[Jess1411]

Ok so here is my story and i would enjoy any help or words of advice from anyone.

Ok im in my final year of schooling and am in love with my best freind for the past two years. The catch is we are both female.

I am not a lesbian, i would say Bi as i have been with males aswell and am also attracted to them. The problem is that one of my other friends recently came out that she was a lesbian, and all of my other friends were ok about it except my best friend who now has decleared she is homophobic.

I have recently gotten very upset about my issue and have done some self harming.

But on the other side i would rather live in this pain than loose her as a friend.

so what would your advice be, tell her and risk loosing her as a friend, or just get it all out in the open??

[psych-mommy]

I think I would hold off on telling her your feelings, for now anyway. Since you value her friendship so much, maybe it would be a wiser choice to seek a therapist or counseling service. That way maybe they can help you sort out your feelings & possibly give you some insight as to why you now see her in a romantic way... For instance, if you're like me, you tend to be attracted more to people who are essentially unavailable. My father was always very emotionally withdrawn from me & I wanted so much to have his approval, to know that he loved me unconditionally, but I never got that validation from him. As a result, I've brought that childhood pain with me into adulthood & it effects my relationships with all men. I see the pattern, but I don't know yet how to break that cycle. I think you would have serious regrets if you spilled your heart out to your friend right now. Of course, ultimately that decision is yours. But your knowing that she is "homophobic" could add to the attraction you have for her...the one goal that's just barely out of your reach. I hope I've helped in some way & I wish you the best!

*~\Å/~*

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Sometimes there are things better left unsaid You could change your lives for ever and it may not be in a good way

Feeling your pain and sorry for it though it seems you would rather have her as a friend than not at all and knowing what this feels like and the changes it can create if you go ahead and state yourself you may lose everything

Wishing you well and hoping your strength helps you through

[bridgie]

You mention you are pretty distraught to the point of self harm. That needs to end. Go get some help for that. Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. Also coming out whether its bi or gay is one of the hardest and most emotional things a person can do in their lives. You do risk losing very important people, family and close friends. Is it better to be honest with yourself and others about who you are or keep it all in? I don't think you need to tell your bff you are in love with her and I can't tell you you need to come out to her. You already know what she has told you about how she feels but sometimes people surprise you. I guess I feel that you would feel better if you "came out".at least that part as far as the in love I would probably wait until she could digest the other information. I know it would be hard. I know you risk the chance of losing someone you care deeply for but right now you are holding it all in and hurting yourself physically and emotionally. That isn't right. Like I said you don't have to tell your deep emotions just tell her who you are. Anyway only you can decide what you want and are able to do. Good luck.

[ivyblessed]

Just my 2cents here-- talk to a neutral person, professionally who has some awareness of the issues of bisexuality. Your friend stating she is homophobic is a just a reaction to another person's declaration of embracing their sexuality. It might be this is scary to your friend and depending on her own personal growth and ideas, this might have been a way to distance herself from the uncomfortable feelings she has regarding her own sexuality.

Maybe it is because I am older (59this year) but the whole process of determining your own personal preferences sexually is constantly evolving, at every phase in your human development. So where you are in one decade may not be where you are in the next.

If it was me, I'd share with my friend how much I value my friendship with her, and also let her know I have had my own questions and discoveries in my evolving sexuality. I wouldn't want to scare her off or make her uncomfortable; but I also wouldn't deny who I am, or that I am open to giving and receiving love in ways that might appear to fall outside the "norm" (whatever the hell that is).

[Jess1411]

Thankyou guys for your really good advice, as i have been wondering what to do about my situation. I think in time i may come out about my sexuality, but as you said let her react first than if she is ok tell her how i feel, but if not than maybe it should be left unsaid. But i have felt sick about my actions which have happened recently, and talking to other people who have totally no idea of who i am and who she is has really helped me to just clear my head and think about the situation. I just joined this site yesturday and i was searching honestly things about suicide, and i somehow got onto this website, i am very grateful for you help and you have just cleared my head so much!!

[Jess1411]

Thankyou so much for your responces they have been very helpful. I think that in time i will come out about my sexuality, but i wont tell her everything and it will depend on how she acts. If she is all ok with it than mybae in time if i still feel the same i might tell her, but i think that maybe sometimes some things are best left unsaid, as i am only young and will more that likely move on eventually. You guys have made me clear my head so much and just think about the situation in such a better light. I was actully surfing the web for suicide related sites and stumbled upon here. I only joined yesturday and just wanted to put my story out there so thankyou for such sound words of advice as it is good to get ideas from people who are just seeing my story. So thankyou so much.

[bridgie]

we are glad you found us then. rather you found this site than some of the more permanent ending sites. feel free to vent and ask advise as much as you'd like. you will always get honest replies from a variety of perspectives, ends up being very helpfull.