[seeker1950]

Hi, friends,

I've done an inventory of my whole life of attempts at relationships with men, from high school onward, and it's all pretty much ranging from dysfunctional to disastrous! Counting them all up, besides my marriage of 20 years, there are at least 16, all ending unhappily, except for the high school sweetheart with whom I still correspond. Doesn't that seem like too many, or at least a lot? They all ended unhappily, either by my hurting them or them hurting me.

I recount long, long periods of recovery from many of them, including this last one about which I came here initially and posted.

I am thinking maybe it's time to give it up. At one point, when I shared with my elderly mother that I had met a man, she stated, "You're a 53 year old woman! What do you thing you're doing?" I'm beginning to think she is right!

My nature really has been to be kind, affectionate, loyal and generous to a fault, completely devoted. Each failure has devastated me, particularly this last one.
Do I sound like a floozy?

I'm beginning to think I need to build a shell of indifference around myself and remain solitary. I did so for three years prior to this last attempt. Feeling brave once again, I ventured out, only to experience extreme heartache.

Is my history unique? Are there others here who have tried as much as I?

Seeker

[Myzen]

Seeker,

Gosh, you have certainly been honest with us, which has to be a good thing.

I, for one, don't believe that we have to continue with destructive patterns until our dying day, although some people do this. Patterns can be changed; recognised and then changed.

IMHO the desire to give up, and pull the shutters closed, is a depressive reaction, quite understandable but depressive.

Have you thought about what you really want from a relationship with a man? I have noticed that most new relationships go wrong through the expectations of those concerned. The more we think 'finally, this relationship will put everything right', the more pressure we are putting on ourselves (I'm not saying that you do this, only that some people do it).

Starting a friendship with a clean slate and no expectations gives the new friendship a great chance of success. So I would say - stay in the game, and let things happen. But, whatever you do, don't think of a new male friend as the next one on the list.

I have taken advice from you and others here on PC, and when my pattern kicks in I will remember you folks and change direction. I think it takes a lot of discipline, but it's not impossible, otherwise we would all be robots!

Positive thoughts, M

[Artist]

I have had my share of failed relationships. Still I believe that it is possible to find that special someone. Not all mine ended badly I am still on speaking term with some of my past loves Others i am sure have made voodoo dolls of me and are still sticking those pins in. that the only way i can explain those aches and pains..