Away from Husband - Feeling fine

Well, I've posted on here about what I now believe is an abusive marriage/relationship. Except I've had to think whether it was abusive or not - I finally know that it is.

I spoke to two old friends by phone tonight: both reminded me of what a good, strong person I am and was - one of the friends had known me since I was small.

The one who knew me a long time told me I also don't have anything to apologize for to anybody, considering my life, what I've had to put up with, and how well (quoting him) I have handled it most of the time.

When I got married, so much of "me" went away. But these friends reminded me that "me" is still inside there someplace.

After talking to them and staying in another place, away from communication with my husband (for tonight), I feel much stronger and better - my anxiety has really gone down.

Tomorrow I have a joint marital therapy session - I was so nervous about it before, but now I think I'm ready. I even told myself I would be ok - even if the therapist sides just with my husband (and I think that might not happen anyway).

So wish me luck with that session - I am not sure yet what I'm ready for - ready to do - but we'll just see how the session goes. At least I'm strong enough to go to it and get through it.

So glad that things are going well. You have much to be proud of. Please let us know how that session goes.

Congrats!

Hello, cocoa58. I hope the session went well. Good luck with getting back on track.

Well, the session went well. I realized that the therapist might just understand more than I thought - I think he understands that what my husband says to me is indeed abusive to me - but not as one understands regular out and out abuse (don't know if it makes sense).

So - first the therapist talked to me - mostly because he wanted to clear up some issues with me (and we did) and also because I came in rather p.o.'ed at something entirely different. I don't know if I am "easy" or if he's really good - because he settled me down in about 2 minutes!

Then we proceeded on to my husband. I believe the idea my therapist has is that my husband can be "taught" to deal with me in a good manner - and maybe in the meantime he might start to get a handle on some of his issues, don't know.

Oh - and what I had hoped for did happen - my husband mouthed off just as he does to me! yay! The therapist heard it and understood some of what I'm putting up with. That alone, is helpful.

But what my therapist did was to talk to me from time to time to "demonstrate" to my husband "how" to speak to me in a good manner. And this was effective - at least for now.

So - we will see how it goes, but right now, things are good. I want to give my husband a chance and see how far he can take his own therapy - and in the meantime, therapy is improving a lot for me too.

I do however, keep a bag packed at all times and make sure I have car keys and transportation. That may sound awful, but that's how it is.

So for today - things are good. My anxiety is even lowered. I feel good. And I think its just "day by day" for now. I'll cross other roads if I have to come to them.

Sounds good cocoa,

heres hoping thing change for you