[isadora]

Ok well my bf and i have been fighting lately and he doesnt trust me i need tips to prove to him he can trust me and that i love him with all my heart someone please please give me good tips thank u

[lynn P.]

Why doesn't he trust you? Is it from your relationship or does it come from his insecurities. If I were were you I would reassure him sincerely once and ask him for his trust and for him to relinquish his distrust and have faith. After that it's up to him.

[isadora]

Well he doesnt trust me because the other day i delete a text i was goin to send him but he thinks im talking with someone else and im not i dont know what to do im always telling him the truth about everything

You shouldn't have to "prove" to someone that you love them and that you're trustworthy.

He's probably the one cheating on you if he's getting paranoid about who you're texting. That's usually the first sign with men. They start questioning you.

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like this comes from his insecurities. As he sees he can trust you, this should work itself out.

isadora, this trust thing has been going on for how long now? Please love yourself enough, isadora, to tell mr. control freak to come again when he does not have so long to stay. Get rid of him. He will always be complaining about something. Always. You deserve better.

[isadora]

Thanks everyone the trust issue its been for one year already.. He tells me he cares about me and he loves me with all his heart and he whats the best for me

[Perna]

He's not your parent so he shouldn't be concerned with "what's best for" you, that's your job, not his. He should be trying to be the best boyfriend he can so you don't have to wonder if he trusts you or not or win his favor. He does not sound secure/comfortable with himself if he is worrying about whether you are trustworth/cheating on him.

[isadora]

He thinks in some point ima cheat on him but i have told him millions of times that i would never do that to hurt him. And people have told him things about my family and he thinks im like them and im not

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by isadora

He tells me he cares about me and he loves me with all his heart and he whats the best for me

Originally Posted by isadora

... he doesnt trust me i need tips to prove to him he can trust me and that i love him with all my heart

And earlier you were saying:

Originally Posted by isadora

...he wants me to be a good girlfriend. What kinds of things I can do to show him that I'm a good girlfriend.
also how can I prove him how much I love him.?

Originally Posted by isadora

... he give me a last chance to prove him that im not a hoe..

I'm afraid this relationship sounds like a one-way street to me. It seems as if:

• You're always the one having to prove something to him.

• He's the one who gets to say if your "proof" is any good or not.

• If there really is something you need to learn about how to be trustworthy or how to be a good girlfriend, he's not going to help you learn it.

• He's nowhere near as interested in being a good boyfriend as you are in being a good girlfriend.

• He wants to keep you around and turn you into a good girlfriend not for your benefit, but for his.

You could choose to take your chances, be the best girlfriend you could to him and settle for whatever he's willing to give you in return. There's no guarantee that he'd give you what you really wanted, nor that you'd be happy for long with what he did give you.

You could even choose to do whatever you could for him just for the sake of doing it, whether or not you ever got anything back. Something tells me that's not where you are, though.

Or you could choose to stand up for yourself, assert your boundaries and tell him: you'll trust him if he'll trust you. You'll agree to work on understanding him if he'll agree to work on understanding you. You'll work on being a good girlfriend to him if he'll work on being a good boyfriend to you while you both work on being straight (with yourselves and each other) about what you need from each other.

Or if he's not willing to work on the relationship with you, you could find someone who is.

I was wondering, Isadora -- does either of these articles do anything for you?

Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

The Tell Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Sounds like you may have some hard work and difficult choices ahead of you. Good luck!

[isadora]

Thanks for the advice. i can say my bf is very jealous but he has never treated me bad. Three time he accuse me that i was flirting with his best friend and cousin and i wasn't. When we go out i cant even stare at nobody cause he might think im staring at the guys. Sometimes i get really stress out he has been a great boyfriend i cant complain. Thanks again for the advice )

It is your life, isadora. I wish you the best.

[sabby]

Originally Posted by isadora

Thanks for the advice. i can say my bf is very jealous but he has never treated me bad. Three time he accuse me that i was flirting with his best friend and cousin and i wasn't. When we go out i cant even stare at nobody cause he might think im staring at the guys. Sometimes i get really stress out he has been a great boyfriend i cant complain. Thanks again for the advice )

Dear Isadora,

I think you may be a bit confused about him being a great boyfriend. A great boyfriend does not accuse you of flirting. A great boyfriend is not very jealous. A great boyfriend doesn't make it so you can't "look" at anyone without being accused of staring at guys.

A great boyfriend discusses what is bothering him, listens to your answers and takes them to heart. A great boyfriend doesn't try to control you or make you anxious or worried about who you are looking at. A great boyfriend doesn't expect you to do all the work and changing in the relationship. A great boyfriend doesn't expect you to make him happy and do his bidding.

Maybe you can sit and think about what you want from a great boyfriend. If you find that you have been the one to make all the changes in this relationship to "make him happy" or to soothe his jealousy, then this is definitely a one-sided relationship and you will grow weary of his never ending accusations. You will grow weary of not having any independence to be who you are and do what you want to do.

Of course, it's your choice to either stay with him or let him go. I'm not saying that this relationship can't be saved. What I am saying is that he needs to make some personal changes in order to not hurt you if he really cares about you. It's a two way street and effort needs to come from both sides

Take care Isadora and best of luck to you in your relationship!

[isadora]

[QUOTE=TheByzantine;1358680]It is your life, isadora. I wish you the best.[/QU thank you TheByzantine

[isadora]

Thanks __Sabby__ for the advice ) well i can say that my bf and i sit together and talk about the things thats bothering him. He has told me to respect myself and be a lady and dress nice not showing. He doesnt like heels. And when he thinks im staring he says ill be staring for more than 10 mins which im not, also that i might be checking the guys out and im not.. sometimes i get really mad. > and the other day he told me he doesnt care what i do in my life. ( thanks everyone for your help and advice

[Sameera]

I will start out by saying that I am a guy, I want to make that clear so there is no confusion due to the forum name.

I don't know you or your history well enough to pass any sort of judgment on your relationship so please don't think that I am judging.

I served in the military for a long while and given the environment I watched many guys with a controlling personality type in their relationships. Not only can I tell you from watching it multiple times but also just the fact that psychology tells us that abusive relationships don't tend to start out that way. Also the only types of abuse aren't just physical or directly aggressive in nature (like screaming or some types of mental abuse).

I have seen a couple of relationships where it was the long term passive aggressive sort of mental abuse that took a toll. It never seems like much to start with but in one case a guy I knew dealt with it for nearly ten years, then shot himself in the head. He was constantly accused of cheating and other things, some of which you have described experiencing.

I say this simply because I want to let you know that while it might not seem so bad right now, it can get worse. Sometimes the things that don't seem so bad have a way of building up.

I would suggest that you step back, take a good honest look at your relationship and see how you really feel about it. Take a look at how his treatment is effecting you and ask yourself if in total the relationship is a positive thing for you.

These things aren't easy to think about, we don't always see the answers we want but you deserve better than to let someone else be a detriment to your life. A relationship is supposed to be a largely positive experience, sure there will always be problems but that doesn't mean you have to put up with things if you aren't happy, or they are making your life worse.

Whatever your decisions, I wish you luck.

[isadora]

Thank u so much sometime i spent alot of time thinking about my relationship. I dont want to leave him because i love him with all my heart. He says the same too. Ill keep you guys updated and thanks again