mad plus a lot of other feelings

I'm so p***ed right now. I saw my psychiatrist a month ago and then and now I've been struggling with high anxiety and all my OCD %#@&#!. He said that he thought it'd be a good idea for him to call my therapist just to touch base about me and my treatment. I see my therapist once every two weeks if not once a week. It's been a month and they haven't talked yet. "Phone tag" my therapist said. I know that I'm not a priority in either of their lives--they both have families and lots of other clients besides me. But it seems to me that in four weeks, between the two of them they could have called each other by now. I feel like they don't care. They don't. They don't understand anyway. They don't know what it's like to get through my days, acting all normal on the outside.

So I left a phone message for my therapist just now. I had seen him earlier today and at the end asked if he had talked to my psychiatrist. He said no, not yet--acting all cheerful and stuff. So I left a phone message basically saying all the above and cancelling my next week's appointment and I also told him I don't feel like seeing him at all for now.

I'm not going to do anything rash or stupid. I'm just really mad and hurt. I don't want to talk to either of them. They don't understand all my inner turmoil. No one does. I hate feeling like this. I'm supposed to trust them. I've always relied on my therapist. He keeps saying "Progress, not perfection." I can't hurt myself because I have five concerts in the next week and a half and lots of people are counting on me. That'd be stupid anyway.

ugh. . . .!#$%&*

I can imagine that feels inattentive and hurtful to you. I"m sorry you're feeling upset.

Since your psychiatrist is the one who said he would get in touch with your therapist, what about calling him to tell him that it has been a month since he said that and you were hoping to hear from him by now?

Sometimes we have to say directly what we want, what we expect.

You're right scott.....that really "sucks"! I think 1 month is more than enough time for somebody to have "won" this game of "phone tag". Who is not returning who's phone-call? I have to agree that before making decisions to stop therapy with a particular T or Pdoc, it would be helpful to make your needs (rights) known and then see what happens. If after you have told them both how you feel, they don't get the call made, THEN make some decisions. You have every reason to be feeling frustrated.

good luck! tulips

What are you expecting out of their "touching base"? I think it is for them they are doing it, to just see better what each other is up to in helping you. I don't know that I'd worry about what they are doing, would concentrate on what I was doing in therapy and hoping to get from it. It does take a long time; I was in therapy twice a week for 9 years.

Scott, any response from your T yet? I'm curious whether or not your message got a call back.

Thinking of ya man. I hope things get better and I hope your shows go well.

Cyran0

I guess I just got it in my head that if the Pdoc and T spoke on the phone regarding my treatment that it would somehow 'prove' they really cared about me. Thing is, I really like these guys--they're just super nice and their care and concern for me is expressed at every session. So I guess the other night when I posted, I was just having a little 4 yr. old tantrum that my 'parents' didn't care about me or understand--otherwise they would have talked to each other on the phone. And now when they do talk, it's not because they were concerned about me and my issues, it's because I had a hissyfit.

On my phone message to my therapist expressing how pissed I was, I told him to just cancel my appointment for next week, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see him after the holidays either.

I've been seeing this therapist for four years--I've always liked him. I've never been mad at him. Now that anger has cooled to hurt feelings. He hasn't responded to my phone message. So now I'm reading into that, that his lack of response shows he doesn't care.

I'm in a quandry now because I 'need' these guys, but I'm hurt so I don't want to talk to them. I feel like I painted myself into a corner. Here I am a grown adult and I've just had this little tantrum on the phone with my therapist--now I just feel like a loser.

Man that's hard. But look at it this way, if we were always completely in control of our reactions, we probably wouldn't be in therapy.

What I suggest, and this would be hard but it would take care of it, is to call your T and leave another message apologizing for the outburst and asking if you can get your appointment back. I'm sure you'll be able to and then, should the feelings of hurt and rejection continue, you can talk about that in your session.

All of this is, of course, an indication of what's going on with you and what you should work on in therapy anyway.

So that's my two cents. My heart goes out to you. Nothing worse than having to deal with the aftermath of a freak out. I know that one personally.

Cyran0

My freakout was Monday. I didn't hear from him all week and it further reinforced that he didn't care about me. So I left a message on Thursday telling him that, and then apologizing for being so pissed, and then taking that back because I have a right to feel pissed that he deosn't care about me. On my message, I explained that this has been hanging over my head all week and I can't concentrate or anything.

So T left a message Friday saying clarifying that I could have my next appt. back. He said he didn't call after my Monday message because he got from my message that I really didn't want to see him again or hear from him. He explained that twice in his message--and it sounded so cold and 'professional.'

It really let me down and I was already depressed and just spiraled further down. I didn't want to get out of bed Saturday and just withdrew from my wife. She got mad and then cried because she felt like I was shutting her out. So I got mad--probably because she wasn't reading my mind and my heart--I know that's not her job. I was just feeling like a little boy. She got me out of bed and to do a lot of errands for Christmas.

Anyway, I feel like such a big %#@&#!. . .a big wuss. . .that I'm so fragile that it makes such a difference to me what my Pdoc. and T think of me. I hate feeling like this--like a little boy and my parents don't care. G**d***, I'm supposed to be an adult, a man. . .

While I was running errands, I left a message for my Pdoc. explaining how depressed I am and asked if I should just work through this with my T, or would an increase in one of my meds help. He hasn't called back yet--probably won't until Monday. (It was hard navigating his hospital's phone system and I couldn't find a dr. on call. . .)

Sorry this is long and rambling. That's the update. I'm miserable but have all these concerts I have to perform and put on my 'Merry Christmas' face.

I think your T has similar feelings to yours? You say you really like/need your T but then call him and tell him you never want to see him again. What is he supposed to do with that? He has to honor what you say, take it seriously and try to help you learn that you and what you say and feel are a "team".

Have you ever said to your T, "Gee, I really like you and get a lot out of our relationship"? If not, how is he supposed to know?

I would work on seeing that your T does like you enough to take you seriously! Not everyone else (our parents) always does. Look at you and your wife's interactions and how similar her reaction to you was what you were feeling was happening with your T? But it wasn't about your wife for you there and your T's not calling might not have been about you? It probably was not that he didn't care but had some tangles in his own life and just wasn't able to respond in a way you could see looked like what you wanted to see?