I don't even know how to title this

Soo...this is a hard situation.
I can only go to one professional school 'cause it's the only one in the state that offers my program. My boyfriend really likes this other school we went to for our undergraduate year. Let's call the school that has my program school A (south) and the school he likes school B (north). Both A and B offer his programs, but he likes the school B better 'cause of their atmosphere and their reputation. I'm stuck at school A. We both agree we can't do long distance relationship. But he really likes school B, so he's asking me what to do. And I told him he can only choose what makes him happy, 'cause I can't influence him on this. If I was able to go to school B, I would have. When we both thought he was going to this other different school, and I was still working to get in the program I wanted, I was gonna go with him to his school and work there while I study to get in a school near there. And when he didn't get in, I canceled my plan to go to a school near him to take their online classes so I can be in the same town with him this year instead. Now that I can only possibly go to school A, he can't decide between me or school B. And I feel bad that he's in this place where he has to choose like that. It's not fair for him. But at the same time, I have this sinking feeling that he's gonna choose school B and leave me. I want to see it in the positive side, I really do, I try to tell myself, he's doing what makes him happy and then when he leaves me, then I'll know that I'm not the one for him. So why do I feel sad? why do I feel selfish for hoping in my mind that maybe he'll choose school A? What would you do in my situation? He's asking me to be with him up in school B, does that mean he's asking me to not do my program? But then how am I gonna become a professional and support my mom and my sister? I asked him if he's asking me to do that and he says no 'cause that would be selfish. So what do I do?

Hello uoffl,

This is a difficult situation, I wouldn't like to be in it. I do think that if he goes to school A his grades will suffer because he is unhappy with his envrironment.

You can only go to school A to do any degree that suports your major?

I honestly don't think it's fair to drop out just to be with him. I don't mean to be cynical here, but 50% of relationships fail (with a lot of resentment), in this case you could resent him or he could resent you...50/50...

And I don't think he should lower his expectations in his study outcome because of your hopes. I hope that sounds right...not intended to be hurtful or upsetting.

How long is the course of study for each of you?

Put it this way if you had the option of 2 cars, and no problem with money at all lets say the registration was free and you got free insurance and gas for 1 year....one was a mustang convertable and the other a ford Corolla which would you choose?

And if once you chose it your mum came along and said "no I like the other one, please take the other one"

How would you feel? would you be even a little disappointed?

I really wish you luck with this one...I wouldn't drop out and he shouldn't expect you to,

Rhiannon

You're right.
I'm so hoping there would be a way but it looks like there isn't.
So how should I go about preparing for this? Should I initiate the breakup to make it easier for him to choose his school? Should I wait until he makes the decision and while I wait, I can start building up wall to protect myself emotionally so I wouldn't be such a mess when it does happen? Or should I just pretend that nothing will happen and we'll have all the time in the world together?

I wish I had the answers but I don't. I think school is more important at this time than relationships but that is how I think. Not saying you are the same as me. Good luck.

uoffl, i'm sorry you are in this situation and i know you really love your bf. i would wait and give him the opportunity to tell you his decision. there is always that slight chance he'll come thru for you and move with you and you won't know unless you give him the opportunity. if you don't, you may always wonder "what if?" i do think you should continue with your own school plans and if he is committed to you then he will follow you. you were willing to go where he wanted and now is his turn to show you the same courtesy. while i'm not sure putting up a wall in your heart is a good idea maybe you can prepare yourself mentally in case he decides not to follow you. whatever happens please know we are here for you.

This scenario or something close to it will be repeated many times in your life and it never gets any easier. Make the choice based on whats best for you and your education. If you change programs just for him and it doesn't work out, you'll always resent him and yourself for it. Make your education your first priority and then do what you can to stay friends or try a LDR is likely to fail which is why you both don't want to try. Your on the right track.

Frankly, uoffl, I think it is a lose/lose situation for you. If atmosphere and reputation trump his feelings for you, it may be just at well the relationship ends. Of course, that means some grieving. If he does go to the school you will attend, you may never hear the end of it if your relationship encounters problems like all do.

Hi everyone,
thank you so much for giving me really insightful advices. I've been thinking about it, and TheByzantine is right, it is a lose/lose situation. I found myself inquiring someone who's attending the program at his preferred school when I was up there yesterday, because I wanted to know how good it would be for him. I didn't even feel any hostility such as "great, he may choose this school", I just found myself being inquisitive and curious about the program because if it's really good, he'll be really happy and that matters. So, I decided that whatever his decision is, I am at peace.

Bloom3,
I got really sad when I read your post and you said you know how much I love my bf. I'll follow your advice and not put up a wall. I realize I can do this, when he was making me laugh and that made me laugh and cry at the same time since it hurts to think I'd look back at those laughter and he's not there anymore. But I want to welcome those moments so I can live in it right now. Whatever comes will come.

Thank you everyone for always being there and helping me through these sad and frustrating situations. I can't express enough of my gratitude.