Here I go..beginning a relation! :)

Junerain · May 03, 2010, 12:49 PM

My car broke down Saturday and needed towing, I called Triple A. The guy that came and towed my car was sweet, intelligent, an all around great guy...I got his number...he got mine

We have a date tomorrow night, his night off..we are going to see Avatar and out to dinner as well, we talked on the phone an hour last night...

He has three kids he gets one day a week, which is the most beautiful thing to me- I work with kids and dreampt in my wildest dreams one day children would be in my life!

He is writing a book about someone whose life is turned upside down by a sudden event, he recommended the author Terry Brooks to me, insisted I check out that author's series- not the typical tow driver

I am excited but worried about my mental health background, which mostly is that up till now I led an extremely empty life..its not like I was ever a criminal or anything I guess...just lots of time in psychiatric emergency with severe depression, lots of firings from jobs due to appearing 'strange' or 'a bit off' (which I have toned down now..appear almost healthy

) and the fact that I am not very close with my family, I have cut off my abusive mother...I guess that is another story..

I have no history of even a half way successful relationship- I have dated all jerks who wouldnt even take me out where I wanted to go, it was all about THEM grrrrrr

So I am all nerves here......as happy as I am, as 'pinching myself' as I am, the end of my bitter dismal loneliness MAY be in sight..

Please pray for me, I need it! I guess all I can be is myself!

lynn P. · May 03, 2010, 12:54 PM

I hope you end up have a wonderful date and this nice guy ends up being someone who you can enjoy life with. I pray it all goes well Junerain.

Ironic how something good comes out of something bad.

perpetuallysad · May 03, 2010, 01:11 PM

Good luck Junerain. You will have to keep us updated.

susan888 · May 03, 2010, 06:15 PM

(((Junerain)))
You are a beautiful person and I hope that you find a mate worthy of you!!! Go on your date with confidence knowing how wonderful you are!!! I am excited for you!!

Sending you best wishes and confidence that this world will return to you what you have given it!!

Envision · May 03, 2010, 07:49 PM

Go slow, be yourself and I hope things work out. Even if you end up just being friends, thats still good news.

Typo · May 04, 2010, 09:46 AM

((((((((Junerain)))))))))

Good luck Junerain, I hope you have a wonderful time, and let us know how it goes.

purple_fins · May 04, 2010, 10:27 AM

Oh! I'm so happy for you.

Please remember though-- don't put too much into this-- it's a night out to get to know someone....
and please try not to be critical of yourself

Yes-- all you can be is yourself-- and that self has so many great qualities.

I'm hoping you have a great time.

keep us posted- K?

fins

May 04, 2010, 01:21 PM

I hope you can relax. This is a:

Ad astra

notz · May 04, 2010, 01:24 PM

Congratulations on your 1st date! I hope there are many more!!

AkAngel · May 04, 2010, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junerain

I am excited but worried about my mental health background, which mostly is that up till now I led an extremely empty life..its not like I was ever a criminal or anything I guess...just lots of time in psychiatric emergency with severe depression, lots of firings from jobs due to appearing 'strange' or 'a bit off' (which I have toned down now..appear almost healthy

) and the fact that I am not very close with my family, I have cut off my abusive mother...I guess that is another story..

I have never held a job over a year, haven't spoken to my abusive mother in 20 years and am more than a bit off...and am married to my hearts greatest desire. My wife worried when we first met that she was 'too broken' for this to work. I told her, and I meant it, that people are like nuts - they need to be broken to get to the good stuff.

I really do mean that. Most people are so superficial. I'm not getting down on them for that, it's human nature. Until one has been through the fire, you really can't even begin to know yourself or do any meaningful self-examination which can lead to becoming more than you are.

Until we are tested we are simply human animals - which isn't a bad thing necessarily; I like animals. But when tested we gain the possibility of becoming human beings. It makes us different than others but certainly not worse, different with incredible potential.

Enjoy yourself and him and have a wonderful date.

Junerain · May 05, 2010, 08:22 AM

I am smiling a big sloppy grin as I write to you, my PC family....

He was such a gentle person, so kind, so beautiful inside and out...

When we watched Avatar I leaned in out of my seat in an anxious mess after a while...he rubbed my back gently, asked if I was feeling anxious, I cuddled in close, and he held my hand, gently stroking it

The conversation was light and sweet, honest, full of good ideas and stories about the special moments in our lives..

I can feel the dismal, empty, bitter, and heartwrenching lonlieness melt away...like the thought I had to spend the rest of my life alone (after all I hadnt met anyone at all half worthy in my 37 years of hell..) well that thought....is fading..

He kissed me gently at the end of the night and asked if he could call me later in the week..I said YES

I love the book we bought together at the bookstore, love his voice, love his personality...

Someone pinch me...I have never felt such a steadiness of life before..I feel less restless now....like my curse of having no one care about me gently and ever so slowly lift..like a breeze spreads the sweet noise of beautiful wind chimes...

marjan · May 05, 2010, 11:31 AM

<<<<Junerain>>>>
I'm so happy for you

enjoy every single moment of being with him

May 05, 2010, 01:05 PM

May the path lead you to where you are supposed to go.

lynn P. · May 05, 2010, 01:14 PM

I'm so happy you had a wonderful date - that's awesome. Thank you for sharing your night - he's sounds very nice. I hope your relationship continues to grow.

perpetuallysad · May 05, 2010, 03:33 PM

I'm glad it went so well. Because I love books, what book did you guys buy?

purple_fins · May 06, 2010, 11:48 AM

I'm so happy for you that it went well.

and thanks for giving us an update.

(I'm wondering too-- what book you guys got....)

oops! got to run-- the clothes dryer is beeping!

fins

Junerain · May 07, 2010, 10:00 AM

Sam called me last night

He asked if I had a good time on our date...I said ohh yes!!!! I asked if he did, too...he did

He is going to call tonight to make plans for Saturday night, his next night off!! Whenever the subject goes to my anxiety/inability to sit still...he perfectly understands, says there is on need to be embarrased by these things.

The book we bought is called Magic Kingdom For Sale, Sold by Terry Brooks. I am going to read more of it Saturday morning..

...still blissfully happy..still less restless & all over the place..feel centered and purposeful

lynn P. · May 07, 2010, 10:17 AM

As soon as I saw you posted I clicked with wishful thinking - hoping you had more good news. I/we all want you to find someone special. That's great news he's calling and making plans. I'm thrilled for you ((Junerain))

perpetuallysad · May 07, 2010, 01:34 PM

Oh I am happy too. Yeah!!! I hope you have a fun weekend together.

purple_fins · May 10, 2010, 11:30 AM

I've been off line for a bit-- sorry I'm late in this reply.

Was wondering how it went Saturday........ are you Ok?

the book you're reading- "Magical Kingdom for sale"---- I thought I heard somewhere that they are making a movie of it........

anyway-- thinking of you

fins

Junerain · May 10, 2010, 11:43 AM

Saturday was great.....we watched movies together, we saw "Bedtime Stories," and he held me close and cuddled...he told me more about why he hasnt seen his kids in a while, a misunderstanding, and he is just starting to get his life back together now.....he told me more about his friendships he has had for years, his mother's day brunch with his mother, his dreams of owning a house in the city, he asked if I was plesantly surprised as I got to know him better, and smiled. I shared more about how I am in therapy, how abusive my mother was, more about my deep friendships, he listened well..

Sunday we went to the most beautiful mall in the city....and he went in the stores _I liked, too

Asked about my clothing style, we looked at clothes a bit..movies a lot......looked for shoes for him..video games..tried the free sample of tea...joked about things...

We are also getting together Tuesday! Then his next day off, Saturday..

I see what I have been missing all these lonely, lonely, years..it's a lot....

There is nothing I can do to get back how empty I felt for so long......but, there are things I can do NOW in my relation, my first taste of love, my shot at sharing what has been a very lonely life with someone, to walk side by side instead of treading water and drowning here....

I guess a life presever has appeared...and I'm never letting go