How do I or can I rebuild this friendship?

I am a 29 year old female. I just recently had a falling out with a couple that were both super close friends of mine. While, it's not an excuse, I do suffer from depression and have taken a lot out on them. I am not proud of myself and hate myself for what I did. I sent them both an email telling them I understand why they cut me out of their life and I am using this experience as a wake up call about changing. I am serious about it. They have not responded and I don't expect them too. We also have some mutual friends that won't respond to me either. In the email, they made it clear they want no more communication with me. But has anyone ever had an experience like this where one friend forgave the other one?

It's also hard, because I am trying hard to make changes in my life because of this loss but I still feel guilty and hate myself for how I treated them. I've lost many friends in the process and I don't want to hate myself anymore.

I can't really help but wanted you to know that I am here listening/reading and I feel for you.
I find that a hand written letter can sometimes be better than email - it's 'real' in a way and it's hard to throw out letters where as emails can be deleted in one push of a button.

Good luck with the changes, Indigo.

I'm also wishing you luck with the changes. And welcome to pc, Indigo.

We're here and listening when /(if) you want to share more

Good luck, Indigo. personally, I think t was bad for for them to get thethird party friends involved, but that's another issue. when this has happened to me (I have Bipolar I) I have found that while it is sometimes possible to explain and mend the hurt that has happened, even forgive, that the basis for a free, giving friendship can often not be restored. Sometimes the people involved are aware of what it means to have these illnesses, and can better start over, otheres aren't sure of what it means and would rather keep their distance. Once burned, you know.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. HUgggs, and hopes for the best, dear.

I agree with loneagle

(sorry I don't share more... once burned etc )