[raiyel]

Well, my wife decided to stay and see what the therapist has to say about my problems! so that's a great sign! she didn't just bail out immediately! i'm positively thrilled! may actually have a chance to fix myself, our marriage, and possibly get everything looking up for a change! it's been a really rough day after talking with her about the conditions of her staying, the things i have to work on before i get to the therapist, her saying that depending what the therapist says will be the final decision maker, etc. but! i'm still looking up right now

[BashfullOne]

I glad to hear that your staying positive! That is such a good sign. I will keep you in my prayers that everything works out for you, raiyel!

[raiyel]

thanks bashful, much appreciated

[Catherine2]

raiyel,
my best wishes for this to work for you and your wife...

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes.
Just as important is how you are feeling about it.
We Care

In Peace

[NuckingFutz]

Congrats but do you have any conditions for her or are all the problems in the marriage your fault? She sounds demanding.

[Rhapsody]

((( HUGS ))) - hang in there... it took my husband three years of me being in counseling for my self before he would get involved... but the fact remains that he did and we are better off for it.

May you both find common ground to build on.

[raiyel]

unfortunately at this point i'm not in a position to have any conditions set for her... she has a very close male friend who i am not comfortable with her spending as much time with as she does, however i am able to tolerate that while i work on myself... i guess everyone needs someone to talk to and she says that she just doesn't feel like she can talk to me about some things. i'm hoping things work out and i'm hoping they start to look up, but her being home again is the first major step

[raiyel]

(and yes, she's extremely demanding/high maintenance but she does not see herself that way)

[NuckingFutz]

Lots of hugs and well wishes for you in the future. May the future hold much happiness for you!

[raiyel]

well... she still says for right now she is considering our marriage over... she's just waiting to see what the therapist says to see if she wants to try again... she's getting ready to go visit her boyfriend... so much for taking her out to dinner...

[lynn P.]

I know exactly how that feels - so awkward - having a spouse live at home and seeing them get ready to go out with someone else. I know that pain very well. Sorry you're going through this.

[NuckingFutz]

Wow, you are really handling this well. Keep posting. I hope we are a good source of support for you durring this rough time.

[lynn P.]

Maybe they'll choke on their food - sorry.

[raiyel]

i wouldn't really say i'm handling it well heh...i'm just handling it... it helps that i can't remember a lot of the conversations we've had lol

[raiyel]

heh i love my wife, and her boyfriend is one of my best friends... just kills me that i can't be the one she comes to with her problems and she feels like she can't trust me since i told her about my problems... so no matter what happens i hope she's happy...that's all i've wanted for her, but unfortunately she doesn't see that and thanks to what ever it is i have i can't be there for her all the time (she says it's like talking to different people all the time and that she knows nothing about me even though we've been together 6 years, and to be honest, i can't remember a lot of conversations we've had or things we've done together) so i'm going for help for that and hopefully it will help our relationship too

[lynn P.]

I hope everything works out for you. It just doesn't seem fair that she's going with your best friend.

[raiyel]

she sees nothing wrong with it and thinks all of our marriage problems are my fault lol

[lynn P.]

That's not true. Are they celebrating Valentine's Day?

[raiyel]

she's just giving him a gift then coming home, he has to work tonight otherwise they would be...she's taking him out next week though

[Doomed]

Hi,IM new to this site.Im glad theres others that have the same problems as me.As crazy as that may sound.Last night I posted in great detail about the whole relationship from 1985 to now,of my marriage.Took about 1 1/2 hours to type(and not a slow typer).I must have taken too long and said that I was no longer signed in so couldnt post what I had.Bummed me out.Maybe down the line I can get everything sadi,little by little..My marriage in my eyes is over.My feelings are gone for my husband.He has never been there for me in my time of sadness.Never wanted to hear what I have to say about anything.So therefore I drown in my own sorrows.I never have turned him away for anything.My heart has become cold now.Shying away from emotional and physical contact.He knows things are wrong,but just cant seem to get close now.About a year and a half ago is when it was the final draw of my feelings for him.No emotion.I started seeing someone we both knew 9 months ago.It became very intense for this man and myself.There was nothing sexua.We both agreed to this.lWe have feelings for eachother.I told my husband 9 months ago it was pretty much over.He broke down.I didnt.My feelings have went away.I have fallen in love with this other man and he doesnt know it.Yet.I will always love my husband dearly,but feel theres nothing there anymore to keep it together.He always put me on the back burner.Only brought me to the front when he needed.We never dated or have anything really in common.Dont know how we ever lasted this long.Hes a good man in many ways,but feel he is not compatible.We live mostly in silence.I dont want that any longer.I feel my life has been wasted in some ways,not getting to do what I like.He never really wants to do anything,go anywhere.Only if theres others with us,he seems more comfortable.Makes me feel bad.I love him,but not in love anymore.Not sure if I should stay and sink myself deeper into sadness.He tried to do a massive turn around.I feel Im forcing him into things.Not gonna happen.Dont think a councilor would even help now.I asked him afew years back to go with me.He said he had no problems.He should have still gone with me.I spent most of this relationship on my own.Just dont know what to do now. This is it for now.Just beside myself. Thanks for listening.

[raiyel]

i was going to repropose tonight and try to start over and get things back on track... but now i'm not so sure if that's such a good idea

[NuckingFutz]

Check your private messages. Hope it helps!

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by raiyel

i was going to repropose tonight and try to start over and get things back on track... but now i'm not so sure if that's such a good idea

raiyel,
You have more patience and understanding than most anyone I know...
My ex and I live together for financial reasons, and to a lesser degree, chronic health problems.

But there were solid rules put in place before we started the arrangements..
Number one is no bringing home dates. Period. I've honored my side, I believe he has also. 'Course he knows I will ****** about it if it happens...I don't ask for much but I do expect respect for this mutual decision.

Half the house is mine, we share the kitchen, have family time with the kids and grandkids.
Perfect solution? No.
Workable? Yes.
It took a lot for us to get to this point...so far, so good.

Please...take care of yourself.
Because you have a condition that affects your memory is no reason for you to be shown anything less than courtesy and respect.

jmo, of course

In Peace

[NuckingFutz]

Did she get you a gift for Valentines?