Guns in MY house?!

So my BF pretty much told me to suck it up and eventually we will have guns in the house. I, personally, HATE guns. 2 of my friends and my great uncle have been murdered and I refuse to have one. I have had a gun pulled on me before for no reason and do not ever want one to enter my house. I understand hunting and "controlling the deer population"...whatever. They do not have to be in the house. I have heard too many stories about kids being curious and something terrible happening. But for some reason I'm just supposed to suck it up?!

The funny thing is.... my dad did have guns in our house and we got broken into and the guns didn't do anything. We still got stuff stolen and nobody was hurt. His parents don't keep guns in their house and have never been broken into or assaulted. As I have said before I have known a few people to be killed by guns and have had guns pulled on me personally.

Am I just overreacting? I feel like even having a gun increases your chances of something happening. Most people don't even know how to properly use or store them. And if someone breaks into your house while you're home I highly doubt you will be in a position to get your gun, take it out, load it and turn off the safety and actually do any good with it. And if its just there to make him feel safer...that's an awfully risky security blanket.

How do I not have a say in what enters my own house? If we have kids together there is absolutely no way I would ever allow a gun anywhere near my kids. I don't even really see a compromise here. But I feel like I have every right to put my foot down and say No!

I perfectly understand your concerns about having firearms in the house.
I feel the same way, in some respect.

My ex had a handgun in the house, though not loaded. Just the idea that it was there did provide a sense of security to some degree. However, I insisted that, if the gun was to be kept inside within a "reactive" reach, then we all need to go to the shooting range to not only understand its value, but to obtain a respect of the danger of the weapon itself by learning how to use it properly.

Maybe you can also try this approach as it can provide you all a better understanding and respect of its purpose?

Just a thought.

Shangrala

Saluki, you are not alone!

My mother wouldn't even let my sister or I have waterguns in the house until I was probably 16.. Maybe even closer to 18. I'm leaning towards the same tendency...

And yet.. I find myself curious the shoot one at clay disks... Simply to learn what it is like.

But anyways, I completely agree with you and am not sure I see a middle ground either. I would never allow guns in my house, not even for hunting purposes. He can always rent a storage place to keep a gun if they are that important to him.

I hope everything turns out okay for you.

Ro

If it is safety he is concerned about maybe a security system would better suite his need to feel safe and your stand on guns wouldn't be compromised.
If he is just wanting a gun, there are several options to storing a gun safely somewhere other then in your house. Like a locked shed with a locked gun cabinet in it and trigger locks are also a good idea, of course storing them like that makes them harder to get to in an emergency but that is what security systems are made for.

I personally don't have a problem with guns but I do think that they should be stored properly.

Good luck I hope you are able to work this out with your boyfriend.

i don't like guns either and feel as you do salukigirl. also, i don't think your bf gets to unilaterally make decisions on something so important. he also really needs to consider your history here. what is he wanting a gun for? protection or hunting or both? i think if it's hunting then roman's idea to get a locker somewhere else to store it is a good idea. shangrala's idea to learn to use it if you do get one is a good one too.

I personally think that they are a plague in the world. I agree, more innocent people are affected by guns then people that "deserve" it. And because of my mental health background, i will never have one around me. I hope he reconsiders your feelings. Good luck.

I am okay with hunting rifles stored properly in a locked gun case in a locked room but hand guns would be a deal breaker. The only use for a handgun is to kill or injure another human being and that is just not okay with me. Any man who has in interest or feels a need for a hand gun is not a man I would have the slightest interest in being around let alone having children with.

Statistically people who have handguns in their home and face an intruder are more likely to become a victim of the gun than is the intruder. Either way I could not survive the trauma of being involved in such an incident.

You totally deserve to have your voice heard and your views respected. This isn't about 'sucking it up' in my opinion. It is about flexing mocho muscles and discounting you as an equal partner in the relationship. In my opinion it is a sign of things to come and needs some serious reflection.

My brother and I were raised with a loaded gun in literally every room of our house except the bathroom and my bedroom. My father was a police officer and avid hunter. We were taught proper gun safety at an early age and it was never an issue... with us. MY concern is, and always has been, that I cannot depend upon the fact that EVERYONE that enters my home will have the same gun safety education I have had.

There are steps you can take to make it safer for guns to be in your home. Seperate safes for weapons and ammo etc. I personally have never wanted them in my home. It's just a risk I'm unwilling to take.

My brother on the other hand is an avid gun collector. A few months ago there was a horrible incident in his home. These are men in their 40s, not young children. They were having a gathering at their home with 3 other couples. One of the men had asked my brother to see his collection of handguns, he was planning on purchasing one and asked my brother his opinion etc (he was the only one of the group that did not serve in the Marines with my brother). My brother took a variety of handguns from his gun safe, ensured that they were not loaded and allowed his friend to look them over. They discussed the pros and cons of each gun then another one of the men in the group noticed my brother's new guitar and the two of them went over to that area of the man cave.

In the mean time, the man looking to purchase a gun asked the other friend in the group how to load the glock. This individual was a 42 year old man, trained by the military and an auxillary police officer went to the gun safe, got a clip and showed him how to load the gun. He ended up shooting the man looking to purchase the gun when he removed the clip and was "clearing the chamber."

None of them will ever be the same. The man that was shot will live with a piece of the bullet lodged in his spine for the rest of his life. He may be able to walk again sometime in the future. My brother feels terribly guilty because he didn't close the gun safe to prevent the other man from getting at the ammo, he wasn't paying attention to what was going on in that area of the room. It was his gun. The man that shot him will have to live with the fact that because of his carelessness another human being will never be pain free again.

In all honesty my brother didn't think he had to watch over them. They were all grown men, they all knew gun safety and were comfortable around guns. Too comfortable as it turns out. He never thought in a million years that something like this could possibly happen.

This definately sounds like a communication issue rather than a gun control/safety issue in that I'm not sure you are going to be able to make any headway with your BF about the hazards of guns in the house. Evidently, that is something he just can't hear. I wonder where his conviction about having guns comes from? Perhaps there is some underlying vulnerability he is trying to deal with.

I think if you are going to resolve this in any meaningful way, there is going to have to be some meeting of the mind and heart, rather than a discussion of the issues and who is right versus who is not.

Insist: No gun safe; no guns. That would be a decent compromise.

I don't care for guns too much but I do allow my husband to have his. one thing to remember though and to me it is pretty important. Guns don't kill people. people kill people. they are only the weapon. good gun control in the home is the key. I would strongly suggest learning how to use them properly at a good shooting range for sure. trigger locks are very important. I too have had trageties with guns involved. even had one in my face. no not fun at all. I tend to shy away from them myself but I live way out in the country and do need them for protection. get a good gun safe if he really has to have them.

I think an appropriate compromise here is having a gun safe, and keeping the ammo in a different location than the guns. That is how my mother and father compromised when my dad wanted to have guns in the house again. We have one gun in the house, it is kept unloaded, locked in a lock box, and the ammo for the gun is kept in a separate closet.

My dad only target shoots when my mom is not home (she loathes guns) and promptly puts it away before she gets home because he knows how much it upsets her.

Maybe having the gun kept in a safe, and the ammo in a separate location would be a comprise for ya'll to consider?

I understand the dislike of guns, I had a fear of them myself until I learned about them, and learned how to handle and shoot a gun. I"m still weary of them, and doubt I will ever own one myself and if so it will be kept in conditions similar to the comprise my parents worked out.

I hope ya'll are able to work something out.

Many blessings
Typo

My dad has rifles as well as handguns and would shoot targets but I never touched one. My BF does have a hunting rifle that he inherited from his grandpa but has never used it. Personally, I went out and took a self-defense course called Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) which is offered for free here on campus once a year. I have learned the proper ways to use myself as a weapon and have been tested on it and passed so I don't feel the need to have a gun. I saw a statistic on the news sometime saying that most intruders/robbers don't actually use the gun. The have it for show and most never even have it loaded. I think that IF the intruder had one, he most likely would not use it UNLESS you brought yours out and threatened him with it. I just think the safest thing is to lock yourself in a room like the bathroom with your cell phone and call 911. I don't feel the need to play hero.

I have swayed him on certain things before like when he said he will definitely put 5,000 in a CD for his kids once their born so their college is paid for (which I think is just flat out ridiculous). He really was against me when I said my kids will not have their school paid for. I paid for mine and think I'm better for it and have learned a lot about finances and saving that other kids haven't. Once I put it into a real situation and said "what if...." he got my view and said that it really did make sense.

Maybe if I go to him and say "what if an intruder came in while we were home? do you think you would have the nerve (being calm) and the time to actually go get the gun? if its stored in the house it needs to be locked up, on safety and unloaded. you really think you would be able to unlock the case, turn off the safety AND load the gun before this guy trashes the house or does something else?" or "why wouldn't a security system that notifies the police be just as good if not better?"

I think some of it is him having to "prove" his manliness because he is kind of insecure in some ways. But personally, I would feel LESS safe with a gun in the house rather than more safe.

I might ask him about having a gun case in case he ever wants to bring the rifle home (it is in storage now). Or keeping it at his uncles house. His uncle is an avid hunter and has deer stands on his property so he has several rifles but are all in a gun case and unloaded unless he is going hunting. I think if he were to ever go hunting it would be with him so keeping it at his house where he already has the necessary precautions would be a better idea. Or even in a shed. I just don't want them around me.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

I hope you are able to keep guns out of your home. I think you present some very wise and rationale thoughts on the subject. Storing his hunting rifle at his uncle makes really good sense.

I guess this topic is a little to hard for me but seriously based on the responses here I now get why hand gun legislation is such a volitile issue. It really saddens me that the culture we live in is so accepting of guns and that people actually think that guns can protect people. It boggles my mind!!!

It sounds pretty hypothetical at the moment, like with the $5,000 CD for the kids educations. I think he's just throwing it out there, jerking your chain in a sense or trying to find out what you think, etc. I would have just replied something like, "over my dead body" maybe even with a smile so he'd know I was serious but not too worried or taking it personally (yet, until he tries to bring one in!). I think he's just trying stuff on for size, thinking of being certain ways and seeing how it all fits with your and his lifestyle? Like you said, he's playing with the manly thing.

Perna - like maybe he is trying to see exactly how much he can get away with? like pushing the envelope a little? I did say "you would have to have an extremely good argument for me to allow guns into my house" with a smirk and he got a little mad saying that I was telling him what he can and cannot do. So I said "so you have never flat out told me 'i will have a gun in my house'?" and he shut up lol because he has said that before.

Neither one of us has brought it up since the initial discussion. I think I'm going to do some investigation and try to find reliable sources with data showing people saved by guns vs. people killed by guns. Because I'm almost certain that it will be the opposite of what he thinks. Maybe then he'll listen.

maybe its something you could research together. Like the saying goes... its not the destination but the journey. Coming together to find a resolution might be a good learning experience for you together. Just a thought.

Well yes I actually do think guns protect people. If I had not had a handgun ten years ago I am quite certain I would not be here to respond to your post. My son would have grown up without a mother. And who would be posting all the cat pics on Psychcentral without Yoda?

Owning a gun is a personal decision. I want one. If somebody else doesn't want one then they should not have one.

Perhaps I should stay out of this discussion.... but respectfully I will try...... I get that it is what... #2 in your constitution to have the right to bear arms... in Canada there is a a great deal of pressure being put on government to ban all handguns but of course there is resistance from those who use them for sport target shooting so very tight regulations is as close as we have moved the effort to date. That and a conservative government that pushed it to the back burner dispite public pressure.

I hear that arguement about it being a personal decision but your decision to have a gun affects my safety in the community if I happen to be your neighbour whereas my decision not to does not put you in the same risk. Statistically guns in homes for so called personal safety kill more homeowers (or family members or innocent bystander) than they kill any home intruders.

I am sorry Yoda you were put in such danger and I can totally respect how that experience has framed your opinion on the issue.

My opinion is founded simply on the basis of aspiring to live in a peaceful non violent society and for me hand guns for protection fundamentally oppose those aspirations.

Guns in themselves don't scare me because I do recognize they are just finely crafted hunks of steel but guns in the hands of people they do frighten me. Part of how my anxiety around this issues impacts my life is that I won't travel outside my country anymore since so called homeland security has armed untrained airport personnel and border customs officer. Stretching the topic perhaps but part of the bigger picture nonetheless because for me it is about an out of control culture of fear and the subsequent violence it insites. In my opinion.

Again just my opinion and while I wish your personal choice didn't impact me the evidence indicates that if you were my neighbour your choice to own a gun will put me and others at higher risk of voilence than if you did not own a gun.

I probably ranted too long in response to your statement to me Yoda but I thought it only fair that I clarify my point of view. Guns are symbolic of a bigger issue. Jesus was a pacifist and so am I.

Regardless of the different views on the subject expressed between you and me Yoda I think we do agree that the OP has the right to have her views considered when it comes to having guns kept in her own home. I hope her husband can respect her point of view and together they reach a decision that ensures their safety.

So I just looked up some statistics and every single website I found had data stating that having a firearm in the house puts you at a higher risk for death by homicide. One said that having a firearm in your house makes you almost 3 times more likely to have violence committed against you by a hundgun by others. Also, for every 1 time a gun is used in self-defense 1.3 people die from accidental shooting of a gun.

These were reliable sources from the Violence Policy Center, Center for Disease Control and another that I don't remember their name.

I said those stats to my BF and he said what if he kept it in a safe and said we could still use it for protection. So I asked him, if an intruder comes into our home, do you think you will have time to unlock the safe, turn off the safety and load it while the person is still there and use it to actually protect us? At this point he got really defensive and said "fine, I'll just give them to my dad" and then stopped talking about it.

I just don't feel like he wants them for the reasons he says. I think he wants them for the sheer fact of saying "hey, look at me, I have guns". y'know? which isn't the right reason to me. If they are here for show then they will be used for the wrong reasons and not for the reasons he says.

I think you may be right about his motivations. Again, good on you for standing up to your principles. It does sound like his dad is better equipped to properly store his gun where it is brought out only to hunt dinner. Nothing finer than a perfectly cooked moose roast. YUM!

Another bit of research you might be interested in exploring is how many of those guns in the hands of criminals were stolen from the homes and cars of law abiding citizens. The numbers are mind boggling!

Sky - I checked out that website and it seems like ramblings of a right-wing person. I don't want opinion based things. I want straight facts. And everything I have seen (which is not liberal lie number anything) says the complete opposite of that website. I really don't appreciate seeing a website where the heading is "liberal lie #16". All of my sources are government or organizations which are non-profit and just present data - not opinions.

The point of this post was not to have people try and sway my position. I feel less safe with a gun in my house which is not wrong as you say - its how I feel. So if you are not going to do anything but tell me that my feelings are incorrect please don't post anymore. We are all extremely aware of your opinions on guns now, its not necessary to be that abrasive about it.

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Originally Posted by salukigirl So my BF pretty much told me to suck it up and eventually we will have guns in the house. I, personally, HATE guns. 2 of my friends and my great uncle have been murdered and I refuse to have one. I have had a gun pulled on me before for no reason and do not ever want one to enter my house. I understand hunting and "controlling the deer population"...whatever. They do not have to be in the house. I have heard too many stories about kids being curious and something terrible happening. But for some reason I'm just supposed to suck it up?! Am I just overreacting? I feel like even having a gun increases your chances of something happening. Most people don't even know how to properly use or store them. And if someone breaks into your house while you're home I highly doubt you will be in a position to get your gun, take it out, load it and turn off the safety and actually do any good with it. And if its just there to make him feel safer...that's an awfully risky security blanket. How do I not have a say in what enters my own house? If we have kids together there is absolutely no way I would ever allow a gun anywhere near my kids. I don't even really see a compromise here. But I feel like I have every right to put my foot down and say No!

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Originally Posted by salukigirl I just think the safest thing is to lock yourself in a room like the bathroom with your cell phone and call 911. I don't feel the need to play hero. Maybe if I go to him and say "what if an intruder came in while we were home? do you think you would have the nerve (being calm) and the time to actually go get the gun? if its stored in the house it needs to be locked up, on safety and unloaded. you really think you would be able to unlock the case, turn off the safety AND load the gun before this guy trashes the house or does something else?" or "why wouldn't a security system that notifies the police be just as good if not better?" I think some of it is him having to "prove" his manliness because he is kind of insecure in some ways. But personally, I would feel LESS safe with a gun in the house rather than more safe. I might ask him about having a gun case in case he ever wants to bring the rifle home (it is in storage now). I just don't want them around me. Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Salukigirl, I respect your thoughts and feelings and am sorry that this is a source of conflict between you and your boyfriend. I am not posting to change your opinion or anybody elses. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong"; it isn't that simple. I would like to respond though if you don't mind.

I am sorry that your friends and uncle were killed by gunfire. That surely must affect how you feel about guns. You asked in your first post if you are overreacting - I don't think you are. That seems rather rude that your BF is telling you to "suck it up" because you have no say in the matter. In my eyes this thread is more about communication and conflict in your relationship rather than guns per se. I think. Maybe. What do you think? I agree that you have every right to say what is acceptable in your household.

A problem that you point out is that too many people do not know how to safely handle guns or how to store them. I agree 100%. I don't believe in shooting "accidents" but rather being irresponsible with guns can only precede problems. Owning a gun, however, DOES MAKE YOU MORE responsible for YOUR OWN actions. People who aren't prepared for that should not own them, period.

Just because you have a weapon--any weapon--in the house doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your children. When my son was young we taught him guns are not toys (neither are steak knives) and that when he was old enough, mommy and/or daddy will teach them how to properly handle the weapon. Having weapons in the house means EXTRA RESPONSIBILITY.

Don't be fooled into believing that just because you own a gun that would know exactly how and when to use it. FACT: lots of homeowners have been shot by their own weapon because they 1. never took the time to learn how to be properly prepared and 2. they just thought waving the gun in the face of the prowler would actually accomplish something. Only on TV does that work.

I feel that people shouldn't even own a weapon until they have taken the time to properly learn how to use it. If you can't afford the $35 for a class then you are more a danger to yourself and others than you think you are. ("You" means anyone in general, not anyone specific.)

Why wouldn't a security system be as good or better, you ask. I live in a rural area but there is a sheriff detachment just four miles from my house. A few years ago I came back from vacation and thought I had disarmed the security alarm before it had time to call. One hour later two officers came to my house. Another time when I lived in the city I heard somebody break down a door and enter my house. I was upstairs. I called 911 and asked for help. Then I sat and waited holding my gun in case the prowler came up the stairs. A trash truck stopped beside my house and it spooked the intruder and he/she left. It took forever for the cops to show up; they said they got lost. I still use my security system but it has limitations. Having dogs is a deterrent to some but thieves broke into my house three different times when I had a German shepherd.

Having a gun (or not) is a personal choice. I hope I will never need it (again) but I have it just in case I do. I like the analogy, I don't expect my house to catch on fire but I have a fire extinguisher.