[Chance]

Here goes. I am 18 and Gay. I don't like what i am, i hate it. But i cannot change it.

I am in a relationship with this girl, i have been for a few months, she is 17 and is so nice its unbelievable. But i am gettign down about being in a relationship with her as i feel i am hiding my true self. I tried proving i wasn't gay and dragged her into this mess and i feel so guilty. . Should i tell her the truth and risk hurting her? or shall i just let it fizzle away. She knows something is up, she keeps asking. I just deny it and tell her she is imagining it.

Even if i do end up single i don't think i will be with a guy, cause i care too much about what people think and people dont like "queers". My parents would kick me out if they knew the truth... oh i dunno..

Sorry, i don't expect an actual answer. was just nice getting it off my chest.

Regards,
Chance x

[CedarS]

If it's okay, I do have some thoughts and response. First, it is very cool that you are able to think things over like this, even if you don't yet have answers for yourself. And I commend you for how compassionate you are, you want to be good to your friend.

This is all my own humble opinion and experience, so if it doesn't ring true for you, no worries at all. I'm 47, my son when he was your age wasn't sure about his sexual preference, thought he was probably gay or bi. I myself fully support everyone's rights to love whom they choose.

You are just 18, living with parents, you of course need to keep yourself safe and secure, that is a priority. Again, this just being my humble opinion, I believe it is fine that you are gay. I hope that you can find a way to treat yourself well, to respect yourself, to give yourself supportive positive messages.

One of the many mysteries of life that is wonderful is that we truly don't know the future. There are many, many possibilities out there for you. It may very well seem now that certain doors are closed to you, that some wishes can never be. But all the evidence isn't in. The world has many gifts.

If your girlfriend can be supportive, perhaps you can tell her more about yourself. Ultimately, it is your decision. Please stay safe.

Sarah

[CedarS]

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Se...esbian_Issues/

Some good resources here also.

[Chance]

Thanks, would be nice if my parents were as understanding as you.... but hey, that is life i spose. Thanks for your kind words

Regards,
Chance x

[darkeyes]

First, (((((((((((( Chance ))))))))))))
My husband's nephew (who we love very much) announced to his parents that is gay, about 10yrs ago, at first his parents were in shock, and took time to accept it, but never, ever, were they mad with him.
They themselves went to PFLAG meetings for support, after they need not to go, they love him, we love him and yes, his partner loves him.
His partner and him have bought an old home and have renovated it to a perfect state, work regular jobs, socialize, and are just terrific guys.
They have made us all know about them, which was great for all of us.
I remember many years ago when our nephew was a teen, he had ulcers, stomach problems, which now we all related it to the fact he was living a lie and extremely depressed.
WE are so happy he has made it known to us, his grandmother still has a problem with it (old fashioned) plus she lost her oldest son to Aids.
Whatever one's sexual orientation is, that is not what defines a person's worth, never feel ashamed of who you are, also know in many cases it is a biological thing.
No one should ever blame someone for them being gay, nor should one hate themselves for it.
Today, I feel society is starting to open up and accept not everyone is heterosexual. I have come to understand over the years, and feel deeply for those having to struggle with this.
I do not know what your parents are like, so I do not want to tell you to tell or not to tell. You can drop subtle hints, not necessarily about yourself, but perhaps tell them you heard of some guy or girl whose parents disowned them for their gender preference, see what their comments are.
Our nephew did have a friend that became suicidal cause his parents were too close minded and couldn't accept it, so this was a true life situation our nephew used as a feeler for reaction.
Naturally his parents, though shocked, explained they loved him no matter what. I feel that way too, as long as a person is good to others in their world, and learn to love themselves, that is what important.
Believe me, I feel for you and others in this situation.
I still have suspicions about my son, but would tell him we love him, and accept who he is as we do already, and be here to support him no matter what.
I wish you luck with this, I imagine this is a rough time for you. Our nephew had a girlfriend at first, then eventually he told her the truth and she still is friends with him, even her friends go out to group dinners, and outings together, all accepting one another

Much love to you,
DE


I am so sorry this was a long reply

[Chance]

Well, here's an update.

I met up with me "ex girlfriend" tonight. We had a good long chat and she was crying nearly all the way through. It was breaking my heart to see her that way.

What mostly came as a suprise is that last night she seemed really supportive, but today she nearly shouted at me and she said "I would have prefered you cheating on me han tell me that". Maybe it was through anger, i can't say for sure but i do deserve it for hurting her.

She also said she wants me to stay with her even if i have to see a man at the same time :s, i explained that i couldn't do that as it isnt fair on anyone. But the night ended with an emotional hug and goodbye's. Its a shame really as i love her to bits as a friend.

Anyway there was an update on my boring insignificant life.

Regards,
Chance xxx

[darkeyes]

Your life is NOT boring or insignificant(sp?), we all have a purpose here, in the world, even if it is a passing smile.
I wish I had a solid answer for you and to what is happening or happened.
All I can say is please hang in there, in time things do get better, like the real life stuff I told you in a PM.
Dear person, so much coming to you at once, so very difficult I am sure.
But it can work out, remember I told you in a PM that it can.
Believe in yourself, realize you are a good person, you are not alone, and people do care about you.
Such a heavy load. . . therapy will help.
Never ever feel ashamed to get help, and never deny yourself of the possibilities that await you.
Please take care now.

Much light and love to you,
DE


Never see yourself as "evil", you are NOT evil.
DE