I need some advice

Hey, i really need some help from people who are a bit experienced. I am in love with a really wonderful person for about 3 years now and things are going gr8. He is really kind, understanding, supportive and fantastic human being. And he loves me more than anything and i love him the same way. When i met him i was more frivolous, foolish and immature. He has helped me a lot to become confident, in a way he is just about perfect. I am saying all this because i want you to understand the feeling m going through. You see, when i met i never told him anything about my past relationships although i was a virgin. It may not seem like a big deal to some but the fact is he does not know and we share everything and i know everything about him. He often takes pride in the fact tht we know everything there is to know about one another. I never told him anything in the beginning coz i thought the past wasn important as i love him now, but he doesn think like that. He's a lil possessive and he says tht it makes him feel special tht i ve never really known anyone before him. Wht i had before with people wasn even remotely close to wht i have with him but if i tell now after all this this time he will feel tht ive been hiding things and wont trust me and create a rift. I cant lose him and i feel guitly and selfish at the same time. I feel like m breaking his trust. When i ask for advice, all i get is 'forget it' or 'stay away from him , he sounds dangerously possessive'. I cant forget it. The country im from is still conservative. There r some who, like me, accept todays way of life but not my fiance, he is still old fashioned. And he's never hidden anything from me. He doesn know ve been intimate with a couple of people although i din go all the way. I cant tell him coz it'l break his trust. Ive tried to tell him once starting with a few hints and i couldn stand the hurt tht crossed his face when he found tht i was hiding sthn. Then i withdrew and told him it was nthn important. I dont know how to feel about the entire thing. if someone really knows wht it feels like to find the person whom ur going to live with the rest of ur life and know tht uve to hide sthn, ul understand.

first off I don't think anyone knows "everything" about another. every person alive I think and this is just my opinion hon but I think everyone has something they never tell a spouse. you have been with him for 3 yrs I think you said? if you and he are happy I would leave it as it is. no need to give details of past relationships. especially if you know it would hurt him. I know it isn't easy. I have been in your spot. it is hard sometimes to figure out what we tell and what we don't tell. good luck in whatever you decide.

Are you married? Is the reason he is still dwelling on your history a prelude to a proposal? More to the point, there seems to be a trust issue here.

No, but we are engaged. And he trusts me. Im feeling bad because he believes that ve not hidden anything from him. He tells me everything and he is right to expect the same.

No, but we are engaged. And no, we both trust each other. My problem is exactly that. He trusts me and believes that he knows all there is to know. Whereas that's not the case. I cant bring myself to tell him either. I know wht your saying about leaving it as it is but i dont know if m going to be plagued with this feeling forever. Will it ever go away?

I am not convinced he trusts you, nor that he has made full disclosure. Of course, I do not have to be. You described him as just about perfect. I think you are going to find out differently very quickly.

I do not believe you have anything to disclose.

I understand what you feel....I had same kinda experience before....I got intimate with an ex-boyfriend whom I still love to this day....then I didn't say anything about the relationships that I had between my divorce and meeting him....leaving him thinking that he's the second one in my life and well...he was so proud....then I found out I can't live with this lie....so, all of a sudden, I told him in the bed...."I've been with two other guys besides you!"....he got shocked, but he said..."ok"....that's it....he said why were you afraid of telling me and you lie to me? that was his questions....but later on he dropped it and he wasn't upset....he even was happy that I told him....
I believe this is more for you than him....This is in your mind....He doesn't need to know about couple of not serious relationships that you have....I think you are creating monster in your head....so, if you can't keep the monster in you, then let it out and see what the monster will do? Are you ready to do such a thing?
M

Hmm, this is a tricky situation. From my experience, guys tend to cling to the image that they're the first man in their girlfriend's life, even if they know otherwise. I tend to date very liberal people, but even still all of them seemed to get fairly jealous when I bring up my romantic past. I'm sure your fiance isn't naive enough to think you've never, ever had feelings for anyone else in the past--but like most guys, that's not something he wants to think about or dwell on. A lot of relationships between young people that I've seen operate on a sort of don't-ask-don't-tell policy with respect to each other's past relationships (except for serious issues like domestic violence or STDs that may impact the current relationship). Frankly, most guys just don't want to know. You hadn't gone all the way with anyone else, and you've never felt for anyone else what you feel for him, right? That's what's important. He may have shared the details of his past relationships, but all you'll accomplish by doing the same is possibly causing sad and jealous feelings in him. If he truly loves you and you feel you must absolutely tell him, I'm sure he'll understand and be okay with it, even if he's a little hurt at first. But I think it's unnecessary to feel required to divulge intimate details about one's past to one's significant other (even if you intend to marry them) because it's irrelevant to the current relationship altogether. Don't spoil the unparalleled happiness you can feel in a truly great relationship by worrying about some imagined obligation...just because you're in love with or even married to someone doesn't mean some memories and thoughts are yours and yours alone. Do whatever you feel is best in the end, of course, but I think it's perfectly acceptable to completely disregard your past in favour of embracing your present...and your future.