[MomoBear]

i've been with my wonderful boyfriend for more than 2 years and going. he's a sweet fella', caring, respectful, and so loyal. i couldn't ask for a more perfect lover. i'm a little bi-polar, we had our ups-and-downs in the past, due to my horrible mood swings and the useless fights i try to pick with him, but he's very understanding about it.
the only problem is that i always imagine this crazy scenario, that he'll just grow tired of it all, and walk out the door. i really don't want to lose him, genuinely, especially over something silly, but at times, i have a difficult time controlling my emotions as well, that i just completely snap. i scream and yell and say all these awful things to him, and in the end i feel so guilty, that i apologize over and over, and he continues to hold me and tells me that i'll be okay. i can hear it in his voice that he doesn't want to fight, it makes me feel very depressed that he has to go through this constantly. i feel horrible. i hate being this way, i hate the way i've treated him. He most definitely doesn't deserve this.
he tells me that i don't need medication, or therapy, that i'm normal, and if i'm having a bad day, i have him to talk to. i'm afraid of breaking him. i'm afraid that i'll one day squeeze too tight, that he'll just pop into a thousand pieces. i'm pretty sure that at times he was close to giving up on us.

i've noticed that i mostly get upset over PAST arguments/mistakes(i'd sometimes want him to dump me for being so stupid, but he'd refuse to, thus leading into an argument). and maybe if i learned to get better at letting things go, our relationship would be more comfortable.
sometimes, i tell myself that he deserves so much better than me. but i love him too much to let him go. i'm so selfish. it hurts to think about it.
i don't even know what i want, i can't even think.
sorry for the poor grammar.

Hello, MomoBear. Is professional help an option for you?

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, MomoBear. Is professional help an option for you?

I'm sorry if it's such a huge mess of text.
And, I've had counseling before, but it didn't help as much. Maybe it's because of the fact that she was neutral. o__o;

As from your point of view, what do you suggest I do? I'm interested in anyone's opinion on this, really.

And Thank you for answering.

i am very afraid to seem insensitive.....but i understand bipolar.it sounds like you are very blessed to have this man who is so good to you.i was thinking....if you lost him today...would it terrify you?....what could you tell yourself to grasp the importance of his value?....sometimes we do things because we know we can.so i want you to consider no longer being able to FIX things.so you might then find a path to treating him well and healing.i am noone....but i have lost ppl and wished i had done differently.i hope it helps some tiny bit. .i am sorry you have to struggle with bipolar it is very serious and not your fault....but my point is that ....i dont know you...and yet would hate to think you will lose him...hugs and respect wolf~ message me if you like .you are welcome to.

MomoBear, what you are doing does not appear to be working. My suggestion is you should have a physical to see if anything is wrong. Then have your general practitioner refer you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any indicated treatment.

Bipolar is a difficult illness to manage. I respectfully disagree with you boyfriend, proper medications are a great help with the moods. I also think therapy is a good idea to help you deal with the mood swings and self=esteem.

Good luck.

[lynn P.]

One of the best tools a couple can learn is, how to fight fairly. When you bring up past arguments - this is called 'kitchen sink arguing' - a big 'no, no' lol. I agree, it sounds like you have a nice man, so do your best to learn these methods to improve your communication as a couple. Good luck.

http://www.positive-way.com/howto2.htm

[lynn P.]

Yes I agree - if you are indeed bipolar - it's essential you be on the right medications and therapy. All the life skills won't work unless your moods are stabilized.

[Yoda]

You can't change the past. You can't predict the future. All you have is today. Try to stay focused on how you feel today. When you feel yourself getting anxious about something in the past do something that distracts your thinking. When I need to get my mind off things that are bothering me I go talk to my horse and pet him. Do you have any animals? Even a stuffed animal will work to pet and focus on the softness. If you are artistic you can paint or draw or whatever makes you feel good.

[RomanSunburn]

Hello MomoBear,
I don't really have much advice to help you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. I could have written the exact same post (in fact, I'm pretty sure I did a long time ago...).

I did some work with a therapist on this and it became about interrupting the cycle. If I could feel myself start to spiral out of control, picking silly fights, getting caught up in the past, I'm supposed to try to interrupt the train of thoughts. (Note the supposed to... It's really hard!) When we were long distance, this would take form in getting off the phone and then calling him back half an hour later or so when I was calm, and talk about what happened. Now that we live together, I try to leave the room and distract myself (usually with PC) until I'm calm and can go cuddle with him. I also try to journal a lot when I'm upset.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, I try to have plenty of calm conversations about what is going on in my head. He knows that I still worry about things that happen in the past, and I know that we can't change what happened in the past. We both try to do things to remember and show each other why we're together and why we love each other.

Feel free to PM me to vent if you need to; I understand where you're coming from.

Good luck!
Ro

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

i am very afraid to seem insensitive.....but i understand bipolar.it sounds like you are very blessed to have this man who is so good to you.i was thinking....if you lost him today...would it terrify you?....what could you tell yourself to grasp the importance of his value?....sometimes we do things because we know we can.so i want you to consider no longer being able to FIX things.so you might then find a path to treating him well and healing.i am noone....but i have lost ppl and wished i had done differently.i hope it helps some tiny bit. .i am sorry you have to struggle with bipolar it is very serious and not your fault....but my point is that ....i dont know you...and yet would hate to think you will lose him...hugs and respect wolf~ message me if you like .you are welcome to.

I will not lie, my heart-skipped a beat reading this, but I understand, truly. I always thought if I were able to fix something in the past, it'd make me less depressed in the future when it re-enters my thoughts, but most of the time it gets worse.

I shall try to put it behind me. Thank you very much~

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

MomoBear, what you are doing does not appear to be working. My suggestion is you should have a physical to see if anything is wrong. Then have your general practitioner refer you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any indicated treatment.

Bipolar is a difficult illness to manage. I respectfully disagree with you boyfriend, proper medications are a great help with the moods. I also think therapy is a good idea to help you deal with the mood swings and self=esteem.

Good luck.

I understand, I always held off seeing a psychiatrist, as a last resort, assuming there was other ways to help myself naturally.
Thank you very much, TheByzantine.

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

One of the best tools a couple can learn is, how to fight fairly. When you bring up past arguments - this is called 'kitchen sink arguing' - a big 'no, no' lol. I agree, it sounds like you have a nice man, so do your best to learn these methods to improve your communication as a couple. Good luck.

http://www.positive-way.com/howto2.htm

Kitchen sink arguing~ oh how that makes me smile. Thank you for your response & the link Lynn. I very much appreciate it.
Improving communication ---gotcha'

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by Yoda

You can't change the past. You can't predict the future. All you have is today. Try to stay focused on how you feel today. When you feel yourself getting anxious about something in the past do something that distracts your thinking. When I need to get my mind off things that are bothering me I go talk to my horse and pet him. Do you have any animals? Even a stuffed animal will work to pet and focus on the softness. If you are artistic you can paint or draw or whatever makes you feel good.

This is brilliant. Thank you thank you thank you, so much.~
The company of my dog, sure sounds soothing.

[MomoBear]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Hello MomoBear,
I don't really have much advice to help you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. I could have written the exact same post (in fact, I'm pretty sure I did a long time ago...).

I did some work with a therapist on this and it became about interrupting the cycle. If I could feel myself start to spiral out of control, picking silly fights, getting caught up in the past, I'm supposed to try to interrupt the train of thoughts. (Note the supposed to... It's really hard!) When we were long distance, this would take form in getting off the phone and then calling him back half an hour later or so when I was calm, and talk about what happened. Now that we live together, I try to leave the room and distract myself (usually with PC) until I'm calm and can go cuddle with him. I also try to journal a lot when I'm upset.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, I try to have plenty of calm conversations about what is going on in my head. He knows that I still worry about things that happen in the past, and I know that we can't change what happened in the past. We both try to do things to remember and show each other why we're together and why we love each other.

Feel free to PM me to vent if you need to; I understand where you're coming from.

Good luck!
Ro

Yes~ I think I have seen your post, I wasn't sure if it was exactly like my situation, although I think I was wrong since this is just what I needed to hear to put my heart as ease.
Honestly, I can't help but cry while reading your response, you have no idea how much this will help~ Thank you very much, RomanSunburn. I've found comfort in your words.

I will try my best to follow your advice.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Momobear,

Have you been diagnosed? why is your bf against medication? There are several homeopathic, herbal treatments. They do take a while to work but it's better than nothing at all...

I hope you are doing ok.....and offer the warmest of hugs....and want you to know I only asked that question so that you could apply the answer to your life now....and don't have to consider the thought in retrospect.I have a friend w/ your disorder whomI adore and will never give up on.Just keep in mind you have no power to change anything thats BEEN done ...but every opportunity to choose differently as situations arise.Again...what you suffer ...is not your fault.So please dont beat yourself up!