The other woman

I am the other woman. I have good morals. I was raised well. I've never done anything like this before. But I have grown feelings for a married man and slept with him. I am hurt and I have really let myself down.

Hi, nellad06, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

Takes two to tangle; it's not just you, he broke his marriage vows, you didn't. Learn from the situation (I learned not to be so quick with the, "I would NEVER. . .") and decide what you want to do in the future.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes ! And as was said it takes two to tango not just one.

is this something you think you are going to continue to pursue or avoid now? it does take two to tango but we have control of our own choices and how we choose to act with our feelings. if this isnt something you are going to be proud of remember to "pause" and try not to put yourself into situations where you may make choices you will regret.. just remember you cant change what has already happened so dont beat yourself up, we all do things we regret. just try to make choices you wont feel bad about from now on.

(((Nellad))) No time like the present to correct such a mistake. Be the adult and end it. Women are often abused in a relationship like that, with the guy keeping you around with all sorts of excuses so he can have his cake and eat it too.

You are better than that, you deserve a real relationship that's all your own hon.

Been there, done that many moons ago. If your involvement makes you feel less of a person or in some way conflicts with your morals, than the only way to reestablish good feelings about yourself are to end the affair. That is the only redemption that I can think of.

But the real question is what are you doing with your life? Sometimes we do things that are out of character in an attempt to make ourselves feel better - like sex, or drugs, or shopping. It's pretty much the same thing. A temporary fix.

I'm glad to hear that your conscience woke up - if you listen, it will always steer you in the right direction.

All the best, and big Hugs, Laurie

u deserve better than this. u r great just by being here in this life so use this start to seek greatness and dont get down with such a guy.

I was the guy on the end of that a few times and as was previously stated, it does take two to Tango. He is as guilty as you are of committing adultery.

So what do you do?

In my opinion, stop seeing him completely. If he works with you then you have some difficult choices to make because it is obvious he has some feelings for you town. But you need to put distance between you and him.

I think inside you know what you need to know otherwise you would have not posted what you did with such openness and regret.

I am new here myself but I have already found this to be a non-judgmental safe place. Take advantage of that and learn from the wisdom of others who have been through what you are going through. I don't condemn you and I don't think anyone else here will either.

Peace sister

Don't put all the guilt on yourself. If he wasn't having those thoughts while being married then it wouldn't have happened. He is the one who cheated. Does his wife know?

I agree to stop seeing him completely. If you have feelings for a man who has cheated on his wife, do you think he would do the same to you? I always hate it when I see this happen to people I know. They have slept with someone who has a significant other and believe that they will actually end up together. Either they will work things out with their significant other or, if they do leave, they will only cheat again.

My dad cheated on my step-mom with a woman who was also cheating on her husband. They are married now and he is extremely unhappy. The entire family hates this woman, not just because she went after my dad, but just because she is an unhappy person. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad is cheating on her or the other way around already.

I hope you make the best decision for yourself. Think of your own mental health first....and physical. I was cheated on by my ex and, after a couple years, found out he had been having unprotected sex with this girl and lied to me about his "number" when we first got together and ended up having the most frightening week of my life waiting on test results to come back.

Just try to forgive yourself and move on. I know that's a lot easier said than done but we are here for support!

((((nellad))))

Care for yourself and please do not bring yourself to such sadness. It is done and rather than judge yourself it might support and help more to release it and simply forgive

If we can support you, then you can forgive yourself and here at pc you will find support and compassion for your anguish; it is your feelings and personal mental health that we are here to support you with

Have a care and allow yourself to grieve but place this in the sphere of experience and do not take yourself downward

Morgana