Help dealing with mom

My mom and I have always had an on and off relationship. The truth is that she is all I really have parent wise but we're more off than on. I love her dearly but here lately I've been really hurt by her. She is very manipulative, controling, needy, dependent, and has mood swings like no other.
My boyfriend and I are currently talking about marriage. I know it's just talk and there is no ring yet and so I shouldn't be all excited but i am. And all I ask for is my mom to be okay. She doesn't have to be throwing confetti but I'd at least like her to be okay. She isn't. Instead of being happy for me or decent about it she is putting me down and making me feel bad.
For most of my life I've taken care of her. I've been the one that made sure she didn't sit at home lonely. Or I've gone out to eat with her so she didn't have to eat alone when I could have been with friends. When I was a teen I didn't go to the movies with friends, go to sleep overs, or on dates so that I could be with her. I've always been the one she has put down to make herself feel better. And now I need my mom to be decent with me when it comes to my talking of marriage. Like I said there is no ring yet but all I ask is that she be decent and stop putting me down. I don't think I'm asking that much. I've done so much for her and now when I need something from her I don't get it. I know she's afraid of being alone and that once I get married she will be alone to a degree but don't I deserve to be happy too. I've talked to her about this countless times and it goes in one ear and straight out the other. I've talked to her about this until I'm blue in the face and to be honest I think I'd get more of a response from a wall.
My question is, how do I deal with this? How do I deal with my mom being the way she is? She's always been this way but now she's getting worse. It's like the closer I come to moving on with my life the worse she gets. What do I do when talking to her doesn't seem to help or really matter?

Hi ((maymie)) - you sound like a wonderful daughter and I'm sorry you're in this position. I understand how you feel some what because my father died when I was 2 and my mom developed an unhealthy attachment to her 2 youngest children - me and my now deceased brother.

Both are now deceased, but she never wanted either of us to have a life because she was afraid of being alone. Does your mom have a therapist or would she consider speaking to one? Does she have friends or other family members? How about a pet....or get her involved in some hobbies?

It may come down to where you have no choice but to be a little firm with her and try not to let it affect you. She needs to know, you need to get going with your life and she can either be supportive or you might have to take a few steps back.

I think you've gone out of your way to be a good daughter but I think you have the same unhealthy attachment me and my brother had. Unfortunately I did have to go on with my life without her blessing and later on reconciled on a healthier level. It's time for you to establish some healthy boundaries. Don't let her ruin it for you or steal your joy. Good luck.

Hello maymie,

What a pity she feels so afraid of being alone that she is wanting to make you think that you are no good for marriage or for anyone but her. You are being abused and manipulated and she is exerting more control methods over you in an attempt to keep you there. She is bitter and uhappy and because you have given your earlier life to her completely she is now expecting that you will be there with her until she passes over.

It is your time and it is fair for you to have fun and love and romance! Don't give it up no matter what. You must be firm and gentle with your mum and sit her down, tell her that you have to have a life and you are happy with the man you are with.

Whether you marry this man or another your mum is going to be objectionable as she is so afraid. It isn't really that she doesn't love you, she doesn't know how to express it because she has never had to share you with anyone. But honestly if she can't be happy for you then maybe you will have to tell her "mum this is going to happen if you are with me or not. I love you and I want you with me but if you want to hurt me I just can't put up with that". I really wish you luck and I hope you get this sorted out before it goes too much farther.

maymie,you seem to be a very niece person ,but you should nt let anyone manipulate you even your mother .