[Hopeful78]

Here I go again................sitting here bawling at the computer. I am so glad that I found this site and you guys to take the edge off.

I'm so tired of going up and down in this relationship, one minute happy and hopeful, the next minute upset and worried. One little thing and it flips my whole world upside down. I am so nervous all of the time, just cannot trust that he will keep loving me and not forget about me. We have had hour after hour of discussions face-to-face where I can see he genuinely loves me, but then the separation comes and I can't live with it. Can love really hold out over beautiful foreign strangers, I'm just not sure.

When I left I almost wished that I wouldn't see him just long enough to get over him so that it wouldn't be so painful. Because when I see him again, it just brings it back home how much I hate to be without him. And sure enough he is coming to work here and will be here just long enough to have another painful goodbye too soon.

I have told him in the past that I don't know if I'm worth him trying so hard anyway. I have never been able to trust in a relationship and in the past I have been the one to distrust. I feel constant compulsions to check up on him; of course, the more I do it, the worse I feel the need. But I have tried for long periods not to do this and been very successful, then one day, something pops into my head and here I go again. I've almost just begged him to cut me loose because there is no way that I can let him go. I love him too much, but then again maybe I would just have the guts to walk away if I did. I'm so unsure of myself. Do I really love anything? If I did, I wouldn't do these things, right? Why do I feel crazy all the time and why do I constantly wonder about things I shouldn't and feel like I must find out just to get that relief?

I can't stop being angry and sad and questioning, then hopeful and walking on clouds (very short time usually), then to almost suicidal. I just want to have a stable mood!!!!

Maybe I should not entertain the notion of romantic relationships, because when I'm not emotionally involved, I have truly had a better outlook on life.

Hello, Hopeful78.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/relations...ust-again.html

How are you doing, Hopeful78?

[Tyrla]

hello there.
i came across your post and everything that you are going through right now is the same as what i have been trying to get over and what i find myself going through too. if you want to talk more about it with me i will be happy to! we seem to have the same things going on at this point of time.
hang in there!

[Hopeful78]

Thanks for your concern, TheByzantine. I'm really having a lot of obssessive thoughts about my other half travelling around right now. It's as if a new place always means "danger." If I've been with him and I can visualize how he is there, then I'm almost OK. Last night was better, but now I'm about to head out for a job interview, and all I can do is obssess and try to swallow down this lump of anxiety. This was supposed to be good news for us, but I can't even be happy, just want to cry some more.

[Hopeful78]

Thank you Tyrla. I think I'll take you up on that. I would love to talk more openly about this.

Have you considered getting professional help to work through this?

[ellewoods212]

I have the same problems. Its a monster. it haunts me, I say I wont check up and I still do. I say I wont worry when he goes hours without texting while hes at school and I do . I feel unloved, uncared for when he doesnt text me and if i come home and hes quiet and i think its my fault... i wish i had good advise...

[Hopeful78]

Thanks for the post ellewoods212. It's nice to know that others like me are out that, although I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. I just feel so overwhelmed and compelled to do it, but then feel nasty and bad afterwards. And no real satisfaction comes from it, because it's another cycle all over again later.

To answer your question, TheByzantine, I have thought about therapy for years now. I have a problem with doing too much self-help and I'm wary of therapy. I never really had the extra funds to do it and now I especially don't. But now I know I need help more than ever - ironic huh? I know I have to do something, just not sure what direction to start in. I feel stuck.

[ellewoods212]

I know I considered therapy as well, since I have all the signs of a dependent personality disorder. the anxiety , the fear of abandonment. all I can say is that praying has helped me some, as well as logging into these forums and looking up stuff that relate to my fears and seeing the replies other ppl give..it gives me a sense of comfort and brings me back to reality when ppl give advise about how I feel...

Good luck to both of you.