[marjan]

It's so funny.....I keep postponing to subscribe for online dating....I have my profile and pictures ready....even one of my girlfriend has reviewed them while back...it's been a long time till I went on a date....I think it's getting too long and I'm getting so used to my loneliness.....

Plus, I'm looking at the guys pics and It looks like most of them are not real with those puffy mussels....why do they post those pics online? I just want to find a regular guy....not looking for a supper model that I end up sharing him with other girls...ha!

okay...I go to gym and then I will do it at night....everyday I say the same thing....and I'm 36, turning 37 soon

sorry for nagging....but I think this loneliness is getting on my nerve....I really want to share my days with another human being....I miss being in a relationship....although, I know how much hazel and heart breaks it will give me

thanks
Marjan

[Sameera]

Well, the common wisdom goes, you never know unless you try. I think that applies here.

From a guys perspective, don't worry about your age or being "supper fit". Sure, do your normal routine to look good but don't stress over the little stuff. Most guys, at least any that you would want to be in a relationship with, will have realized a long time ago that your personality and intellect matter much more than weather or not you look like your 20. (In my personal opinion, I tend to prefer women who don't look like they are still half way stuck in their teenage years, either physically or mentally.)

Anyway, just put up your info on a site and see what happens. You might meet someone you really like, if you don't than there is nothing saying that you have to meet them or even talk with them further. Take the chance and see how it goes. It can't possibly be worse than what your dealing with now (loneliness) and has the potential to be very positive for you.

Give it a shot, good luck and I hope it goes well.

[Perna]

Why the online route instead of going out and trying to meet a guy?

I would try and experiment; maybe that would help get you motivated? I'd find a group/class that might have eligible guys in it in the real world and set that up and then join an online site too, see which I "preferred" or which worked better for me.

[lynn P.]

How about those match sites - I don't want to give them the advertising but you know the ones where you take a detailed questionare and they recommend some matches for you. Please be careful with any online dating - I've heard some scary stories. Best of luck Marjan.

[marjan]

Thanks Sameera.....I think I look okay....not a super model or so...I just look normal and I'm fit, but I don't know what guys are looking for....or that Chemistry is important...the problem is I tried online dating couple of years ago and it didn't work for me....It's so hard to get connected with people that way.....but being lonely is not good either.....
you right I won't lose anything by trying it.....thanks for the encouragement

Thanks Perna....I go out and take different classes, going out hiking stuff with group of people and meet new guys, but haven't find anybody....I would love to meet somebody in real life and I'm still out there, but online dating is another way....

Thanks Lynn....I think I know which site you are talking about....that's expensive and it takes a lot of time to correspond to people.....and I'm careful...It was while back I was just chatting with this guy on one site and then I felt there is something wrong with him....He was so good to be true....He gave me his full name and personal yahoo email....I googled him and guess what? I found a forum talking about him that he's spam and he wants to get money from girls....OMG....some girls had big stories about him and they had his picture...gosh....I reported him to the online site!
Later on they blocked him....yes, they are faked people out there too...scary...ha....

I just signed up for a one that it's kinda popular here and it was on promotion $100 for 6 months....

Lets see what will happen....

Thanks everybody
M.

[marjan]

I got to say that this site is really disappointing....so hard to get connected to guys.....It's so disappointing....

[Tatyana2009]

Hi, I m on one of those too. Just give it time and see what happens. Be careful with it and stick to the belief that you worth a lovely man and you deserve happiness. I also think keep going out to meet people. Good luck!

[Shangrala]

Marjan~

Try....
http://www.eharmony.com

The enrollment is free. Your results, based on a rather extensive questionnaire, are quite accurate.
However, after receiving results, in order to take it further (reading more about a person of choice via your results), requires a subscription payment....I think.

Everything I've heard and read about this site has incredibly fantastic results and reviews.
Maybe, check this one out?

Hope it helps.

Shangrala

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Marjan~

Try....
http://www.eharmony.com

The enrollment is free. Your results, based on a rather extensive questionnaire, are quite accurate.
However, after receiving results, in order to take it further (reading more about a person of choice via your results), requires a subscription payment....I think.

Everything I've heard and read about this site has incredibly fantastic results and reviews.
Maybe, check this one out?

Hope it helps.

Shangrala

Thanks Shangrala....Two years ago I was on eharmony for three weeks....ya...it was good, but long process to meet a person.....I met three guys....I liked the first guy and we went out for around a months, but I didn't find any chemistry with him....I didn't even kiss him....He was just so polite and nice, but not sure why I didn't feel for him at all....I even met his parents....They were a good family....The one that I want to be part of, but what should I do with the Chemistry????
The other two guys were not for me, but both of them were successful....one was a Jewish/Persian guy, very successful....having his own company.....but I think I found myself far more sensitive than him....and again I didn't find any Chemistry with him....we went out two times and I didn't call him after that!!!! The third one was from a city very far....and he wanted me to move to that city....bakersfield....hehehe...Move from LA to Bakersfield???? I don't think so.....
I paid for six month now for match.com....hope this one works....

You know how much troubled I was with Aaron last year....but now, I'm all fresh and new and I don't want him....and I don't see him even in the class....he doesn't come....and I feel so good being over of him....great....

but I miss being in love...going out with a man....sleeping with somebody....even I get anxiety thinking that I don't have any of these

thanks again guys for your support....
M.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Tatyana2009

Hi, I m on one of those too. Just give it time and see what happens. Be careful with it and stick to the belief that you worth a lovely man and you deserve happiness. I also think keep going out to meet people. Good luck!

Thanks Tatyana.....I think both of us are in the same age....I feel more mature than before....hope I make a better choice this time.....

All I want just a regular, normal guy.....I'm not looking for a super model or so....and honesty, I turn off by seeing a naked picture of them....don't you feel the same? or is something wrong with me?

of course, I like a guy to be fit and have decent muscles but I don't want to see naked picture of him on the site....what's with that?

I'm very active person going to gym almost everyday.....I want somebody like myself....

I hope I can find one....but I'm kinda hopeless...that's really bad....

thanks again

[Tatyana2009]

Hi, yes - I am 35. And I feel more mature than before too. But I never thought that I d be on my own at 35. I am really hurting about that. As I was engaged and my fiance, who was my soul mate and the love of my life, was not prepared to set a wedding date and became terribly abusive - I left. And left 7 years and loads of hopes and sharing. I am starting from scratch in every sense. Also financially. But I gained alot of experience and insight. Hopefully that will stand me in good stead when I meet new people. And I hope you feel the same. That you have learnt from your past. I think this is the key.

As for the dating sites: its such a long shot... isnt it... Although I know people who met their life long partner on a dating site. So you never know... And I would say its a positive way to create chances.

I am turned off by seeing those naked pics too. It so sad isnt it - that someone feels the need to put a chest revealing picture and exposing their muscly arms... I immediately ignore them and move to the next. I see them as empty, rude, probably narcssistic males - and I dont want anything to do with people like that!

Just stick to your boundries and what makes you happy. I tend to see it as a people watching exercise - to see whats out there and if there is nice interesting communication then I might agree to meet. Who knows. Maybe it will happen and maybe it wont. Just be true to what you are looking for and dont forget your worth! There are a lot of idiots on it so make sure you are careful.

I had all the hope in the world regarding my ex. I believed in him. Now I am channeling my belief and hopes to myself.

Hugs to you Marjan. xxx

[Belle1979]

xxx Marjan xxx
Just go for it...
I had a nice nice nice date last night... okay so he's not my dream guy but oh so sweet.. and I have made a few good friends on the online dating site (I use one called RSVP).

[marjan]

Thanks Tatyana....I know what you mean by having all the plans and thinking by the age of so and so you will be so and so....but then boom...you get into that age, but none of the so and so things have happened yet....hehehe

sometimes, it's really frustrating to me....but I try to not think about it....what can I do? this is who I am and I'm not an easy going person to just go with any guy....I'm so specific and if I don't get treated well, then I have fight....that's how I'm still alone...argggg

Today, I got some "winks" from some of the guys online, not feeling to reply them yet....probably, tomorrow or Monday....not sure, probably tonight if I feel it....some guys I didn't like and I just sent a "no thanks"...there is another guy, 28 years old, very cute....but he's too young for me....honesty, I don't want to deal with an immature guy...some guys are younger but are mature, but this guy I could say his maturity by his profile....he posted at the top of his profile "C'mon who will read all these stuff...."....I'm going to email him and telling him..."yes, we read...because we are looking for a long term relationship"....then he wrote really bunch of stuff that you don't want to know....hehehe....but he's cute....anyway, there is two other guys, I don't feel anything for them, but I'll give it a try.....
and true, some people gets married over online dating....actually, my older sister has found her husband 10 years ago in an online dating site....that time online dating just came out....and my girlfriend got married with a guy who met online....and I know another firend of us who got married thorough online dating....so, this is another way of meeting guys and I will give it a try...because it's sucks to be alone....and I think I'm so ready emotionally....last year this time, I was such a mess....missing him...missing him....but I'm completely okay now, except the part that I'm alone!

take care
M.

Subscribing to a dating site is not so hard. It is all that business of going through the listings and contacting people and maybe even meeting them that puts the nerves on edge. I think you should just have to pay the fee and the right one shows up for the happily ever after denouement.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Subscribing to a dating site is not so hard. It is all that business of going through the listings and contacting people and maybe even meeting them that puts the nerves on edge. I think you should just have to pay the fee and the right one shows up for the happily ever after denouement.

Thanks Byzantine.....Yes, it's a long frustrating process I guess....but at least there is a bit of hope....not sure if I have that hope in me about online dating....

Seriously, I hope you find the one you are looking for.

[Tatyana2009]

Hi, well - I think its good to be specific about what you want. I think the more you are clear as to what you want the better.

I am not having much results from the sites... All the men that contacted me either just want sex or stop writing without a word.

I think its a bit of a shot in the dark.... But keep trying and who knows...

Personally - I would not go out with someone so young. I ve been through stuff in life and I want my partner to be worldly and mature, with experience and strength of character. I get so many winks but from all the wrong men....

Maybe we should go out one night in search of cute good guys

[Sameera]

In the words of Prof. Wolfe at MIT in response to the idea of maturity in men, "Good Luck".

In all seriousness, don't worry about age so much. Age isn't really that great an indicator of maturity. I have worked with 18 year olds who acted like responsible adults, and worked with 40+ year olds who acted as small children.

Don't ignore a guy just because he is a little younger, find out if he really is mature. By the same token don't fall into the trap of an idea that guys of a certain age are going to be more mature. It is amazing how often that fails to be the case.

All in all, judge each on an individual basis.

Also the comment about being up front about what you want is a good idea. If nothing else it will save you some time and problems of having to deal with guys who don't fit the bill. Go for the type of guy you can be happy with, don't "settle" for someone who isn't going to work. Keep trying and the right guy will come along, one way or another it will happen.

Best of luck.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Seriously, I hope you find the one you are looking for.

Thx...I hope too

[marjan]

Thanks everybody for replies....

Sameera, you are absolutely right....maturity doesn't really come with age....sometimes, we are just hoping to have age as an indicator.....My ex husband was three years younger than me and he was like a 60 years old guy....He didn't want to do anything....all he wanted was staying at home and go to work....so scary to get to that kinds of relationships.....

What Tatyana is saying about those young guys on the net is true....some of them for sure are so mature....actually, it's so easy to find out from their profiles what they say about themselves or which pictures they put out there....Tired of looking at naked muscular guys with so many girls around in the picture....what's up with that? don't they get it, they are in the online dating....I don't want to see your ex-girlfriend on the site....and if she's your mother or sister or whoever, still I don't need to see her picture with you in the first place....that's kind of another turn off for me....

gosh...I'm so picky....and I'm lazy too....I'm lazy to email them....I have couple of guys that they winked me and I think they are decent....well...I don't know till I start talking to them....I'll email them next week....I've been so depressed last night and not having any energy to put on the online dating....argggg.....

ya...Tatyana, lets go and find those cute guys....hehehe....I think internet dating is okay as long as we don't go after the bad ones....lets try our luck and not get disappointed....well....I signed up for 6 months....wow....I'm so desperate....

I'm so tired now....It's better I go and sleep....

take care
M.

[CindyLuWho]

I've been seeing a guy for almost a year that I met online. Just be patient and be sure you know what you're looking for. They used to say "Don't even date if they won't make a mate", so if you feel weird about them at all, don't go. Meet in public places and be honest about youreslf and your expectations.

Have fun! If not your dream mate, perhaps you'll meet some good friends to hang out with.

[marjan]

oh...one more thing....almost all guys' opening lines in the about us is saying that "I'm a very easy going, laid back kind of guy....." hmmmm....I'm thinking if there are these many easy going lay back types of single guys out there, why most of girls are either divorced or single????? just wondering...

[marjan]

Originally Posted by CindyLuWho

I've been seeing a guy for almost a year that I met online. Just be patient and be sure you know what you're looking for. They used to say "Don't even date if they won't make a mate", so if you feel weird about them at all, don't go. Meet in public places and be honest about youreslf and your expectations.

Have fun! If not your dream mate, perhaps you'll meet some good friends to hang out with.

Thanks Cindy....that's so inspiring We need to hear good stories here....thanks again....

[Sameera]

(chuckles)

Also if you ask they will all be funny, brilliant and great looking.

There is a whole bit you get to learn in psychology about how almost everyone (those who don't have any sort of disorder or anything) believes themselves to be "above average".

Pretty much anytime you ask anyone about one of their traits they will believe that they are doing just a little bit better than everyone else, on average. Of course this can't be true for everyone, that doesn't stop people from thinking so though.

Anyway, thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

[Tatyana2009]

Hi, I am with you all the way Marjan! I have a 'dont go there' policy if:
-a guy has a naked pic
-a guy has a pic with another woman (does not matter who she is)
-a guy has a pic with folded arms (this is a sign of agression to me)
-a guy put in free text something about traditional role responsibilities
-older than 43 and younger than 33 (my own preference)
-divorced with kids (been there done that, no thanks)
-and obviously anyone from out of the country (I get so many from Moroco, South America, etc)
I may have forgotten something. I will also be very careful about a guy if:
-he says he is laid back and easy going (I read somewhere that many abusive men describe themselves as such. And if he is not abusive I just think its a rather empty statement...)
-he says he likes clubbing (at our age I am not sure how that sits with having a family and being in a committed relationship... - talking about maturity...)
-he says he likes a girl who is low maintainance...
-he says that you have to be able to make him laugh (what is that all about? I am not a clown or a comedian...)
-he says he is looking for fun time
-he says he is looking for a woman to rub his back at the end of the day (doesnt that make you sick??)

And my list probably does not stop there. So you see how my options and possibilities have really narrowed....

Sameera - I actually came across a profile of a guy who said he is not good at much, he is lonely and looking for a mate, someone to save him from him mess and he is not sure what he is looking for. I am not sure - maybe it was a joke but the whole thing just made me cringe...

I also came across a guy who started a chat. Polite guy, asked me what I am looking for etc... we talked for about 15 mins and then he asked me what is my dress or bra size. I was so amazed. He did not even tell me his name... So I asked for his name and told him to get lost.

Another guy emailed me something short and meaningless like 'last chance' and I did not reply. 20 mins later I got another email from him saying 'you are such a time waster, dont reply'

So - there are so many messed up people on there and I really dont think I will find someone online... But who knows. I will try another month since its so hard meeting new people. Marjan - if you ever come to London we can go out for sure!