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#1
Sep 22, 2003, 09:41 PM
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hi, I have not posted in this fourm in quite awhile, but lately, I have been having some feelings come back up, about an old lover, who is the father of my second child.
I do not truly know how to deal with these feelings, because I have moved on with my life.. (or I thought I had) He has started to be more loving, which I used to want, and is acting like he truly loves me, and I am not sure how to react to this ??? I am so confused, and torn up, because if I go back to him, i will hurt my current boyfriend, who has given me a home, and so much more.. <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#2
Sep 22, 2003, 09:53 PM
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(((((Lady_Dragus)))))
Feelings have a way of returning to us at times. And be they good or bad - they are almost all that really mattered to us at one time. I'm not sure if I can give you any helpful advice but I will try. I don't know anything about the relationship you and he had, except that you have a child together. One thing I do know, is that while people can change, it can only be done if that person that needs to change wants to. How did he treat you when you were together, and how much time as passed? Another thing to think on, would be his character. Is he honest, or the type to play games? I know timing is an important thing with love. So many times one person loves another, but that timing isn't right for that other person. I know I haven't been very helpful - wish I could be, but above all, whatever you do - please do what is right for you sweetie. Your friend, Sam
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"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try." |
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#3
Sep 22, 2003, 10:08 PM
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ok, well he used to lie to me a great deal and ues to play a great deal many mind games.... but he has changed a great deal since he found out our little one was his.
I used to love him very deeply, but he has hurt me so many times and he does know this. and he regrets it, but in my eyes I will never be able to forgive him completly.. For one reason, When I told him I was pergnant, he ran... <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#4
Sep 23, 2003, 03:12 AM
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Those feelings are gonna come up, that's normal and not easy. Remember why you broke it off to begin. People who lie and play mind games don't change so easily or so quickly.
Just my thoughts. Hugs hugs hugs, Heidu The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. John Ruskin
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There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living. There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams. There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced. There is a time in life......And that time is now. Unknown |
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#5
Sep 23, 2003, 03:55 PM
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Ya i know,
But see when we broke up, it was befroe I had our lilttle girl, now things are differnt. I am no longer "taken" to the point he has to hide the fact he loves me, and neither do I, .. my life is so screwed up right now, I have no idea what to do.. <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#6
Sep 23, 2003, 09:06 PM
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Hi Lady D,
It's hard, I'm sure... But, several questions: 1. Is your current boyfriend tending your child (the one with this old lover) with you? 2. Do you think your current boyfriend a good father? 3. Why your old lover suddenly get back to you with all seeming good changes? 3. Is he willing to have normal family life with you and the child? Did he start with this suggestion when reappeared? 4. Does your child still want him to father after all these yrs not being together (I assume she lives with you and your new boyfriend). 5. What makes him different this time, I mean not to do what he's done to you, in terms of lying and playing games? You know, if you've really moved on with your life, why going back? I can only understand it only if it is gonna for your child's sake... or you still love him? But somehow I feel there are more conditions to attach and to clarify to this guy if you want to go back to him, above all would be one for yourself, that is do you have the belief he is gonna be right for you, for your child, for the family-to-be, for a lifelong bond.... Lady D, I feel it's very easy for us to be touched by something in our past than that we have currently or we will have in the future, we are so used to the ones in the past, feels it's easier, and hope something would be different... but as far as what I've seen, very few success. The wound you have from the past sometimes would split and begin to bleed again... Truthfully I don't have an answer either, had gone through smiliar situation with boyfriends, I've learnt to always look forward, your destiny is in your hand, baby..... Good luck... ((((((((((Lady D)))))))))))) Best, Toni [i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.
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Best, Toni [i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. |
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#7
Sep 26, 2003, 09:55 PM
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I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply, but I had to read this over and over so I could answer these questions with out remorse or falsely answer them to you .
1. my current boyfriend is a wonderful man to me and to my child, he loves us both very much. 2. yes he is a wonderful father to her, and I also think he will be a great step-father when/if we get married in the futher.. 3. because he wants to be a better father to his daugther than his father was to him. and I do belive he does want to, for he is trying very hard he pays his child support and gets to see her weekly and also does some of the little things I ask for when I do not have the moeny to get it, and he goes overbarod buying things like diapers..  See he never truly disapperd, he just left emotianlly never phsycailly left, but at times I wish he had, then this would nto be so darn hard... To regards to moving on, I have moved on, but my heart is feeling things for him, that I could not feel in the past (long story) I am free in some aspects to let his love flow, and my love for him to flow wich is soemthing I have wanted for years, and now, it is appearatn the does love me and his daughter, but I have moved on with a differnt man, that i care about, and do not want to hurt him. OR the other.. I am in such a spot, that I am not sure what to really do... <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#8
Sep 30, 2003, 12:10 AM
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Hi Lady D,
Are you doing any better? Just want to tell you I had thought about you alot... ((((((((((Lady D)))))))))))) Best, Toni [i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.
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Best, Toni [i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. |
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#9
Sep 30, 2003, 07:01 PM
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actually yes I am doing better.
Thank you for caring enogh to reply adn see how I am doing. I am working out thse feelings, and it is getting a little eaiser Thank you again. But yes I think i am starting to get a grip on my outside feelings. and deeling more with what is going on inside of me <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#10
Oct 04, 2003, 11:23 PM
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<font color=purple>
I know I should not be replying, but I am. I read this and knew immediately who you were talking about. At one time you were my best friend and I cared about you and I still do, but hey. I hope you can get your feelings worked out with him. I started likeing Sean after a while, and I still liked Bryon too. I knew (when we were together) that you were starting to have feelings again for Sean and I did not know how to tell you, so I decided to test to see which one did treat you better. Come to find out, they both treated you and Jess like little princesses. I read feelings and found they both cared about you and loved you and blah, blah. I am sorry I never told you any of this, but I did not know how. I am so sorry that you are so confused and I feel it is not my place to tell you what to do, so as it is I will not even try. I can tell you that I am sorry about your feelings and I do hope that you get them straightened for the sake of you and Jess. Feelings about love are very confusing things, but you have to know what you want. I am not going to say anymore, unless you would like me to. Hugs and Kisses to you, Kitten "meow" "Some people say that kittens are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." Missy Dizick
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"Some people say that kittens are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." Missy Dizick |
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#11
Oct 05, 2003, 10:21 AM
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actually on this topic I would greatly accpet any adivce I get from anyone. It does not matter who you are.
The feelings just will not die away, like I would like them for you are for Sean. I do appericate the concern. and i would take the advice you give just as that, no more nothing less. We all have to be albe to accept adivce from anyone. and I have grown to relize that I do need help now and then, and if you can offer any, I would apperciate it.. <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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#12
Oct 05, 2003, 11:47 AM
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I think your friends and family that have met him can help you even more than we can. How about if you talk to them -- maybe don't say why you are asking, but maybe say something like "what were the things about my ex that really upset or annoyed you the most". Some reinforcement from the people who didn't love him might be what you need to remind yourself of why you were in the mindset to break up in the first place. Maybe?
Good luck, Lady D - your situation is difficult, I agree. But you're strong... I have a LOT faith in you to make the right choices for yourself and your daughters. We are ALL going to be a-ok!
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thatsallicantypewithonehand |
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#13
Oct 05, 2003, 06:00 PM
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se that is where things get sorta sticky, because all of my freinds want me to be happy.
Which at this moment I am very happy with my current boyfriend. I don't want to change anything.. I love him with all my heart, but for some odd reason my heart is also telling me that I need to give jessica's father a second chance no matter how hard I try to tell it to shut up, it wont. <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple>
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