at least I had the courage...

Over the past several months I fell in love with a woman. We both knew better. There’s too much between us for a relationship to work. Even though she loves me, there’s just too much. It can not happen. It’s been a cloud hanging over us for a while, the elephant sitting in the room that we both try to ignore.

Almost a month ago I blew off work early, biked down to her house, and told her how I felt. I guess that went as well at it could. I knew not to expect her to come running into my arms. I did get to hold her though, something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time. I left without an answer. God, that next week was terrible. I kept hoping she would call. Hoping we could find a way.

About a week later she called and we talked. It just couldn’t happen. I knew that might be the answer but I was crushed. My heart broke. Looking back I shouldn’t have done this, but the day after we talked I sent her a painting I had done of her (just some scribbles and watercolor, nothing a 6th grader couldn’t have done) with a note on the back. The note was very personal and probably hurt her to read.

I waited a couple weeks before trying to contact her. She sent a quick response to an email I sent, but hasn’t returned a call yet.

I knew going into this that there was a chance that I could lose her as a friend. God I hope that hasn’t happened. I’m going to leave her alone now and wait for her to contact me. I don’t want to rush or push her. But I feel such terrible despair. Someday we will be able to be friends again, I know it. It’s been too many years to be the end.

There have been a lot of postings about love here. Though my heart is hurting badly, I’m still glad I had the courage to tell her, years ago I would not have. It was worth the risk. Plus, at least I know that there are people out there that care about me, even love me. I guess that’s why it feels so bad to be apart.

Yoi.

Yoi: I'm glad that you had the strength to do what you felt that you had to do. I know it was hard and the waiting is probably much harder.......I hope that you find peace... .......pat

Hi John,

Gosh - that was one of those situations which could go one way or another, and there was a lot at stake.

You were very brave to face your reality and maybe with time things will settle down one way or another, we can never know.

Whatever happens , IMHO your relationship with your friend will not be the same as before, and I hope it is a stronger relationship.

Good thoughts, Myzen.

I wanted to delete this post but I can't so instead I'll post a follow up.

So I got a letter from her yesterday. I was all excited, i opened it up and it was a hand written note with a photo. I looked at the picture and it's her with her new cat (I'm deathly allergic to cats), giving me the finger, with a look of absolute contempt. On the back it said, "your replacement." Needless to say the note basically ripped me a new one. Though a lot of it was true, it stung. Oh well, I knew this might happen.

I'm sorry that it turned out this way. Maybe you two can reestablish a friendship after some time has passed.

ouch. yeah, obviously she was hurt too. So much for the friendship right now eh? Maybe in the future you will both be laughing about this, but I doubt it. Relationships don't tend to become less than what they were AND be good or better than before. A clean break was probably the best you could do.

I'm sorry for your hurt. .. Proud of you for making the decision. Understand your ambiguity... Respect your acceptance.