[Csav321]

Hello, I am new here...I have a problem and I know what the answer is but I feel like Im going insane.
The problem starts like this. My boyfriend and I have been together, and living together for 3 and half years now. We were 22 when we hooked up. One hobby we had was drugs, alot of drugs.....eventually we started taking alot of opiates...ALOT...It was expensive, It caused me to be depressed and generally very unhealthy feeling..My boyfriend did not experience these symptoms as far as he will admit anyway. Eventually, at our 2 year mark he initiated HEROIN. I said NO!!! but he eased it in and I had no control...So eventually I did it. I main lined 2 times, the second time I went to the kitchen to get a coke and woke up in a hospital bed with an iv in my arm. I overdosed. that was when I said ENOUGH!! What am I doing!!!! so I stopped. it has been a year now since that has happened and my boyfriend has persisted to use drugs. I never know what though, heroin, pills, he acts the same on all of it and he LIES LIES LIES LIES. Ill say " you look messed up, what did you take?" NOTHING he says, over and over....and you can imagine where it goes from there. This is constant, more than twice a week I find myself wondereing if he is on something. He won't stop and more importantly, he has lied to me soooo much that I don't trust him. He doesn't take responsibility for anything. His mother has supported him up until now. He is in air traffic control school now and fears that if he gets a job he wont be able to see me and it wont work around his school schedule. He does physically train a few people here and there for extra dough.

I want to leave him. I love him though and he will beg and blame, saying Im a hipocrit because I used drugs too. But Can I live without him?? He is funny and we get along so great except for the drugs and lying, oh and the not being a responsible adult. Will he ever stop? I think I just need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing. I can't imagine my life without him but all I know is I just want to trust him and I want him to be able to see how he is hurting me and his self with his drug problem, which he completely denies he has.. How can a person take a drug and be ok with repeatedly lying about it day in and day out.....what is going through his head??? he doesn't cheat on me and he doesn't go out with his single friends, he a good cuddler, he always answers his phone when I call, he doesn't treat my like an alien when Im hormonal or pms-ing, he likes to travel like me, he is so smart and nothing about him repulses me except for the drugs...he could take a poo in front of me and it wouldn't gross me out..I mean doesn't that mean something??? My love is unconditional but damn it I can't live this way!! I used to know for sure he was the man I would spend my life with. It was that feeling you get when you know, the one everyone talks about...they say " oh you'll know if he is the right one" well I used to!! DO I just ignore that and chalk it to electricity and the newness junk?? Geez, like I said, Im going insane!!! I know this was a long message, I just need so help

I want to leave him.

Hello, Csav321. Drugs and lying and in denial. He will not listen to your pleas now. Do you there is a realistic chance he will change?

[amy83]

A person has to want to quit for themself. They will never do just because you love them and want them to. They will lie about it, they don't want you to know they are dong it. I think he knows it hurts you, and thats why he lies. I was married to an alcoholic... I'm not anymore I couldnt stand it anymore. H e said when we had our son he'd quit... He didnt... We had fights i called the cops... he didnt quit....Now he lives with his mom and still drinks, lost more than one job....
You may love everything else about him, but the drugs are gonna be there and they are hard to get rid of... The drugs are bad, they will ruin you, your hope of a family. And quite possibly kill him....
Don't try to make him quit to be with you, he's got to want to do it himself or it will never work...

[Doomed]

First of all being a ''Air Traffic Controller'' on drugs...hmmm. Not for me.He would have to definately HAVE TO STOP his drugs.But one has to do it on their own.It could get you started up all over again.Do you want to risk that?He needs to look for some treatment and would help him if you helped him get that help.But first he has to realize he has a serious problem.I would certainly talk to him and get the help he needs.Because with drugs,you will NEVER have a true relationship.I feel bad for you,but there is always hope.Talk to him.He does have a huge problem,and needs to get it fixed,for both of you to survive...litterally. Sorry to hear of this.

[uoffl]

Drug is an addiction, and as long as the addicted person believes there's nothing wrong with it, they won't let you help them. Once he realizes in his own mind it's a problem, he has the potential to overcome it and become a better person without drugs. The hard part is to get him to see it as the problem if you decide to stay to help him.
I feel like, if you stay, and he doesn't seek help, the drug addiction will wedge between both of you, and you will grow resentment toward him.
Now, if he does seek help with his addiction because he sees it as a problem, it won't be an easy ride either. I imagine it'd be a really really bumpy road with maybe relapses and re-tries on his part several times. It probably will require a lot of patience from you.
If you decide to leave, you will be relieved on your part because you're no longer around toxic environment. You'll be able to heal and move on to a healthier relationships. For him, he will be hurt deeply, and he may or may not seek help once you leave.
Just look at the situations realistically at what might happen if you leave/or stay and what you can and cannot handle.
I hope it'll work out for the best.

[salukigirl]

First of all CONGRATULATIONS! My sister dropped out of high school bc of drugs and has never gotten her life back on track (this was over 10 years ago). My dad is an alcoholic and has admitted to doing coke and a whole slew of other things. That alone scared me out of doing drugs. I am sooooo happy you could see the effect it was having on you! A lot of people never get that far and it sounds like your bf is one of those people.

Besides a person who socially drinks or smokes pot once in a while I would pretty much never trust a drug user. In my experience, they will sacrifice just about anything for drugs. You can't control him and it doesn't sound like you guys are good for each other.

Do yourself a favor and get out while you can. Do not feel guilty! You need to save yourself. You have already quit drugs, use this as an opportunity to start a new life.

[Csav321]

Thank you all for your advice. It has really helped alot. I talked to him about this last night. I said that I was really looking to settle down and start a family. He is not a good boyfriend, his values are different than mine, there is NO WAY IN HELL we can raise a child together.. What if he does sober up, and someone dies in his family ,or he loses his job and it causes a relapse, do I want to have a child to think about when his drug habits begin tormenting me and making me unstable again, NO WAY!!! I will not put my child through that. It emotionally and mentally drains me, that is not good for your child to see. I told him I didn't think it would work out because of all these reasons............it was silent, he stayed on the couch and we went to sleep. He woke up and went to school and kissed me goodbye.....That is difficult because I love him, I just can't handle the reality of the situation but I am facing it. He is not facing it by acting as if I didn't say any of it. He probably wont even bring it up if I don't bring it up today.. I wish he would say, your right I understand. I will find somewhere else to live and deal with my problem. Maybe one day when I can get my act together we can try again. But no, he just makes excuses and says but, but, but, but this, but that. It makes no difference to me, I don't need his excuses. I want him to be humiliated and sorry. But your right, he won't stop unless something happens to make him want to. IF carrying me into the ER when I wasn't breathing and seconds away from losing my life isn't enough to make him stop, what is??? I can't wait for something to happen to make him want to stop, he has plenty of reasons but is too dumb to see it...And I certainly can't help him if he's lying....maybe he' not lying, maybe Im paranoid...I am resentful because that drives me crazy..its his fault I feel that way, I don't trust him. He acts as if he doesn't understand . I will not be able to get through to him whether I stay or leave him. He will not change if he doesn't understand. he says but Im not doing it as much as I used to, I only took Tramadol, I just shot up that one time ( this was 2 weeks ago) because I was drunk, "So I ****ed up" give me a break, why are you freaking out now this happened 2 weeks ago he says...Im like WHAT?!!! he has no clue how this affects me.. I can't believe he is asking me why I don't trust him after he shot up 2 weeks ago and just 5 days ago he took tramadol which he in NOT prescribed. Its so hard for me to believe that he really just doesn't get it. Its like he will tell me he knows its wrong but he does it any way or justifies it by saying he is not as bad as he used to be. If he knows its wrong then why won't he admit he needs treatment no matter how seldom or often he does it. I have little tolerence for this now and whether its 2 times a week or 2 times a month he needs professional help in my opinion.