[cass632]

im not sure which way it goes, so confused.

i feel like i love my bf. i moved 7 hours away from everything i knew to be with him, constantly try nd impress him, be there for him, help him. am i being obsessive?

i dont have anyone else around me, nd i am having a hard time coping with this lonliness. we dont live together. our relationship is complicated, he lives at home, his parents know nothing about me. he tells me that well move when we get married, which marriage will not happen until he is settled with a good job, and finished school. i am 2 years older than him, 24, and i feel like i want to figure out my life. have at least somewhat of a plan. with him im left in the dark.

in the meantime i struggle not smothering him. its gotten so bad that even when he comes over everything i do annoys him. i look at him too much, i touch him too much.even when i try to b sexy he says to stop or he will leave. it kills me.....

i feel like he dosnt take me seriously (infact he says that alot). i try to tell him how hard it is, he dosnt even try to understand. idk wat to do. i dont want to leave him. i dont have to worry about him cheating, its never that. idk if hes not ready to commit, or if he will never b.

should i leave? should i stay? i am soooooooo confused nd idk where else to turn.

help me please with any advice, no matter how harsh. i need some input.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Cass,

You really are in a complicated situation. I think the reality of his siutation is now worrying him. Muslims are very strict about marrying to their own kind and do not accept Western Women. Many of them are in arranged marriages and he could now feel that he has backed himself into a corner. It was a simple emotionally removed relationship when you were living at home and it was computer based; but then you complicated it for him when you moved to be with him. Muslims are against sex before marriage and so he would be stuck in several areas with you. 1: You are not a muslim
2: you are not what he thought you were, 3: he can't marry you without disobeying his religion which they take very seriosuly, 4: you are not from his own background which also means he is going against his religion seeing you unless it is only for the sewing of his wild oats. There are so many problems here.

He will be very afraid of telling his partents that he has a non-muslim girlfriend. And if I am not mistaken that is what he is referring to when he says he can't take you seriously. But you are not getting his meaning. There is also the possibility that your mental health scares him. Your issues are complex and I would be looking for a free community based treatment clinic which you can get about 12 visits for free.

I know that if it were me and this means if it were me, I would be moving home as soon as I could to a stable atmosphere where you have people around you who at least know you. I know you are not really happy with your family but they will at least be there for you. All families have issues and there are few people who don't complain about their loved ones...

Take care and be well,

Rhiannon

[cass632]

thank u rhiannon. i kno he has to b afraid. i kno i need a stable environment, but my family life is not. my mom is so depressed nd just the thought of watching her sitting there makes me sad. i needed to get out nd am glad that i did...she is great at placing blame nd guilt trips on everyone around her.

my bf has told me before that he wants to marry me. nd that i need to just give him time. idk how to do that....i am literraly smothering him nd i dont know how to stop.
it was his suggestion for me to move out here. i knew we wouldnt live together, i thought i could handle it.

when i worked 2 jobs back to back i was fine...i am having a hard time now that i am free on the weekends...i kno i need to figure this out