[sunny12345]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. He has been with me through all of my "tough" times when I was depressed. I was with him through his "tough" times when his father passed away last year and he suffered from depression. I would like to take our relationship to the next step but he has never even brought up the topic of getting engaged. I'm 26 and he is 28. I keep telling him that although men can have children up until they're 80+, woman have a "time clock". I would like to have children, but not until I'm married. I have a college degree and so does he. We are both financially stable. Why won't he propose!?
P.S- He likes to visit his mom alot. I've told him if he was serious about our relationship, he would spend more time with me than with his mom. I think he is starting to get the picture.

[Belle1979]

I have no answer for you sunny.... I was with a guy for 5 and a half years.. He knew that I wanted to get married.. When he left me for a younger woman (9 years younger LOL) he proposed to her within 3 months of them being together...
Men just don't make sense

[AkAngel]

Not everyone wants to get married; it may be that he is one of them. I like the fact that you don't appear to automatically assume that it has something to do with you, many people make that mistake - kudo's to you for that.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello sunny12345,

I agree with AK and Belle not everyone wants to marry and men rarely make sense because they are different to women.

Women do have a body clock but these days women of 80+ are giving birth in India, I've seen that on the news...

I don't know what to say other than I hope this works out for the best for both of you,

Rhiannon

If men do not make a lot of sense, why do women spend so much time pursuing them?

[Sooles]

he can love you like crazy and that wouldnt mean hes ready for marriage. when youre not ready, youre just not ready - no matter who you are with.

i know it is hard to be patient - but it seems he has made it known that he doesnt want to get married right away, and if you push it on him, he might move even further away from you... just be careful not to nag is all i mean.

[perpetuallysad]

Maybe he just isn't the type to want to get married? I wouldn't have gotten married (it took me 5 years to agree) if it weren't for not having any "benefits" without being married. Unless we are married, I couldn't receive his pension, health insurance, etc.

I love my husband dearly, but I was perfectly happy with things before. And, for me at least, things are the same now, so there really wasn't a "next level" to things.

[marjan]

I was one of those types to be afraid of getting married....and I'm a woman....I always thought that romance without marriage is far better....and felt like marriage is end of the romance....not sure why I thought that way, but it was kinda true in my marriage time....It didn't last even two years!

Now that I'm older, I feel the need of having a partner with me.....and having kids....still not sure if marriage is the key of success in a relationship....if you love your partner, you will love him/her forever no matter if you sign a piece of paper or not!!!

About him visiting his mother.....please don't compete with his mother and don't make him to choose between you guys....that's really sad....She is his mother and she will be his mother for rest of his life....be nice to her....even I heard that guys who respects their mothers are good guys in relationship....so cherish this behavior in him....

But I can hear you being worry about having kids....just let you know, you still have lots of time....even I read an article saying how women are postponing aging by getting pregnant in their 30s now....It was an study about it....very interesting.....It was saying genetically, women will age later if they get pregnant later in their life and they will give that gen to the new generation....crazy...ha! True or not, but it gives me a bit of hope

take care
Marjan

[Belle1979]

Marjan... Love the research on getting pregnant later in life.. lots of hope for me and you then.. and well if it stops the aging all good

I think that the piece of paper can put added stress on a relationship... but in saying that I want that bit of paper too one day anyway.

My ex always asked me the reasons for wanting to get married.. he was raised catholic and I am not religious at all.. for him it was a religious ceremony... a joining of love for sure but still a religious thing... so in a way i think that held him off proposing... (his new girl is anglican and maybe that's the reason behind him proposing so early - which he admitted was an idiotic thing to do LOL)

For you what does Marriage mean?

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Belle1979

Marjan... Love the research on getting pregnant later in life.. lots of hope for me and you then.. and well if it stops the aging all good

I think that the piece of paper can put added stress on a relationship... but in saying that I want that bit of paper too one day anyway.

My ex always asked me the reasons for wanting to get married.. he was raised catholic and I am not religious at all.. for him it was a religious ceremony... a joining of love for sure but still a religious thing... so in a way i think that held him off proposing... (his new girl is anglican and maybe that's the reason behind him proposing so early - which he admitted was an idiotic thing to do LOL)

For you what does Marriage mean?

Marriage to me is just that piece of paper....It's just getting legal....or get a green card....hehehe....

In Canada, if you live together for just a year, you are in common law relationship and you have all rights as a married couples.....I really like that....that make sense a lot to me....I miss Canada for sure....

[salukigirl]

I agree that marriage isn't right for everyone. I was with a guy for over 3 years, we thought it 'was time' and getting engaged ruined us. I think if we wouldn't have jumped the gun we would have been fine. You never know how you will react to those stressed until the time comes and maybe he is afraid of going from this happy relationship to a 'bridezilla'.

Question.... have you flat out asked him? If he hasn't brought it up, maybe you should. Maybe he thinks YOURE the one that okay with staying bf/gf forever. Maybe he doesn't want to pressure you. Imagine being him for a second......wouldnt you be a little nervous asking this woman you love to marry you for a potential no?! I know I would. Not to mention the divorce rate in the US is like 50%.

The simple act of changing from ms. to mrs. can do a lot to a relationship. I got a little upset when my mom asked if she wanted me to have a sign up that said "congrats jess and dave" when we both graduated. I mean...I love the guy but hell no! I'm certainly not ready to get married because I love being independent and knowing that I don't rely on anyone. In fact, I'm the bread winner of this relationship. It's really hard for me to imagine being married and still having the level of independence I have now and I don't want to give that up. My bf is 6 yrs older than me and has his masters; wants to settle down and have kids. I still have another 5-7 years of school left before I'm done.

I would flat out ask him. Or, if you don't want to be that straight forward.....make him watch a show like "say yes to the dress" or a wedding show and comment on it or ask his opinion on the dresses or the weddings. See if he gets freaked out. I have done that before. During Bridezillas the maid of honor was going nuts and I said "I think I would ask my niece to be my maid of honor because I know she wouldn't do crap like this" and he just nodded and agreed with me and started talking about who he would have be his best man. Now if he said something like "why the hell are you even thinking about that?!" then I would stop haha.

Whatever happens I hope you guys are happy together. If the time is right you'll know it. And who knows....he could have a ring sitting in his dresser drawer right now and just hasn't found the right moment.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

If men do not make a lot of sense, why do women spend so much time pursuing them?

[kittenmitten]

Ask him. Do you want to marry me one day? I know he is going under depression. If he loves you as much as you love him, he would want the same thing. If he doesn't want to find someone who does.

[Nupoet64]

Here, too, if you live together for about 6 months or introduce each other as husband and wife, you are common law. If children are involved, you ahve to get a divorce.
He may be afraid of the committment. If you want to , ask him. Make it romantic. If he says no, then you were not nagging, just asking.
I asked my husband. He was afraid. He said no. I did what I felt I needed to , for myself. He came around. The next time, he asked me. But, he had a really bad first marriage.
About him seeing his mom all the time; my husband goes to see his mom almost everyday. I used to feel bad about that. Then I lost my mom. I now encourage him to go by and see her. He has only one mother...ever. Ane she is almsot 80 , a widow, living alone, & he is the only surviving child. Yes, he needs to see her, as often as he can. And I agree with the respect statement....he is a really GOOD man.

[PleaseHelp]

I'm not sure what to say. I'm sort of in the same boat. We have been together 3 years and living together for 2 1/2 years. He's in no hurry to get married (again). I have never been married and would like to be. I know is first marriage wasn't that great, but I feel like I'm being compared to her. I don't think he does. To add to it he has twin daughters from his first marriage. (Whom I LOVE and they call me mom) Who really want us to get married. Its complicated.

Sorry for kind of going off on a tangent.

Getting back to your situation. I would ask him if he ever wants to get married. From my experience guys like it better when you just come out and directly ask them a question instead of trying to hint around to something.

And I wouldn't worry about his mother.

[Envision]

I agree with TheByzantine's question

"If men do not make a lot of sense, why do women spend so much time pursuing them? "

The answer would appear to be that so they have someone to blame for everything in their life that is not right. Any guy will do, in fact the bigger loser they chose, the better they feel, even after the breakup that everyone see's coming, as they'll milk the attention with the "can you believe he did this to me".

I was generalizing; a bit of tongue in cheek. I do not believe needing someone to blame is the reason relationships are pursued.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by PleaseHelp

I'm not sure what to say. I'm sort of in the same boat. We have been together 3 years and living together for 2 1/2 years. He's in no hurry to get married (again). I have never been married and would like to be. I know is first marriage wasn't that great, but I feel like I'm being compared to her. I don't think he does. To add to it he has twin daughters from his first marriage. (Whom I LOVE and they call me mom) Who really want us to get married. Its complicated.

Those who have never been married should try to understand the damage that marriage can do to others. Please understand that in some instances it ruins the spirit and breaks the heart. And just being in love with someone new doesn't heal the damage. It's not that you are being compared to anyone, it is that he just doesn't want to be married. When and if he does he will ask you to marry him

[AAAAA]

I cannot think of a politically correct or polite way to phrase this, so please forgive the bluntness of the statement. If you are unable to discuss this with him, ask him flat out where he thinks this relationship is heading etc any hypothetical marriage does not stand a chance.

Communication is the corner-stone in a healthy relationship. The days when women had to sit there and quietly pretend not to know or care if/when the proposal is coming or that it has to be a surprise are gone.

I would suggest that you sit down and talk. Seven years is a long time to wait for a proposal.

[susan888]

I had the opposite situation...I lived with my man for 7 years. We have both been married before. He wanted to marry 5 years before I was ready to go there again. If someone has been through the pain of divorce....it is scary to put yourself in that position again. We celebrate our 3 year wedding anniversary on 8/25, but have been together for 10 years. Sometimes it's difficult to lose your baggage...but...it does happen.

[susan888]

Envision....I'm sorry that someone treated you so bad...all women aren't bitc***....but...there are too many out there that are. That was a big reason I wouldn't marry my man earlier. He had been burned bad and I couldn't in good faith marry a man that felt that way about the female population. Fortunately, just like me...he has shed his baggage too. Good luck to you!!!

[Envision]

Originally Posted by susan888

Envision....I'm sorry that someone treated you so bad...all women aren't bitc***....but...there are too many out there that are. That was a big reason I wouldn't marry my man earlier. He had been burned bad and I couldn't in good faith marry a man that felt that way about the female population. Fortunately, just like me...he has shed his baggage too. Good luck to you!!!

Susan888- Don't really count on luck, but thanks anyway. I make my decisions based on the reality of things. You took my quote out of context and I never said all woman were like that and the ones that are I simply don't date and I certainly don't go blaming anyone for my mistakes and choices. Thats what separates me from some others here and the honesty of that obviously didn't sit well with some.