How to be open and honest to my Girlfriend

About 3 months ago my girlfriend and I split up due to me hiding the fact i was talking to another girl at work. Nothing happened in the way of the physical, but i did keep this hidden from her-as well as hiding the fact i had a girlfriend to the girl at work. I love my girlfriend very much and never did i imagine us to be in this situation. We started having issues about a year agolack of intimacy,communication, doing things together...it became just an existence for a while there. For the past 6 weeks or so my girlfriend and i have been seeing each other...talking more frequently...even took a trip to Niagara Falls together for a long weekend that we just returned from . We both had a great amazing time and it felt good and right for both of us. The I Love You's are back and so is both of us sharing how we feel, and how we wish this never happened. Just to make it clear...me and my girl were best friends, awesome,compatible lovers who connected on that Soul level...you know? We are and have been seeing a couples therapist for the past 8 weeks now and we are both happy about him and the work getting done. I feel we are moving closer to reconcilation. The only thing is is that she wants me to be honest with her about this other girl ... even though there was no romantic interest, she still wants to know why and how I could do such a thing as deny her,and secretly talk to her behind her back. I seek help in learning how to be open with her...without fear. To be honest with her. I know thats all she wants and i want to be able to let my defenses down and be that guy, but i find it hard mainly because i dont know what to say...i think she is thinking its more than what it was, and although i dont blame her..because i would think the same if i were in her shoes. Please help me. This is the only bump in this road we are on to begin healing from this and i really want to be able to learn to express myself...the big things as well as the little things.....especially how and why i could be the sneak i was.....help me

Hi there! First think about why you might be holding back with telling her, is it her reaction that worries you or just that it`s a challenge for you communicate hard things? People talk to people at work all the time, so figure out why you really feel kind of guilty for talking to the lady. If its just that she is a nice person and pleasant, that`s a normal feeling. Could there could be underlying feelings you have that you might not be willing to admit to yourself and maybe that`s what`s causing the discomfort in you? You don`t have to answer any of this here, but you have to answer for yourself. Sometimes people want a chance of scenery and talking to a new person of the opposite sex helps, it doesn`t have to mean anything bad. It`s natural. Try not to beat youself up. You are doing the best you can and you sound like a wonderful man. You are talking things out and looking for solutions. Stay hopeful you will find the answer but make sure you do lots of self reflection look at your own feelings after you get input from others. You will find your way too be open. Be patient with yourself it takes time. good luck

Thank you SakuraLi....My behavior is even a mystery to me...Had I have been honest from the beginning things would be different now. I know this inability is rooted in some fear from my childhood, but never admitted as much because I am one that does not like to blame it on that. Nonetheless, who we are and how we act does come from that place ultimately.....fear.....My goal is to be able to express to her that my intentions were not to "replace" her, or carry on in an intimate affair....i just automatically felt guilty about talking to another woman is all, and my hiding and dishonesty made it appear to be more than what it actually was...i even dont understand it myself sometimes.....always had a problem communicating and expressing myself without guilt...without fears.....she wants me to be honest with her about this thing and i do not know what to say...because there was nothing there...just the fact that i hid it makes it bad and to move past it i feel i have to concoct something she wants to hear that is not true...just so she can accept it....im not that guy to screw around....i know i should have just been up-front about the whole thing , but i wasnt and so here we are.....

Hopefully she will read your message and realise that there was nothing to it

Maybe you were flirting and that is not an abnormal thing though if you were flirting that strongly that it led to you forgetting your girlfriend and breaking up with her you are doing the right thing by having therapy

Wishing you well

hi, i sat here and read your situation and i have to tell you that i am going through the same thing at this very moment with my boyfriend. he and i have been together for 3yr and i tend to sabotague our relationship by talking to another and he found out. i truely do and did not care for the other but i still found myself betraying my boyfriend. we have seperated do to my actions and i look back on what i have done and i feel it stems down to me not knowing how to open up to. i know i dont have an answer for you (because im looking for it as well) but i just want you to know your not alone.

why don't you tell her what you've written in your posts here? you could even send them to her. it sounds like maybe you had some bad experiences as a child where telling the truth got you in trouble and now you are afraid of similar reactions. so, now you hid the truth, even if it was innocent, because you're afraid someone will be mad or disapproving or something like that. did you maybe have some incident as a child where you told the truth and weren't believed?