Well, one less might not seem like a problem, except I only have one. She has not been answering my calls or emails for about 5 weeks now. I don't pester her, I think I've called twice and emailed twice, and left a note on her front door one day when I was in her neighbourhood. I don't make a lot of demands, I just ask how things are going and say it would be nice to hear from her. When we do get together she seems to enjoy our conversations.
She did this a few months ago and when she finally did pop up again I didn't ask why she disappeared I just said it was good to see her and left it at that. I am sure she is not sick since someone who knows both of us mentioned seeing her at a party a couple of weeks ago and she was having a great time.
I know people get busy and lose track of each other, and I know she has a lot of other friends, so maybe it is not so noticeable to her.
Anyhow, I don't know what I have done to offend her. I guess if she does call me I'm gong to have to ask this time what is up.
I am always being encouraged to develop more of a support network and this feels like a backward step.
Well anyhow I guess I'm just babbling here. Hopefully not whining. Life just feels a bit lonelier than usual right now.

Perhaps one less... a friend? Not from my perspective.

Well, except I have known her for almost ten years, which is some kind of a record for me. And she has seen me at my worst and didn't seem to waver then. But I guess it may just be a case of 'people change, people move on...' something like that. I think just don't fit her life any more somehow. I wish she would just say so. Perhaps this will spur me on to get out and meet more people. Not something I specialize in, obviously.

[IndigoRose]

If a person cannot make you a priority in their life, regardless of how many friends they may have, then they aren't worthy of you.

[IndigoD]

Hi Ripley, don't feel lonely, you can always come here and chat to us! :-)
There are many reasons why your friend may have "gone under-ground." I think the important thing here is for you to be the strong friend - maybe send a message just to say you want to make sure she is ok, if she could just text or email to let you know, that would be great. Maybe everything is just fine in her life, and she doesn't realise how much you depend on her, so this will be a not-too-heavy way of checking in. But maybe she has some things of her own to deal with, and if she suspects you need her for emotional support as well, she may just feel she can't be that strong right now. Sure, she should have told you, but maybe she doesn't want to hurt you. The important thing is not to make her feel guilty for being busy or having other friends - this will make you seem needy to her, and while we all want to help our friends in need, we also want to laugh and have fun with them sometimes too! :-)
I really think you are right that this should spur you on to make more friends, instead of thinking you are no good at this, use this example of a ten year long friendship as proof you can do it well! I am sure you can make more friends if you set your heart to it, it just requires being a little brave, and being prepared to follow up with people you hardly know - in the hopes you will get to know them eventually! When you meet a person who seems nice, get their email or phone number - and do call, txt or email them. It seems hard at first, but it gets easier. Txts are a good way to start! Once you have a selection of friends, you won't rely so heavily on this one person for your happiness, and also, you may even find it will difficult at times to schedule them all in!
Good luck Ripley, and remember, you already have friends here!

Thanks Indigo,

I did as you suggested and called her again and left a message saying "hi, haven't heard from you hope all is well call me when you feel like it". I left a message like that a couple of weeks ago too. :Last week I emailed asking if she and her partner would like to attend a concert my brother us singing in, my treat. No reply.
I hope she is not having a hard time, but if she is and I am not someone she sees as a support, then what use am I anyhow? And how could I ever expect her to be a support for me? I just don't get this.
With the exception of when I crashed and burned 4 years ago, I don't actually depend on her a lot, I don't really depend on anyone. But I enjoy her company and it's nice to have someone to hang out with once in a while who isn't family...

well thanks for 'listening'...I guess I just need to let go and grieve and move on.

[ruffy]

(((((Ripley)))) I know how you feel. Its sad when people become so self absorbed in life, they forget the most important thing are the people who care about them. Its amazing that in a world full of billions of people, we can feel so alone. But we all do. You are not alone cutie! We care about you.

[Hopeful78]

ripley, I also have problems making long-lasting connections with people, well mainly because I put everything into one person (so far, usually a romantic partner at that). It is the BIGGEST reason I am here. I know I have to quit relying so much on him to be everyone. Because not only will I probably push him away, but once he's gone, it'll be an even bigger loss than it would be if I had others to support me.

Yeah, I know, easier said than done. But I think that both of us are on the right track by being here. So far, everyone here has been so supportive.

I do feel for you, because I've known the feeling my whole life, it seems. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

Well, my friend has resurfaced. She has indeed been very busy. I guess I need to be more patient. But on the other hand, it does not take more that a minute or so to send an email saying 'got your message and will be in touch'
But, rather than carry forward any kind of grievance, I will just let her know when I do see her that I get insecure when weeks go by with no response to my hellos. Will that make me seem needy and pathetic? I hope not.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by ripley

...I will just let her know when I do see her that I get insecure when weeks go by with no response to my hellos. Will that make me seem needy and pathetic?

It might, if it were to come across as, "It's your job to keep me from feeling insecure."

Yeah, I guess I need to think more about what it is I really want her to understand. Or maybe this is just how it goes and I should just get over it. But I think the lesson I have learned is that I don't matter enough to her for her to just stop and acknowledge my existence. Is it not just rude somehow to ignore 5 or six 'hellos' from someone over a six week period? Maybe my expectations are distorted, but I know I would never do that to her.
I guess the real issue here is not her behaviour, but whether how I am affected by things even matters at all. I have lived my life under the assumption that it doesn't/didn't. Now In therapy I am being encouraged to believe that I do matter. And then someone's behaviour seems to say that I don't. Perhaps I am just too susceptible to reading that into things.
I guess I need to just stop thinking about this as it is getting me nowhere but confused. I will just look forward to seeing my friend and leave it at that.