[Cbminor]

I do not know what I am doing wrong. And am really mad at the media for the way they tell young girls how the should behave and what guys to pick, and who are losers and who are cool. Personaly I hate those two perspectives "cool" and "loser" those things do not tell the truth about who the person really is. I feel like am a nice guy, I am not a jerk. I ahve had only one girlfriend before and that was in 6th grade! There was no romance. I need advice. I am not desperate, don't get me wrong. But it is my human instinct to be interested in girls.

[LMo]

I agree with you 100% and I applaud you for working on improving this aspect of your life. I'm not sure how old you are, but teenage years can be very difficult for dating. You're right about the media and "cool" vs "loser", but rest assured that those juvenile labels become less prevalent once you're in college.

Here are the things I think can turn a nice guy into a great catch:
- find a unique sport and learn to excel in it (bike racing, martial arts, juggling?)
- find a cool and unique job that gives you expertise in something and will make you marketable (early internship in a field you think you might enjoy as an adult)
- find a friend who has a sister who is in college and who is cool and friendly. Ask her to come shopping with you and see if she has any hair suggestions. I think that many college girls would be happy to do that for a nice guy who isn't a jerk

Why don't you give us some examples of your attempts that didn't work out, or an example of what you're thinking about trying, and we can give you some feedback.

Welcome, Alex,
LMo

[Cbminor]

There isn't really a strategy that i have or ever did. Yes I am a teenager. And usualy, I am a bit shy, but I am smart. I am not bad looking (and that is not just me judginig) girls often ask my help. I do not ask girls out often, because first of all, I do not want to be a player, I have my reasons.

When i do, i often try to get to know her a bit. But I do not make it look like I am checking her out, I dont want to scare them, cause I know how they can be. Secondly, I find out if she has a boyfriend. Once I was very sure that she was single. However, when I asked her out, she said that she had a boyfriend, in another school. That kind of makes me wonder. And that is not the first time that happened. I simply do not know what I am doing wrong.

I mean I see these guys who probably dont even give a crap how their girlfriend feels or what she wants and they get everything. I wish this would be much simpler. And you suggested that I should be really good at one thing. Well, I am pretty good at singing compared to everyone else in the school. but I do not see how that helps in the beginning. Thank you for your time, you know it kind takes pride and guts to post this, it's just that I like the way people are so positive here.

[Cbminor]

There isn't really a strategy that i have or ever did. Yes I am a teenager. And usualy, I am a bit shy, but I am smart. I am not bad looking (and that is not just me judginig) girls often ask my help. I do not ask girls out often, because first of all, I do not want to be a player, I have my reasons.

When i do, i often try to get to know her a bit. But I do not make it look like I am checking her out, I dont want to scare them, cause I know how they can be. Secondly, I find out if she has a boyfriend. Once I was very sure that she was single. However, when I asked her out, she said that she had a boyfriend, in another school. That kind of makes me wonder. And that is not the first time that happened. I simply do not know what I am doing wrong.

I mean I see these guys who probably dont even give a crap how their girlfriend feels or what she wants and they get everything. I wish this would be much simpler. And you suggested that I should be really good at one thing. Well, I am pretty good at singing compared to everyone else in the school. but I do not see how that helps in the beginning. Thank you for your time, you know it kind takes pride and guts to post this, it's just that I like the way people are so positive here.

[LMo]

Hmmm... thinking...

Maybe the way you're "asking out" is too direct. Although it's kind of sad that teenage dating seems to have fallen by the wayside, you might be better off in a group setting than asking someone new for a 1-on-1 date. Can you have a party at your house? Are your parents cool? Or maybe try to get a bunch of people together to go eat pizza and invite the prospective girl to that. She might feel less pressured and appreciate being included in a group hang-out session than if you invited her to the movies. Then, if you get a vibe during the group outing that she is interested (for example, if she talks to you and only you for an extended period of time even if everyone else is talking as a group), then THAT would be the time to make your move.

Just an idea. I'm not a teenager anymore so I don't know how things have changed precisely, but that's the best to my recollection...

Hang in there,
LMo

[Cbminor]

thx fury

[Eternal_Cat]

Don't worry about the image portrayed in the media. These images are created by ad men and women who are totally out of touch with your age group anyway. And because they think that people your age are gullible, they feed you garbage about classing you into two groups, ie loser and cool . . . the fact is they're just using these two labels to get people to buy their %#@&#!. We have more in common with one another than we do with the ad companies. They distort the truth to make it seem like you really NEED their wares.

A lot of ad ppl use the 'battle of the sexes' thing to get ppl's attention, but the sexes have more in common with each other than we do with the ad guys.

My advice. %#@&#! em.

[Cbminor]

thx for the support guys

[MacD]

Alex...I'm not being trite...believe me...but watch the movie, Hitch......it's very enlightening....grace