How do you keep your first relationship to last a long time?

I am 17 and was in my first actual relationship. I obsessed about every little detail (what she said, what she did, her reactions to certain things I said, my feelings). It ruined my relationship with this girl and we only went out for a month and a half.

Due to all of these thoughts I got overly stressed out and couldn't handle anything. It wasn't the girl, this girl was amazingly nice to me and really cares about me. I also really care about her. But the thing is, I obsessed about being curious about other relationships.

I mainly got curious about relationships because this was my first relationship and I enjoyed how fun it is to see what it's like, also the fact that I could only see her once a week because she has 8 siblings and her parents would be strict about letting her out a lot. This also made it seem like I was following er schedule, which ticked me off. But I mean, I really loved being around this girl but I couldn't enjoy anything because of my obsessions.

Even after we broke up she called me that night to check up on how I was doing. This showed me how much she cares and o don't understand why I would get so selfish. Then once I got out of the relationship I didn't really feel like pursuing anyone else even though I have that curiousity and I could only think about my ex. I don't think I can get over her because he was just so wonderful to me and I miss her so much. Even though i'm less stressed out I realize how good she was to me.

I just want to not let the obsession of curiousity take over of I begin dating er again and it's still there but it's so confusing because I have a strong curiousity there too.

how do you make your first relationship last without letting your curiousity of others take over?

Maybe if you learned about your obsessiveness; where it comes from and how it comes up in different situations, you will be able to manage your life better. This all comes with time and experience.

Trying to hold on to something that is gone is so frustrating. All the focus we put on it won't change the outcome, it has already been decided.

The fear of letting go can really stand in your way in life, keep you from being able to move toward things you want. I hope you can talk to your therapist about how hard it is for you to let go.

Hi Echoes, thanks for sharing your story! I know how frustrating it can be to want to hold onto something that is gone. And I also understand how swept away we can be in a first relationship - everything seems hightened, both our deep feelings for this person, and our obsessions about otherwise trivial things. Please don't think I am patronising when I say this is partly because of teenage hormones! You are caught up in biology just as much as a woman who suddenly feels she can't live without having a child - this is normal, this is nature, even though feeling out of control because of our bodies can drive us crazy sometimes! :-) The important thing I think is that you learn from this relationship, and it seems like you have quite good self awareness that you understand what was going on with you, even if you couldn't change it. That's ok too. Don't feel discourgaed, most of us don't go on to spend the rest of our lives with the first person we have a relationship with, but the fact you are still on friendly terms indicates you are already developing a kind of maturity you can be proud of. The next step in dealing with your obsessions is to realise we all have different experiences in life, and to try and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Imagine next time you meet a girl and fall for her, if she was to obsess about your relationship with this first girl? How would you feel? Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up over this, but also recognise that sometimes a person's previous experience has taught them important lessons that actually makes them better at relationships the next time around. Just like you will be in your next one. Our experiences, if we are wise enough to learn form them, make us better, more rounded people. Learn from this, and allow your partners in life to learn from theirs too. I wish you all the best Echoes!