[Deagansmommy2009]

My boyfriend dropped the bombshell of telling me he has had feelings for another girl, but they dont come close to what we have. He said he has a crush on her. He told me that he doesnt know what kind of feelings tehy are and that he has never act on any of them., Now he use to work with her and now got transferred to another store. I dont know what to do. I have told him if he is just staying with me bc of our son i dont want that, there is nothing healthy in that kinda of a relationship, but he said he wants to be with me. We have been together going on 3 years and 5 months. Thats a long time. I dont know where he stands? he says he needs to think of things and get his head clear... He works almost 70 hours a week and doesnt get to see me or his son bc we dont live together.

I dont know what to do now? Or to expect in the future..

Can anyone give me some advice

[Aunt Donna]

He needs to get his head clear for your sake and your son's. It is his decision what to do. I understand your frustration. I don't understand why he even mentioned this other female if he wasn't thinking of acting upon it. I hope everything works out between the two of you.

Hello, Deagansmommy2009. Sorry this is happening. If he does not see you and his son because he works so much, does his son even know who his father is?

My thought is to tell him the two of you need to talk. If he keeps saying he needs more time to get his head together, I would be concerned. He says his feelings do not come close to what he feels for you. So he should not need a lot of time to clear his head.

If his name on your son's birth certificate. Paternity needs to be established to receive child support if things do not work out. Are you working? I think you see that you need to do some planning if your friend decides to move on.

Good luck.

[mel1982]

I can't say how you are feeling but my wife and I seperated and during that time she developed feelings for someone else but it wasn't what she thought. After telling you that as hard as its going to be you have to make and allow him to prove you are who he wants. Don't give him a chance to test the waters.

[jenkins09]

I actually think its admirable that he told you, and very healthy. He was honest about his feelings and came to you and told you. He could have kept it a secret, and went out and acted on those feelings.

I know it hurts to hear that your man has feelings for another woman. I hope you can both work on your relationship and make it work.

He also has a son he does not see, but has time for a dalliance with Ms. Hormones. The mother of his son has been put on notice that things may be changing after seven years. He does not see the mother either. Perhaps it is time to find out if a common law marriage has been established.

Frankly, I view this circumstance as less than admirable.

[jenkins09]

Hey Byz..I respect your opinion. I disagree. Most men and woman would not be so forthcoming with feelings for another person, they would simply act on them and have an affair and deal with the fallout later. I am not saying all his behavior is admirable, but I can respect the man for being honest in this area.

So, being honest and having a dalliance is more admirable; the lesser of two evils that still leaves his son and his mother in the lurch.

[AkAngel]

There seems to be some assumptions going on that he doesn't live with the op and their son because he doesn't want to. Does anyone know for certain that she wants him to be living with them? I admit, three and a half years and a child together and not living together strikes me as different - but I certainly read nothing to indicate that he wants it that way.

Too, I know that it is not uncommon for people to have crushes on celebrities who they have never had a dalliance with... is there evidence that his crush is a result of spending time with her, or could it have been at a distance from across the store?

Personally, I would need more information to base advice upon except for this... Honest communication is the foundation of all good relationships. Sounds like you two need to talk more or, more effectively.

My point is quite simple, He chooses how many hours he works. If his friend and child meant more after seven years he might even consider changing jobs to have a more meaningful relationship. Even ogling from afar is more than his girlfriend gets.

http://socyberty.com/work/work-a-hol...icted-to-work/

I agree that they need to communicate more effectively.

I dont know where he stands? he says he needs to think of things and get his head clear.

He is not ready to talk. What to do?