[PrincessStarr]

My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is a super guy. We are very comfortable together. However, because of my history, I am now of the belief that unless he marries me, that I don't need to spend any more time in this relationship. We are in our mid-40's and probably look, seem and act as if we are a couple in our mid-30's. Nevertheless, this is how I feel. I do not think that he is lieing to me when he says he wants to be here and build a future with me... but I didn't think that any other man was lieing to me either. My past is over and I am not holding him hostage to it, but, I think that he needs to either poop or get off the pot!!!!! Flip side? Definately! He is a man of character... he is loyal... honest and I never have to even consider that I don't know what is going on. We are relaxed together.. laugh together.. share together and We have respect. Will I ever find this again if I move on? Im nearly 50.... I'm no spring chicken. What to do.. what to do?

[KDlady]

Can I ask what you want out of marriage? I think marriage at different ages means different things to different people. I am curious what it means to you and how you would improve your situation and relationship by getting married. Have you discussed marriage at all and have either of you been married which has caused either of you to be "gunshy"

[PrincessStarr]

I want to build my life with with someone special that I love and respect... for the rest of my life. I am too old to date and be just company. If this man does not think that I am the right one for him, then He needs to find one that is. I also need to move on and find someone that is crazy about me and wouldnt have it any other way. He has some crazy plan that the intends to accomplish in his life... certain things.. in a certain order. Until he does this thing, and that thing, he doesnt feel as if he is ready to marry. He sees it being about 2 years down the road. I suppose I just dont want to invest on a daily basis.... on an emotional, physical, or any other level... in a situation that is not for the rest of my life.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I've seen people late in life get married only to seperate and divorce shortly after.

Have you considered a handfasting? It's like a marriage but without the legal problems if you decide you don't want to be together. And you can handfast every year on your anniversry as a committment thing AND have a great party and dress up!

If you move on from this man just because you want a certificate what a way to wreck your own happiness....would you or point is could you ever find such a man again and would it ever be the same anyway?

I will never marry my partner but I adore him and I will be with him to the end....well I hope I will any way...but marriage doesn't guarantee that we would last

Rhiannon

[salukigirl]

Marriage doesn't mean any of those things you just listed. Some people can be in a very loving, caring and respectful relationship without being married. Instead of thinking about why he won't propose, maybe think about why you are so obsessed with getting married? To me it sounds like you just think because of the length of your relationship and your age that it's just 'time' to do it. Have you two ever talked about marriage and actually gotten his view on it? My boyfriend and I have both talked about how neither of us feel the need to get married and that, if we did, it would be for the family and not for us because we don't care either way. I think that if it seems like you would be fine breaking it off simply because he hasn't proposed then maybe you don't need to be in that relationship anyways? Why does marriage have to be there for you to be happy? If you can't invest in him without that promise of a wedding then it sounds like you aren't being fair to him. It doesn't really sound like you two SHOULD get married. Sorry.

[PleaseHelp]

I have thought about this a lot lately myself. I have been with my guy for over 3 years. He isn't ready to get remarried and I respect that. At first I really wanted to be married. Then I started asking myself WHY. And here is what I came up with for me - it was to unify ourselves as a family (he has twin daughters from his previous marriage). I have since decided that I would be fine with a committment ceremony or handfasting. I do want to change my last name to his. He didn't understand this until I finally told him, that I want my last name to be the same as my children (his children). We don't plan on having any of our own.

Sorry if I went on a tangent. But I agree you need to figure out why marriage is so important to you. A piece of paper isn;t going to make you happy (imo).

[lotusflames]

does marriage have to feature in a life time together?