[dogtanian]

agh,. i jhust went out with a band i know and got druk again. i thought it would be a night out for a lot of poepoe but it was just me and te band.

2 provblems. 1: one of my mates is haveing a really hard year. thing is i really like her and she's ace but i don't know if i can deal with all her crises. i'm the only firned she really has and i've got exams soon and i want her to be ok but i can't ignore my life and i'm stresdsed enoguh as it is and her crisis situation isn't helping - she always seems to have a crisis when i am stressed anyway. is this payback for being screwed for so long my self that something is paying me back???/ i want her to be ok i really do but i can't deal with this - is it wrong? am i horrible to just kind of wish she'd sort it out herself? i feel like a cow becfause no one else she can go to and ARGH.,

2: i went to this band mee ting and i really fancy one of the band - i have for ages i'm totall y in love with him but he had a girlfriend who i like too and i used to be flatmates wth someone he had a thing with and - he's one of my gbest friends in the world and i would be mates with him whatever but he's now taken and it's hard,. bah!

why is life so bloody compliationed?

[misty]

You are interested in another yet you hang on to one that sounds like she just frustrates you. Are you afraid to be alone or something. Not trying to be rude or nothing just sounds like you have an interest else where and the other is just someone to hang on to for what ever reason. Just my opinion for what ever that is worth.
Lrks

[dogtanian]

no i wish i was alone - i dont like being surrounded by people, they drive me mad!

[misty]

I've had to let friends go because I could not deal with them any more. Had one that called me every evening around 1-3am saying she was going to kill herself. After trying for so long to help her getting her in to treatment, she wanted to leave treatment because of a boyfriend. I finally told her I could not deal with her any longer. She did not speak to me for 3 months but she was ok.
Had another who every time I went to her house I was pulled into being some what counselor for step child and her. Finally had to break it off there too. She is still alive, go figure. LOL!!!! Have to laugh because even as insecure as I can be I can think that others lives depend on me and what I do.
Oops srry hope not hijaking here.
Hope that you can get to a peaceful place with your friend and one you admire.

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I've had to let friends go because I could not deal with them any more. Had one that called me every evening around 1-3am saying she was going to kill herself. After trying for so long to help her getting her in to treatment, she wanted to leave treatment because of a boyfriend. I finally told her I could not deal with her any longer. She did not speak to me for 3 months but she was ok.
Had another who every time I went to her house I was pulled into being some what counselor for step child and her. Finally had to break it off there too. She is still alive, go figure. LOL!!!! Have to laugh because even as insecure as I can be I can think that others lives depend on me and what I do.
Oops srry hope not hijaking here.
Hope that you can get to a peaceful place with your friend and one you admire.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

that's ecxactly what it's like! she doesn't have anyone else so i get all the probklems. and i want her to be oik i want to help i really do but i have to look out for mself and if i'm self harming again that's not good and i need less stress - but she has no friends or family and no home what can i do???

[misty]

You can guide her to the help she needs and if she does not except that than there is no more that you can do. It is hard when they have no one else or so it seems but just like it is up to us to seek the help or except the help if we need it, so it is for her. That is so hard but I know I got to the point where enough was enough.
I know every time I was at my total bottom I would except any help given and when my friends could not do that then I knew it was time to give them up or loose me. Selfish? maybe but I am alive and so are they. We may not be that close now but that is the way it has to be.
It is not easy to let someone go to find their way but some times it is the best. Some times we just need to let go so they can travel the path they need to travel.
Lrks

[dogtanian]

i've tried to help her get help - i've tried and tried. she's borderline so everyone in her life has desreted her (her parents were horrible so i don';t blame her really) but -

i have exams in 2 weeks

my hero killed himself 25 years ago this week - i know it's stupid to be like this over a mere singer, but he was my hero and i'm a bit iffy this week as a result

i'm sinking - si twice in 3 days, i haven't before in months - i have ot admit i'm sinking, i can't deal with her

BUT

if i desert her it WILL kill her - and i can't have that on my consciensce (and it would be)

aggggh

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I know every time I was at my total bottom I would except any help given and when my friends could not do that then I knew it was time to give them up or loose me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

but so many others have deserted her - if i desert her too it will kill her. that's not me being arrogant, i just know how down she is and that she relies on people and i'm the only one that hasn't given up and i'm the only one that sticks with her through it all - she doesn't deserve to be deserted, she's ace, i like her, people don't give her credit, but at the same time, i can't be the only person helping

[misty]

Sounds like you need to take more care of you. Do you know that if we do not take care of us than we have nothing to give to anyone else anyway?

[dogtanian]

yeah, good point - i think i'll ring my new psych in the morning, see if he has any advice. i mean, i want to help her, i really do, but i'm no doctor.

unfortunately the docs round here are being awful, ignoring the issue etc. which doesn't really help

[misty]

Srry to hear about your hero too. I never had a hero to look up to but know what it is like to loose someon(((((((((((((((dogtanian)))))))))))))))))))))

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Srry to hear about your hero too. I never had a hero to look up to but know what it is like to loose someon(((((((((((((((dogtanian)))))))))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

thanks - it's a bit pathetic, or it seems that way to some people but he really was my hero, i've looked up to his music, words and band for 20 years, since i was old enough, so even though i never even saw them live it's a big thing for me

[misty]

I do not think pathetic. There is music that touches my heart and if that were taken away I would mourn because it would be a loss. I see that your hero must have touched your heart with his music, sound, voice what ever it was for you it is a loss. Be kind to you!!!!!

[Raynaadi]

bump

[(JD)]

How're you doing dog?