what should I do???...

me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years now and we have a daughter together. we live together also. I want to be with him but we are falling apart. we dont say i love you anymore, we dont have sex we dont love on each other and we barely talk that much. what should i do? i want to help both of us and fix our problems so we can have a great family but i dont like us like this. He never laughs or cuts up around me but whenever he is with his friends he do. he doesnt say im pretty but he will say some other girl is. He is out of town right now and hasnt called or anything for 2 days. i called him today and he acted like he was so much happier away from me and he was having a blast. what do i do. i dont want to leave him i want to fix our problem, but he doesnt talk to me about it or try. i try to be nice but he is just so rude that i give up being nice and it starts back to base 1 - not talking or anything. how can i fix it. and how can i get him to talk to me about it. and dont tell me to leave him, i want to fix it so i want advice on how to fix it. please help.

I hate to sound super-negative, but the relationship definitely takes two. Oftentimes, one person puts 150% into the relationship, while the second party gives maybe 10% of themself. To some extent, giving and taking is perfectly normal in healthy relationships. The problem comes in when the giving and taking parties don't ever exchange places.

I would recommend that you start taking care of yourself ~ emotionally and physically. That just might give your bf motivation to put a little more effort into the relationship. I hope that it does! Going to a T together is an option, to have an unattached third-party listen to you both equally. They do have homework for each person to work on ~ which reminds both people to be a little more thoughtful of the other. Like: What's he going through? How does he feel about X? They also teach you both not to attack one another by the way you word things.

Ex: I feel very sad right now. I feel that I don't spend much time with you. Can we spend more time together? { You're sharing how you feel. No attacks on him/her. More likely to get a positive response.}

Instead of: I'm so lonely! You're always leaving, and going out having a great time without me! { These types of words immediately put the other on defense. A fight and tears waiting to happen! }

Best wishes to your little family. Hope that things improve for you soon.

Do you remember what brought you guys together in the first place? Do you think maybe he sees you as a different person? I'm sure having a young child doesn't help with you two spending alone time together.

I hate saying this....but have you tried giving him a taste of his own medicine? When my bf does things like this and starts taking our relationship for granted I just stop doing the things he takes for granted. I let him come home to nasty dishes and I go out with my friends without inviting him. After a while he asks why I'm doing these things and realizes that he was being a jerk.

How long have things been like this? I understand that you want to 'fix' it but sometimes things can't be 'fixed'. YOU can't fix anything. There has to be a base to start with. If he is not willing to try then I'm sorry but all there really is to do is leave and be happy. I know you don't want to hear that but it sounds like this relationship is already over for him. And keep in mind - if you want to 'fix' it because you have a child together.....I would be much more screwed up if my parents had stayed together. Children can tell when there isn't love involved. Would you rather your child grow up seeing her parents just show hate towards one another? Or grow up seeing her mom stand up for herself and do what's best for her? Me watching my mom leave my dad and seeing that whole thing unravel (I was 6 at the time) really instilled me with this sense of doing what is right for me. Hope things work out for you and keep us updated.

Hello beautiful,

Things have been like this for a long time now haven't they? I remember your posts when you first joined and your anger at the situation.

Like shez I don't want to appear negative at all but there comes a time when you must stop ignoring the obvious and accept it. I'm not going to tell you to leave him, no one can do that because it is either your decision or his, but just pining about it is going to hurt you more and more and I don't want to see that at all; it will begin to affect your daughter negatively too.

It hasn't been long since she was born has it? And you were upset because your body had changed and you felt that even though you were pretty he wasn't giving you any loving at all; that was about 3.5 to 4 months ago. Things seem to have become worse since then.

We must all work on ourselves instead of trying to change others, that is really the most important thing I can say to you hon. Something has happened to change your relationship and I think that is the question you need to ask..."what has changed and please tell me the truth".

Wishing you luck and success,

Rhiannon

I love you advice it has helped me out alot. I want to try to fix our problems. I hope everything goes good with us. Thank you.

I dont know if you remember me talking about that girl that is always around and I think he has feelings for her. Can you help me get over that?? She is still always around and I hate her being there. Its like im jealous of her but i dont want to say that. She isnt different than me like size and shape things like that just she has blonde hair and i have brown. I just dont like my bf being over there by hisself with her and his bestfriend which is her bf. What can I do to get over it?