friends where i live.I'd rather spend the holidays with friends then family.But my 2 best friends live in Cali and i live in IL.Spending the holidays around my family is my last choice.I go only because i don't want to stay at home alone.My family treats me like dirt.Most of the year i never hear from them.They act like i do not exist.Plus if i say anything about their behaviour they make lame excuses.2 of the excuses are that they are busy or they think i'm busy doing my own thing.Also my aunt talks behind me back.I have over heard her say stuff about me.Like i will be in another room or the bathroom.She must think i can't hear her.She calls me stupid and ugly.She thinks her 2 daughters are way better looking then me or any other female.But her daughters dress kind of slutty and wear way to much makeup.Her oldest daughter hangs out at bars every weekend.The oldest daughter and her mom wonder why she is not married yet.She hangs out at a bar.Most people don't find a good man or women at a bar.I'm not putting people that go to bars down.But i have never know anyone that meet their loved one at a bar.I also have problems with my mom and older sister.Most in my family are snobby.They look down on people that don't make lots of money.They are into superficial stuff.Then there is my brother.Love him but don't see him often.Plus he wants me to get along with my mom and sister.When he do's not get along with them himself.Mostly i get put down by the majority of my family.I'm single and 39.So family members give me a hard time about not being married yet.They also give me a hard time about being a tomboy.I don't wear makeup often or wear dresses often.I'd rather just wear a tee shirt and jeans.Plus i'm into 2 sports and rather watch baseball and college basketball than hang out at the mall.I actually hate shopping.My family always dresses up and tries to impress everyone.I can't wait till the holidays are over with.I wish my family where not such big jerks.I know people with more money then my family has and those people treat me better then my own family do's.

[Shangrala]

UCLA~

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can so relate!
I don't see my family whatsoever, either, unless I absolutely have to, which is VERY seldom....thank God.

I really don't have much to offer for advise....I can only wish you the best during your moments of enduring them.

Shangrala

[NuckingFutz]

UCLA, call United Way. Sign up to do volunteer to do charity work on Christmas and wear your dark wool proudly!

[Psyched]

I understand the pain you feel b/c my family is the exact same way. My older sister has always belittled me b/c she was jealous, & I was too nice to put her in her place. Believe me, I do now, which doesn't make me any more popular, but seeing the way she is, I don't want anything to do with her. The rest of my family just ignores me- I'm lucky if I get a phone call on my birthday. I have always been the black sheep of this family, so that they can all conveniently project their own sicknesses onto me & try to deny to themselves & the world that each one of them has some kind of mental illness. Even if one of them appears to be "perfect", it's only b/c he's hiding behind his narcissistic PD. This has been the most painful thing out of everything I've been thru in my life, b/c if my own family is so horrible to me, how can I trust anyone? And despite the fact that I know they are all messed up themselves, I still can't shake my belief that I'm unloveable. Be kind to yourself. Don't perpetuate the dysfunction of your family. If you feel like no one loves you, you have to LOVE YOURSELF. That's really hard to do- trust me, I know. I am trying so hard to just get out of bed every day. But I'm hoping that if I am loving towards myself, then I won't hurt anymore & I'll attract others who will love me. I made a decision this year, after going back & forth for a million years- every time they threw me a bone, only to get rejected again- that I am done with my family & I won't see them, anymore. You can't choose the family you're born into, but you can choose to get out. Good luck!

[UCLAFan]

Glad someone can relate.It's hard having a family of jerks.I have always wished i was adopted.

[NuckingFutz]

Being adopted doesn't fix anything...I was adopted into a dysfunctional family. But I to can relate to all that has been said.

[ConfusionCraze]

I hate my family too. I disowned mine a long time ago and love spending the holidays by myself or with other people. Who says you have to spend Christmas with them? Why torture yourself? Quit thinking of Christmas as some big commercial thing where you can't be alone or around people you want to be and you might enjoy it better. Liquor stores do a great business this time of year because of people like you who hate their families and get depressed and don't want to be with them or they have to drink to be around them. I'm surprised you're 39.. you sound 15..they try and dress you up? Like..what the..? Seriously?

Take the money you saved for Christmas presents and go spend it on a plane ticket and spend it with your Cali friends. You'd probably be surprised at how much more you'd enjoy it. Or you still have a few weeks left, make a local friend online. There's got to be someone on your Myspace or meeetup.com or somewhere that's closer to you that also hates their family.

[SilverNeurotic]

Just because they are family doesn't mean that you have to put up with their behavior. As most of the other posters said-do something else on Christmas, volunteering is an excellent idea. Spend time with friends.

And stick up for yourself. When your family belittles you, tell them that you are a grown woman and are happy being you. You can decide how to run your life and you really don't need help.

[VickiesPath]

If you cannot come up with a rational, valuable, meaningful reason that you spend your holidays with your relatives other than because they simply share a blood line with you, spend them doing something that makes you happy.

I recently read here on PC an article talking about how some of the ancient healing arts involve altruism and it is a true, proven poltice for the soul. Fly to California to be with your friends and include a stint in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter, for example, or any other form of giving to those less fortunate than yourself as part of your new holiday tradition. I would bet it will prove to be something very meaningful.