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#1
Dec 15, 2009, 04:47 PM
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Sitting and crying. Alone. Stupid. Verbal punching bag.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#2
Dec 15, 2009, 04:49 PM
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 *Hugggggggggggggggggggg* <3 <3 <3
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In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.-William Styron |
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#3
Dec 15, 2009, 04:51 PM
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Thank you very much. Be careful hugging me, you'll get drenched from the tears today.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#4
Dec 15, 2009, 04:53 PM
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(((Marci)))
No one deserves to be a verbal punching bag.
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It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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 cantstopcrying
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#5
Dec 15, 2009, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
__________________
In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.-William Styron |
| cantstopcrying
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#6
Dec 15, 2009, 08:23 PM
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Aww , Hugs, Big Big Hugs!!
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| cantstopcrying
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#7
Dec 15, 2009, 08:43 PM
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Feel better and hugs hugs hugs!!!!! Please don't cry!!!!
 
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Cherish every day, even the bad ones.... pray, hope and don't worry...
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| cantstopcrying
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#8
Dec 16, 2009, 01:58 AM
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 sending gentle hugs 
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| cantstopcrying
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#9
Dec 16, 2009, 03:49 AM
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Hello, cantstopcrying. At the outset, you need to stop telling yourself you are stupid. Nothing worthwhile comes from self-deprecation. Nothing.
Who is using you as a verbal punching bag, and why are you listening? When was the last time you exercised? How about volunteering? Helping others is a good way to help people and feel better about yourself. Also, you will not be alone. Breathe! Good luck. |
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#10
Dec 16, 2009, 07:18 AM
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Thanks for the suggestions. I work a minimum of 52 hours a week plus have two active teen age daughters, I unfortunately do not have time to volunteer unless I do it at midnight, the same with exercising. Yesterday and today I took off work because I have PTO time I have to use or lose and I just needed a break. Breaks are bad because they let you sit and think.
I do realize that self-depreciating talk does no good. Realizing it and being able to stop it are different things, at least for me. I was severely struggling yesterday and am not doing a whole heck of a lot better today. Stupid is how I feel at the moment.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#11
Dec 16, 2009, 07:34 AM
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Thanks for your post. You likely got a bit of a chuckle about my suggestions in view of how busy you are. At least I hope so.
Can you tell me why you feel stupid? |
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#12
Dec 16, 2009, 07:40 AM
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Because I frequently screw things up, say the wrong things, do the wrong things. Or at least say or do things that are perceived as wrong or whatever. I know I really am intellectually smart, I just suck at people skills, therefore at relationships. I try, I fail. Failing is learning, I know. But it's hurtful learning. I just feel stupid.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#13
Dec 16, 2009, 07:54 AM
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And how do you know you are saying and doing the wrong things? How does the perception you talk about manifest itself?
You have a job, are able to respond very well to my posts and do not come across as the person you describe. Why is that? |
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#14
Dec 16, 2009, 08:04 AM
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In personal relationships. I know I say or do the wrong things because people get upset--angry--that I'm not responding how I "should"---in their view, I know. I just want to stop. I'll give you the for instance about yesterday/today.
Boyfriend KNOWS I hate it when he comes home smelling like beer. To me, "buzzed driving is drunk driving." Not even that, but when you are working till 3 a.m. and come home smelling like beer, I don't think it's out of line to ask why. Ask. Not harp. Not yell. Not nag. Ask. That started the tirade of "I don't have to report to you," blah blah blah. Which started my tirade of "Yes you do if you are in a relationship with me and you know this is an issue with me and don't yell at me and don't swear at me," blah blah blah. I know. Why do I stay with him. It isn't all the time and the good times are good. God, I hear myself and I would shake myself if I were someone else. "You don't need that. You don't need him. You are better than that," blah blah blah. I know it all. But I feel stupid for even saying anything. It wasn't the right time--he was tired, he was pissed, I should have just waited. I never wait. I can't wait. If I wait I will be abandoned...but look, here I am sitting alone on my second day off crying anyways. And I just want him to talk to me and he won't so I keep pushing (begging) even though I know it doesn't help, it just pisses him off but I want my feelings acknowledged and I just want it over...not the relationship, the stupidity. I'm rambling. See, stupid.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#15
Dec 16, 2009, 08:21 AM
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You have not convinced me you are stupid. I think you have bought into what other people have told you. Your perception of yourself likely is the reason you put up with a boyfriend that you acknowledge emotionally abuses you. Your fear of abandonment is part of the equation. I expect you accept responsibility for every disagreement or misunderstanding.
Would you boyfriend agree to joint counseling? My suggestion is for you to get counseling to sort out the distortions about your self-image. When the time is right, the two of you could work on getting better at communicating with each other. If something is not done, I expect the relationship will leave you even less fulfilled no matter how hard you try. Good luck. |
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#16
Dec 16, 2009, 08:24 AM
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Thank you. Thank you so much. I know you are right in everything you say. And I would say the same to someone who posted what I did. I looked into counselling but I just can't--absolutely can't--afford it. Yes, i do accept blame for all misunderstandings and arguements, even when the intelligent part of me knows it wasn't all my fault. Thank you for your time and caring and insight.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#17
Dec 16, 2009, 08:35 AM
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cantstopcrying, sorry to be a pest. Please go to your state's government website. Get the number for information and ask to be directed to someone who may assist you to find a therapist at a lower rate or for free.
More than anything else, I hope you find a way to love yourself. You are a good person. Good luck. |
| cantstopcrying
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#18
Dec 30, 2009, 12:22 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#19
Dec 30, 2009, 12:53 PM
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There have been a handful of times when I am sitting alone, crying, staring off into space, paralyzed by the sadness and anxiety...I have been able (with much effort) to stand up, and go outside and walk around.
It's no "exercise" (which I TOTALLY understand not having time for) but it does benefit your body and your feelings. Even for 10 minutes, just getting a little air, the blood flowing a little... Maybe give it a try? Even at work on a lunch break or something, take a walk around the building or parking lot if it's a safe area. I hope that whoever is using you for a verbal punching bag can come to realize how much they are hurting you and stop.
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#20
Dec 31, 2009, 11:15 AM
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Hugs cantstopcrying
Sounds like you really do need a break, you must be working way too hard. You're not stupid so don't feel it. HazyDazy |
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#21
Jan 03, 2010, 11:03 PM
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(
 so with you on the self deprecation junk )love furry paws
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