[Yoda]

You may have read my thread about my hoarding. I have been talking to producers at TLC and we have agreed to film for the show. They are supposed to be here June 5 to begin filming.

They asked about my family. I told them my mom is a hoarder. I also told them I do not have a good relationship with my mom and sisters when they asked if they might come to be filmed. I asked my sister if TLC could film my mother's hoarding and my sister emphatically said no.

The assistant producer asked for my mom/sisters' telephone number and said she wanted to get some perspective on what I was like growing up and all. Just information seeking. I was fine with that and in my email I asked that she tell them that I am tentatively considering filming because I do not want them to know details.

Today I got a copy of an email that my sister sent to the asst producer saying they would be happy to come to my house to be filmed next week. I am furious. How dare the producer invite them to my house without asking me. My family did not visit me when my house was cluttered nor when it was clean but a chance for five minutes of celebrity and here they come. I told the producer that when I killed my violent BF in self defense my sister had talked to somebody at our local newspaper, which was fine because she had no way to contact me because I was with the state trooper for five hours. But she told me the reporter had asked her to call back the next day for an update and I said I don't want you to call her but my sister said but I promised and called her despite my wishes. She got her name in the newspaper. I guess that is what she wanted.

I left a voicemail just now for the real producer saying we have a big problem, call me and sent an email. In the email I mentioned how my mother reacted when a few years ago she found out her brother sexually assaulted me as a child and she denied that it was him, I must have it confused it was probably my dad, and then she asked how far up did he stick it? Empathy huh? She died to me as a mother that day. I also wrote in the email that a few months ago when she invited him to a meal that she invited me to I declined to come because I was tired of pretending nothing happened and she said oh when you said he did that I thought you were joking. haha funny joke.

I am afraid this is going to be a big problem now between my family and me. How can I smooth this over yet not have them filmed at my house? I do not want to have a Jerry Springer type video.

I am furious. I emailed their office. I left voicemail for the asst who screwed everything up and left voicemail for the producer that we have a big problem. I am furious. Furious. Did you catch that I am furious?

[salukigirl]

Wow. I think I would be more furious at the sister for not giving a crap unless it meant she got to be in the news or on tv. Why would they film at your house if your mother is the hoarder?

But honestly, you telling them all that went on and why this would cause drama, might make them want to do it more. That's what these shows thrive on. They don't care that you don't want that situation in your house, they want it more BECAUSE you don't want it. They might try to sound sympathetic but honestly, the more you guys fight, the higher their ratings.

Have you signed a contract with them about the filming? If so, I would go through it very thoroughly and try to ind a loop hole or a place that specifically says they need your permission first. If you didn't sign a contract then I would email them back saying tough luck. You try to get in my house and I will call the cops. That is completely unprofessional but I would probably rip your sis a new one for seeming so nice and calm and accepting about it. She probably was egging it on. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this crap!

[Yoda]

My hoarding is worse but my mom has always been a hoarder too. But my sister wants to be on TV at my house so I can be ridiculed but she doesn't want her mess to be on TV. I know she would slander me just to make herself feel good.

I was interested in doing the show because I really do need some help and I am willing to be humiliated because of my own mess but not willing to be slandered by my family. Plus a positive is they would pay me $3500 and I planned to use that money to buy my son a used car.

Jason, the regular producer, understood when I told him about my sister calling the newspaper when I told her not to and said he would have been angry too. But this associate producer either doesn't listen or doesn't care. I found Jason's number and left a message to call me asap but it was his office number and I don't have his cell. I think if the asst calls rather than try to work with her I will ask for Jason's cell number so I can talk to him.

I have not yet signed a release and am not obliged to do the show if I change my mind. I am willing to film my mess but not willing to be humiliated by my dysfunctional family.

[lynn P.]

This is a tricky situation Yoda. I think if you do the show you're going to have to get it in writing - so they don't ambush you with your sister or mother. Salukigirl makes a good point, these reality shows are all about drama. Since hoarding tendencies are most often psychologically related, the show will naturally want to focus on this aspect. This also might be emotional for you - for example they might want to know why you're hanging onto things or what's preventing you psychologically from organizing - this might be very emotional for you.

As you said there's the family problem too. You don't want them there, but I think you're justified. After what your sister did I don't blame you. I just had a thought -imagine if you announced what your uncle did - once and for all, he would be outed.

I wonder if the TV show is going to mention your abusive husband? I'm concerned this show is going to be like a 'can of worms' and it might be upsetting for you. You really have to weigh the pros and cons. I think you should consult your therapist or doctor.

[NuckingFutz]

Maybe you could put the last sentence of the above post in your contract? Also, review the show's format. Are there any shows where they allow family members to humiliate eachother?

[AAAAA]

I have no idea where they plan on taking this with you other than a genuine attempt to get to the source of your problem. I’ve seen the show, and it seems to be a large dose of tough love given with respect. In the shows I’ve seen, they seem to want to let the public know what an impact this disease can have on your life.

It’s “natural” not to want a stranger to enter your home when it’s not at its best, but in theory or family should love and respect us no matter what. The family portion of the program, in my opinion, is to show that this disease can alienate even those people that love us the most. The last one that I saw the couple’s adult children had not been to their home for 10 years. Only one of the couple’s combined 5 children was willing to enter the house before and during the purge. They mentioned that the other children were unwilling to come, but it wasn’t done in a way that was disrespectful, just informative, not Jerry Springerish at all.

Could any of this anger and anxiety be related to the fact that you’re going to have to face this hording issue head on? Often it’s easier to direct the anger outward and accept that you’re angry with yourself?

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Maybe you could put the last sentence of the above post in your contract? Also, review the show's format. Are there any shows where they allow family members to humiliate eachother?

I just now sent an email stating that I did not want my mom or my pickle-in-her-butt sister at my house but if they wish to film them at their house that is okay.

There are some episodes that are humiliating but that is to be expected when you display the reality of squalor that you live in. The problem is my sister and mother are likely to say something about my personality or whatever they perceive as weakness and viewers would not know that their comments are not justified. When I was at my family's house a week ago I was telling my pickle butt sister that I am planning to return to work per diem after I settle my issue with the IRS and she said, your doctor thinks you are okay to work in amazement. If she were on the show she could slander me and possibly ruin my chances of returning to graduate school if she questioned my sanity on the show.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

As you said there's the family problem too. You don't want them there, but I think you're justified. After what your sister did I don't blame you. I just had a thought -imagine if you announced what your uncle did - once and for all, he would be outed.

I wonder if the TV show is going to mention your abusive husband? I'm concerned this show is going to be like a 'can of worms' and it might be upsetting for you. You really have to weigh the pros and cons. I think you should consult your therapist or doctor.

Right. I know for sure that we would mention the domestic abuse and I am okay with that. I can say what I want while filming and if they ask something I don't want to discuss then I simply will not talk about it. My son is okay with that too and we have been talking about what aspects we are willing to share on camera.

I just don't know what to say to my family now about why I don't want them filming in my house. I have the feeling this is going to be a big problem. It would be karma wouldn't it if I told that my uncle sexually assaulted me and mentioned my mother's responses when she found out. I hate to cause trouble but I am angry because they treat me as if I am insignificant and I should just suck it up and be happy and pretend it didn't happen. In my mom's mind it didn't happen. In a way it would be kind of cathartic to ask her on camera what she thought a grown man and her young daughter were doing in the barn. We weren't playing checkers, ya know.

I just don't know. Jason seems to understand when I tell him sensitive information but his assistant does not. Another thing that she did that has me pissed off is she set up garbage service for my house without discussing it with me first. I told them that I had not paid my garbage bill for several years and I have bags and bags of trash that I have been storing in an outbuilding and I was thinking about calling to rent a dumpster and getting trash service started again. Well she had the professional organizer set up the trash service. She told me that in an email and I do not know yet if the trash service knows that I owe for several years. She should ask before she sets up a contract for my house despite the fact that I need the service. I was planning to do it myself.

I found this

Discovery is committed to managing its business activities in full compliance with all applicable laws and regulations and to ensuring honest and ethical behavior by its directors, officers, employees and contingent workers. To facilitate and encourage the prompt reporting of suspected events of non-compliance, and to provide employees and contingent workers with a confidential, anonymous, toll-free avenue for reporting suspected events of non-compliance, Discovery has established a toll-free Ethics Hotline, operated by a third-party provider, The Network.

To contact the Ethics Hotline in the U.S. and Canada, please dial (800) 398-6395.

I am considering calling the ethics hotline and complaining if Jason doesn't fix this or if they do me wrong during the filming. I really could use the money and I am willing to expose myself but I am not willing to be slandered by my family.

I think I'll email my Pdoc and see what he thinks. How much humiliation is worth $3500?

I just don't know what to say to my family about all this.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

I have no idea where they plan on taking this with you other than a genuine attempt to get to the source of your problem. I’ve seen the show, and it seems to be a large dose of tough love given with respect. In the shows I’ve seen, they seem to want to let the public know what an impact this disease can have on your life.

It’s “natural” not to want a stranger to enter your home when it’s not at its best, but in theory or family should love and respect us no matter what. The family portion of the program, in my opinion, is to show that this disease can alienate even those people that love us the most. The last one that I saw the couple’s adult children had not been to their home for 10 years. Only one of the couple’s combined 5 children was willing to enter the house before and during the purge. They mentioned that the other children were unwilling to come, but it wasn’t done in a way that was disrespectful, just informative, not Jerry Springerish at all.

Could any of this anger and anxiety be related to the fact that you’re going to have to face this hording issue head on? Often it’s easier to direct the anger outward and accept that you’re angry with yourself?

My family alienated me before the clutter was bad. I asked my son this evening when was the last time he could recall that my mom or sisters have come to visit us and neither of us could remember when. My dad and brother have been down but not my mom and sisters. When my mom and sisters moved into a new house in 2000 they did not even call me to tell me they had moved nor to give me their new telephone number. I knew they were in the process of building a new house but did not know it would be ready that soon. My cousin told me they had moved; I don't think my family wants me around much. I don't fit in with them. My youngest sister has been disrespectful for as long as I can remember. Not just to me but to everybody. Nobody wants to be around her because she is an unhappy, angry person. She is aggressive and demanding and bossy. My mother is passive aggressive. My other sister is dependent because she is scared to drive, scared to try new things. When my sister was in college she came home every single weekend. Never ever spent a weekend in college socializing. My step dad was dead and I think my mom was (is) afraid to be by herself and she has encouraged them to stay with her at the cost of them having husbands and children of their own. I know I have my own emotional problems and I acknowledge those but my mom/sisters are a dysfunctional, codependent mess and they do not grasp that and they don't try to solve their problems.

I have had conversations with four people at Discovery and it went well with three but the one doesn't seem to listen/understand or maybe she just doesn't care. I know that they want to make the show interesting and if there is drama they want to film it but I have other people that they can bring on the show like my exhusband and my son's friends and I trust them not to intentionally humiliate us. My pickle butt sister though doesn't care about my best interests. I have known that for a long time.

Indeed I do have more anxiety as I think about exposing myself but I think there is some possible gain to be had. It really is not so much about what Discovery does because they are just there to document the reality as it is. The real help will depend on the quality of the therapist and the professional organizer.

[AkAngel]

I have been on television or involved in the filming of shows a number of times. Since the process is so alien to most people, they are able to bamboozle contributors to the show with relative ease. One producer playing the part of friend and mentor walking you through the process and suddenly, "Oh my gosh, I'm as surprised as you are. Don't worry, let me talk to him and I'm sure I can straighten this out."

They are on the same team and the goal is to make the show as dramatic as possible. Your best interests are not the goal. I wish you well with whatever you decide.

[sunrise]

It sounds like bad news, Yoda. I hope you can get out of it. Look how much turmoil it's causing. Yuck. I know the $3500 would be so helpful, but do you think it is worth it? Only you know.

[Rhapsody]

Stick to what you stand for and DO NOT let them do all the filming at your house... make your mom and sister take some of the responsibility that is theirs to have.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

Stick to what you stand for and DO NOT let them do all the filming at your house... make your mom and sister take some of the responsibility that is theirs to have.

With respect, whether or not they do all the filming at her house or not, it is not reflective of what will be in the final cut. If she insists on having some filming done at other locations, they may do so to appease her and then throw those reels away.

[trance]

Run Yoda Run...or...stand up to these people and let them know what is and what isn't gonna happen...if hoarding is the thing...then hoarding should be all there is...as for the show...ratings are the thing...nothing else matters...you have to be just like them...your sanity is more important than a silly tv program...3500 dollars says they say anything and do anything they want with your story...make sure your contract says 3500 for the hoarding story anything else is extra...I hope it turns out good for you and take care Yoda...

[seeker1950]

Yoda, hunny! I've been thinking about you ever since you first posted the possibility of participating in the Hoarders program.

I've watched a lot of the Discovery Hoarders programs. It seems that all the programs focus on the main character/hoarder, with the family or friends as peripheral characters. The family/friends are always concerned, and often "victims" of the hoarder (as in family who live with the hoarder). I've never seen one, NOT ONE, in which other family members were exposed as having problems themselves,though some have indeed been identified as having their own issues with hoarding. LynnP has a valid point that the producers of such a program want "drama" for ratings. AkAngel also has some good insights...that you have no control of what goes into the final cut of the program.

It is brave and commendable that you want to take on this issue and share it in a TV program, but you must ask yourself if you are willing to settle for whatever the final product may be. It is June 7 as I write this. Let us know what has transpired, and how you are dealing with it.
Patty

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by sunrise

It sounds like bad news, Yoda. I hope you can get out of it. Look how much turmoil it's causing. Yuck. I know the $3500 would be so helpful, but do you think it is worth it? Only you know.

Hi Yoda,
I think Sunrise makes a good point.

To me, part of getting better has been to distance myself from the family members who cause pain. It sounds like the process has brought your mom and sisters right back in (whether wanted or not). How does it weigh out? Might it be better to continue looking for help on your own and leave the people that cause you pain behind. The therapy process may be slower but maybe healthier in the long-run.
Good thoughts your way...
E

[seeker1950]

Yoda, hoping you are okay.

I just wanted to add something kind of off-topic regarding the Hoarders programs, and that is how they affect me! I mentioned to you in an earlier thread that I have trouble sitting thru and watching an entire episode of this program. I find it almost painful to watch!, and that is because I can see elements of myself in each hoarder. No, I'm not a hoarder, but I find it easy to let my surroundings become unmanageable, and cluttered to the point of distraction. Each time I've watched the program, I've been motivated to clear an area, so in that sense the show has been therapeutic for me. I am betting others find it helpful in that way also.

I'm thinking of you, and hoping you are okay. Let us know how you are doing.
Patty

Originally Posted by Yoda

I just now sent an email stating that I did not want my mom or my pickle-in-her-butt sister at my house but if they wish to film them at their house that is okay.

There are some episodes that are humiliating but that is to be expected when you display the reality of squalor that you live in. The problem is my sister and mother are likely to say something about my personality or whatever they perceive as weakness and viewers would not know that their comments are not justified. ... If she were on the show she could slander me and possibly ruin my chances of returning to graduate school if she questioned my sanity on the show.

yoda, i don't know whether or not this show would be worth doing, but your family could still slander you whether or not they film at your house. if they film your family at their house they might just slander you then while being filmed.