[halogirl4]

So as I have posted before I am new to all of this...I am 23 and a lesbian. I have been in a recent relationship with my first girlfriend for the past year..we have had our ups and downs like everyone..for the past year we have broken up a total of 6 times and every time she goes back to her ex girlfriend. Well we recently got back together and broke back up within 3 days. I do have a trust issue with her because she sneak around and text her ex and calls and stuff while I am at work so I go through her phone, while I know you shouldn't do. Well our last break up has effected me very badly to the point I cry all the time I have lost so much weight its affecting my work my family and friends everything. I don't want to sleep because I dream of her I just want it all to be over. She tells me she loves me and is in love with me one min then the next she doesn't want to hear from me anymore! I am literally going to go crazy I am in love with her and can't move on!! She has me so depressed I am thinking about checking myself into the hospital because I can't take it anymore! What do I do I need help please anyone have any advice?

Hello, halogirl4. Are you receiving treatment for the depression? If so you might want to discuss this relationship issue with your therapist.

My take is that you and your friend's ex are pawns in a game your friend is playing. Trust is the linchpin of relationships. Your friend needs a lot of work in that area.

You must decide what your are going to do about the relationship. If you are still so depressed you are thinking about checking into a hospital, please call your therapist as soon as possible.

Good luck.

[halogirl4]

no i am not seeing anyone yet i am going tomorrow to hopefully recieve some kind of assistance. You know what you said everyone has said to me and i cant accept that.I mean i love her so much but i know at the same time she is playing a game and is using me...

[halogirl4]

no i am not i am actually going tomorrow to go to the docters and hopefully recieve some kind of assistance. everything you just said other people in my life have said. I know that she is just using me and ****. i just dont know what to do because i love her so much

halogirl4, please ask your doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and treatment, if indicated.

Are you better off with someone who uses you? Do you want to spend all that time with someone really does not seem to care about your feelings?

[sugahorse1]

I've been in a similar situation - my one and only bisexual experience and relationship. To make it worse, she was Bipolar, and was probably too at the time, just not yet diagnosed.
I'm not sure if it's especially lesbian relationships that land up being so intense and a rollercoaster ride, but I definitely agree.
I ended up in major depression and finally went to see a pdoc. When our relationship finally ended I couldn't take it, and tried to OD - I felt no purpose.
I really do understand, but some times you need to realise that not all things that are nice are also good for you.

You need to realise how bad this relationship is, especially as it is really hurting your emotional state. This kind of relationship is toxic and you deserve to be treated better. You don't deserve to constantly play second fiddle.
I'd cut all ties and find someone who really loves me back the way I love them.

for the past year we have broken up a total of 6 times and every time she goes back to her ex girlfriend. Well we recently got back together and broke back up within 3 days.

That sounds like a roller coaster. Not love.

I do have a trust issue with her because she sneak around and text her ex and calls and stuff while I am at work so I go through her phone, while I know you shouldn't do.

Trust issues make sense. Its the love that doesnt.

She tells me she loves me and is in love with me one min then the next she doesn't want to hear from me anymore!

Lesbian or not, She is a player. It doesnt sound like she loves you. It sounds like she played you. Why do you love someone who treats you like this and makes you crazy? Sounds like you're just infatuated because she was your first. Even if you do "love" her..she obviously doesnt feel the same way about you so why bother wasting your energy on her?

I am literally going to go crazy I am in love with her and can't move on!!

Well being stuck where you are now sure sucks.

She has me so depressed I am thinking about checking myself into the hospital because I can't take it anymore! What do I do I need help please anyone have any advice?

Maybe instead of being depressed about it you should just be angry at her for using you and playing you. Then maybe you can hate her and not love her.

[halogirl4]

Its been nothing but a roller coaster ride! I do love her and will love her probably till the day I die! But I am becoming angry with her, I think I might be moving on not too sure! But I'm not calling or texting her so we will see what happens. I am taking it day by day. Oh yeah she played me for a dang fool and I refuse to let it happen anymore but I can't say I'm strong enough yet that if she would come back I wouldn't take her back! I hope I get over this soon but it could take months!

halogirl4, may you decide what is best for you. If you do not look out for yourself, who will?