[tracylee]

I wrote about the man that i have been 'sharing' my life for around the past year. He had quite a history (read my previous posts).

Anyway, last night I was having a nosey thru some chat rooms and I saw his profile which said he was single and and and. This really hurt. So, i told him not to bother coming back from work because he was no longer welcome here. I had to call the police eventually so they could 'remove' him from here.

The strange thing is, now he has gone, I feel relieved that he has gone, like a weight has been lifted of me, the other strange thing is, I feel very violated and dirty at the fact that I allowed this person into my life, he has manipulated and betrayed my trust and my stupid big soft heart. I feel dirty at the fact that, although that i knew that he had spent time in prison for sexual offences, he maintained throughout that it was all lies against him, i let him stay??

I honestly cannot imagine why I would be so desperate for love that I would endanger myself and my family with some one like him around. I dont know what i am saying actually, maybe some one will make sense of what i have written here, but i feel like i am dirty and that i have been violated in some way..........

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((tracylee))))))))))))))))) i'm sorry for your hurt.

[JustBen]

It makes sense to me, Tracy. Sorry to hear about it. Hang in there.

[pimprenelle]

I understand, but it is not you, it's him. You have a big heart. That makes you a great person. He is nothing. You feel dirty because he is dirt, but believe me it washes away because you are not dirty. Give it some time.
Some guy tried to rape me once in a dark alley. Luckily I remembered a self-defense move from a movie so he gave up (nails in the eyes hurts like hell). Because I could defeat him, like you did with this guy, I felt better much sooner than I expected. You'll see! I didn't ask for it, anymore than you did!!!!