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  #1  
Old Jun 23, 2005, 07:29 PM
seeker1950's Avatar
seeker1950 seeker1950 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2005
Location: WV
Posts: 8,131
I've posted here previously about my relationship with a man who rejected me. I am 54, divorced 8 years, and about 10 days ago, I sent him another email, just chatty, upbeat, congratulating him on his new job as a college professor, and telling him about my grad. classes in Fine Art. But, the next day, while in class, I became physically ill, with a bout of irritable bowel syndrome. I stopped up the commode in the ceramics studio, and campus plumbers had to be called!!! So embarrassing! I explained it as a
"virus," and other students are experiencing similar symptoms, so I felt relieved in that respect, but I KNOW it was no physical virus, just an emotional one!

Why the hell can't I let this go??? Now, even my body is telling me how unhealthy it is. I will not contact him again after this experience, but I continue to think about him.

Seeker

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  #2  
Old Jun 23, 2005, 07:38 PM
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(JD) (JD) is offline
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Location: Coram Deo
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Sorry to hear about your problem. Obviously you need to "voice" your thoughts outwardly about this, so you don't continue to internalize them? Do you keep a journal? Or blog? I might suggest using a "balance" sheet with the relationship? On a piece of paper (or computer screen) at the top make a subject line like Do I need to give this relationship up... then draw line down the middle. On top of one side put YES and the other side top NO (oh, you know you select what the titles are)

Then list. Don't second guess yourself... if something goes on both sides, list it on both sides. Don't make excuses yes, but... ok?

Sometimes seeing it with our own eyes, and especially having gone over it with our brains.. helps us follow through with what we know is best for us. I became physically ill after contacting him... feel better.
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I became physically ill after contacting him...
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  #3  
Old Jun 24, 2005, 02:15 AM
darkeyes darkeyes is offline
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Member Since: May 2001
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That's an excellent idea, something many of us can use, besides verbalizing, which is a great release too I became physically ill after contacting him...
Good luck and hope you feel better soon

Sincerely,
Roe
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I became physically ill after contacting him...
  #4  
Old Jun 24, 2005, 09:15 AM
Artist Artist is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2005
Posts: 104
Seeker your body was telling you something. Maybe it was getting this man out of your system. next time you See the Janitor tell him you are sorry for the mess But really were not sick. You were just getting rid of an ex boyfriend and had to dump him somewhere appropriate.
Some people Know that list as the Ben Franklin list. It is said that when The declaration of Independence was being debated Franklin would often employ that list to help himself make decisions. I use i a lot when I can't make up my mind.
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  #5  
Old Jun 24, 2005, 11:01 AM
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MacD MacD is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2004
Posts: 530
It's good that you're so aware of what your body is telling you...hang in there and by all means...write, write, write...in addition to the physical "expulsion", you'll find that putting your feelings to paper is very cathartic too....love grace
  #6  
Old Jun 24, 2005, 02:38 PM
seeker1950's Avatar
seeker1950 seeker1950 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2005
Location: WV
Posts: 8,131
Thank you all for the insightful responses. "Getting rid of an exboyfriend," LOL!!!....good to see humor in this. I do have increasing moments of clarity in my thinking....I call them "epiphanies," in which it's like a lightbulb coming on, and say to myself...AHHH!!!, that wasn't the way to treat someone!l Also, my periods of well-being are increasing in which I am not thinking of him. I have faith that this will continue to increase, and diminish thoughts of my experience with this man. I don't have much time to write at this moment because of the damanding and rigorous acedemic schedule of two summer grad classes, both of which are studio art, but the work I am doing, despite the deadlines, the physical strain, getting up at 5:00 a.m. each day to commute to campus, are all a joy to me because it is both a new creative experience surrounded by positive people, and because it draws me out of the obsessive thinking.
Last, I just want to add that it is a blessing to have such caring, empathetic and intelligent people responding to my questions and concerns. This has been a big help!
Seeker
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