[thunderbear]

On Saturday June the 5th, my cousin, Jessie, invited me down to play cornhole and ladderball. Well when I got there her boyfriend, Steve, was drunk on vodka. When I first pulled up he came up on my truck cussing and acting stupid. I ignored it because at the time, I had not met him and did'nt know that was her boyfriend. So I got out and me and my son walked up the yard and my cousin made my son get in the house with the other kids. Me, her, her little brother John and his girlfriend, Heather, sat down in there lawn chairs and they told me who he was and what had happened. Apperently Jessie and Steve got into an argument just a few minutes before and he pushed her and threatened her. Anyway, I was telling her she did'nt need that around her kids that he should leave. Well he was at the end of the driveway and called me the b word and I walked down there and said "Why did you say that you don't even know me." And I asked him if he wanted some water or something an gave him a ciggerette. Well he got up and put his finger in my chest and said "If you talk about me again, I will break both your "f ing" legs and knock you GD teeth out." I looked at him and it was'nt just the alcohol talking I have seen alot of drunks make those threats but never one with that look in his eyes. He sat back down and proceeded to tell me that he was crazy and could hurt me and Jessie and whoever else wanted some of him. i told himhe needed to keep is voice down cause of the kids. He grabbed at me so i walked off. I told my cousin she needed to get him out of there. She had her ex husband comne down and load him up and take him home. Well Saturday before last I called her to see what she was doing that night and if she wanted to hang out and have a beer and watch a movie. She said "hold on I gotta pay the lady here" (she was at McD's) and handed the phone to Steve. I asked who was this and he said Stve. Then I told him Why would I want to talk to you I dont' want to talk to you. Well that was the end of that me and my cousin chatted a little longer. And we hung up on good terms. Fast forward to that Monday. I called her to see if she was going to the fair and before I got the first 2 words out she started in on me. Accusing me of cussing out her boyfriend on the phone and calling him names (which I did not do) and told me i had to forgive him and make friends with him. Well I tried to tell her I did'nt cuss him, we were only on the phone with eachother for all of 10 seconds) but she would'nt listen, she cussed me out and hung up on me. Well she has been messeging me today saying "You are narrow minded when it comes to Steve" "I don't know what put you on a high horse" Well I told her my reasons have nothing to do with what kind of person Steve is, I just don't feel comfortable around him. And I can't help how I feel. And that he scares me. She messaged back "Well I sure hope your future is better than your past becuase we all know that you reap what you sew, and when you fall off of your high horse it's going to be a long hard fall. You ain't nothing but a judgmental selfish rude person. And I don't care if i never see you again. And you are f-ing selfish person and you will get what you deserve." All this from someone who has been my friend all my life. She was more like a sister than a cousin. And she does this to me. Now I am sitting here thinking about all my past mistakes and how what if she is right about the reaping what you sew thing. I tell you, i did'nt cuss that guy out. I'm not judging him i just don't want to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. And all she can do is cuss me and call me things

[Perna]

Tbear, remember who YOU are! You did not cuss the guy out and the guy is a mess/danger. I was surprised you didn't say you got your son and hightailed it out of there after the look he gave you and the cussing out, etc. I applaud your telling him you didn't want to talk to him.

Your cousin-friend (my father in law, before my husband and I married didn't know what to call me and decided on friend-in-law :-) may or may not get over Steve and come to her senses. Ignore her rants and just call her every few days/once a week for awhile and make sure she's okay and doesn't need you. But don't decide to blame yourself just because they've gone crazy!

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by Perna

Tbear, remember who YOU are! You did not cuss the guy out and the guy is a mess/danger. I was surprised you didn't say you got your son and hightailed it out of there after the look he gave you and the cussing out, etc. I applaud your telling him you didn't want to talk to him.

Your cousin-friend (my father in law, before my husband and I married didn't know what to call me and decided on friend-in-law :-) may or may not get over Steve and come to her senses. Ignore her rants and just call her every few days/once a week for awhile and make sure she's okay and doesn't need you. But don't decide to blame yourself just because they've gone crazy!

Thank you Perna
Yeah if her ex husband had'nt of showed up so soon I would have left. I'm kind of glad I did'nt because she was a wreck after Steve left. But now I feel all that is wated on someone who does'nt really want the help after all.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((((((thunderbear))))))))))))

There are some weird parallels in our situations. This same thing happened to me and my sister not 3 weeks ago. She is with a guy who has abused her horribly and her daughter, my niece is with the same type of guy.

When a situation happened that was unacceptable I made sure they knew that I wouldn't put up with it and threatened them right back (my anger from being abused outweighs my commonsense from time to time), both of them peeled my skin off because I refused to put up with it. Never mind that I was there to support her through breast cancer surgery and radiotherapy.

Then a couple of days later on the morning she is to go into surgery her guy goes to a mates place (the one who got him addicted to ICE), and his mother and I suggested that she go with him to ensure he doesn't get the drug again. She had a full on psychotic blow out (hydroponic pot type), and literally attacked me. She then left the house and went lying to her son that I had done something (I still don't know what it was supposed to have been), and then she had all of her friends there attacking me.
It was like a scene from bad boys.

She only felt strong by having all of her druggie friends to attack me. And she was apologising to them for causing trouble, not to me who had done nothing other than try to support her and keep her dumb a&& boyfriend out of jail...

Well the relationship is over now. I have walked away from my family completely. I used to think it was important to keep family relationships alive and as close as possible. But I am over trying to be part of a family who doesn't want me. I've been a masochist for far too long in that regard.

We know how beautiful you are and that you were only thinking of number 1 the children and number 2 your cousin. But when it comes to relationships some women are desperates and will turn on anyone who doesn't support their addiction to abuse,

I think you did the right thing and I support you all the way...I have a position vacant for a little sister if you need a big sister at any time,

Loving thoughts,

Rhi

[thunderbear]

((((rhi))) sorry you had to go through that. It hurts that I lost not only a family memeber but a friend all because some arse. Well you know, when we have people like your sister and my cousin who treat us with disrespect and choose abuse over us, we are better off without them and all the hurt they cause.

Understanding people is difficult. I am glad you are okay, thunderbear.