[peaches100]

I need to talk to somebody about being the black sheep of the family. I have one sister, and she has always been my parents' favorite. All my growing up years, i tried not to see it -- well, even in my adult years! But after falling into clinical depression and entering therapy, I've been starting to peel back the layers of denial, and i've had to admit that, yes, I'm not the favored child.

I'm pretty sure I'm not mistaken because there have been several things that have pointed that way. For one thing, my dad once got drunk and was getting on my case about his disappointments in me (that I hadn't gone to college right out of school, that i didn't have children, etc.). He actually called me lazy, and asked "How come you didn't do thing like your sister did? She did everything right." He also has looked down on me and called me "poor."

My mom also favors my sister. When my parents were moving, they gave my sister an antique trunk and rocker, and some dishes. They never offered me anything except house plants, and our house does not have proper lighting for that. My sister lives in a big, almost new home, and they make almost twice the money I do, yet my parents gave her things, and not me. She told me offhand one day, "We didn't offer you anything because we knew you didn't have any room." My sister didn't need dishes, but we did. We had to go out and buy some.

Also, my parents were getting rid of their riding mower, because where they live wouldn't have grass to cut. It was several years old, and my husband needed it because he's disabled and yard work is hard for him. Even though my parents are retired and their house and car is paid for, and they haven't even dipped into their retirement savings, they made us buy the mower for a few hundred dollars.

And. . .there's other things. Not so much the things they "do," as the things they "dont' do." Like for example, one year, my husband and I went to visit my folks, and i noticed they had a picture of my sister hanging on the wall, but none of me. That hurt my feelings.

I feel angry and sad that my parents favor my sister. It hurts my feelings that my dad thinks I'm lazy and unmotivated and poor. I've worked a full-time job for 28 years. My husband is disabled so my salary pays for all our expenses. It's true that we have a small, rather old house but we keep it neat and clean, and it will be paid off in 6 years. We're out of debt completely except our mortgage.

Why don't my parents like me? I'm not belligerant, I treat them respectfully, I don't drink to excess or do drugs, i'm honest, i've never been in trouble with the law, Iand 've never asked to borrow money. But I'm still a disappointment to them.

I have a house, but my sister's is bigger and newer
I have a job, but my sister makes more money
I have 1 year of college, but my sister went earlier and got her degree
We're both married, but they like my sister's husband more
My sister and I both treat my parents well, but my sister goes waaaaaay above and beyond to get their approval (such as spending 5 hours ironing her shears because my parents are coming to visit and taking my mom shopping even though her knee is blown out). I've given up trying to get their approval, as nothing I've ever done seems "good enough."

OK. I'm done whining. It just really hurts my heart. All i ever wanted was for them to love me, but i feel like deep down they don't.

[englishteacher]

Peaches...I'm so sorry that they hurt you. Have you tried to tell them how you feel? Maybe they don't realize that their actions are hurtful. I've had similiar problems with my family and it is very painful. I wish I had some good advice, but... I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know that someone heard what you had to say.

I have a sister who to be honest is an evil *****. For some reason my dad adored her and she could do no wrong. He would forgive her for everything but me ? Well he did not even see me.

On his death bed he asked for her and my other sister and brother but not me.

I went to his death bed anyway as I needed to. He was not a bad father to me he just didnt see me.

My ***** of a sister hit my mum, she then decided to move to Austrailia had a great big party and my dad went even though he knew it hurt my mum.

It was her husband who was the/my child abuser and when he found out you could see how upset he was but it was because he KNEW he had to do the right thing and not see her as she was standing by him.

When he was diagnosed with cancer she came back to see him and he cried with happiness and carried on talking to her and going out with her until he died even though it was upsetting to all the family as she was going home to her husband every night.

We used to see our abuser pick her up or drop her off or she would phone him while sitting with us calling him darling etc just to annoy/hurt us and dad would smile and look on at her with love never telling her she was out of order.

They wanted to buy dads house and he was happy to sell it to them again knowing we hated him but it made my sister happy so he was willing to do so.

He died before he could do it so that never materialised.

I could go on and on and on however, it serves no purpose I just have to accept it and move on. I know I am worthy of love as my husband shows me every day.

I know he was the one with the problem not me he as a parent should not of behaved that way as all it did in the end was draw me away from him. My sister was devastated when he died I was less so. Yes I cried but not to the extent she did. Even to this day 20 years later she still visits his grave and keeps it looking immaculate.

peaches100, sorry this is happening.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

peaches,

this is saddening for you. I spent my life with my mum like that, only good enough when I could do something for her. I only just walked away from my family many years after my dad died. But I had to do it, they would have destroyed me mentally and emotionally if I hadn't walked away.

I told them why, and that I would never see them again, and boy that felt good; I finally was able to say "get nicked!" So I won't see any inheritance...money well spent I say...

I wish you luck and peace with this...you deserve both...

[rohshall]

Hi Rhiannonsmoon, well said. I felt like that many a times when my obstinate dad verbally abuses me when I don't agree with him. In my case, I have just chosen to have less contact.

Peaches100, you are still viewing the relationship with your parents from a child's perspective. We have this tendency to run after people who are least likely to appreciate us with the hope that they will someday approve of us. But, some people are unlikely to do so. If you could see your parents for what they really are (i.e. unfair, unloving, critical people), rather than the big, powerful people who will approve of you once you play right all the cards, you will stop running after them. Just accept the reality and grieve for having such parents and for suffering throughout your childhood, you will feel better.

[UCLAFan]

sorry that has happend to you.i'm the black sheep of my family to.both my mom and dad liked my older sister more.my older sister treats most everyone like **** and both of my parents still favored her.

[peaches100]

Thanks for replying, everyone. Even if i can't change the situation, it helps to know i'm not alone in experiencing these things.