[knty_lws]

My partner drinks about every weekend and a couple times out of the week. The weekend is when he drinks the most. Weekdays it might be a small amount or a wine. But wheb he drinks he tends to do stupid things or text people and say thing he shouldn't. He knows I stress about him drinking. I try to stop him but I sorta do it in a demandibg way and he tells me that won't help I need to help him by being kind. I have tried a couple of time to be kind but he won't stop. He claims that he started drinking when he broke up with his bf about three years ago the were together for about 4 years and I understand that but another reason he saids he drinks is because he says I have an attitude problem. I have tried to change it numerous times before. It won't go away its like its here to hunt me for life. So everytime he drinks I stress about it and now I haven't told him but I get a sharp pain in my heart whenever I stress. I'm just wondering what I should do?

[Leed]

Hi - You aren't the reason he drink. He drinks because he MIGHT have a drinking problem. Anyone who acts differently, and does stupid things, or stays things they wouldn't normally say just MIGHT have a drinking problem. The booze changes them - it's not how MUCH they drink - it's what the booze does to them. People who only drink on weekends can still be alcoholics. It doesn't even matter how often you drink. If it changes you, and you drink to numb the inner pain than you probably have a problem.

He's making all kinds of excuses for his drinking - which an alcoholic always does. An alcoholic will NOT take responsibility for his actions -- it's always someone else's fault. Someone or something else makes them drink. And no one else can make them STOP. You can nag, plead, beg, bribe, get down on your knees - and you still can't make them stop. An alcoholic can only stop drinking for HIMSELF. And HE has to make that decision -- and it probably won't come until he's hit bottom -- and that can be very deep. In fact some people don't live long enough to hit it.

You should go to Al-Anon to learn how to deal with him without enabling him, and without nagging too. You don't want to lose yourself to the disease either. You need to have your own life aside from his problem. You can still live in the same household, but you've got to learn how to deal with the disease - and Al-Anon will show you how. Please go to a meeting and I'm sure you'll like it. You'll learn alot.

I wish you both the best of luck. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

i totally agree with leed. going to al-anon for YOU is i believe the best thing you can do for YOURSELF. idk but he may never may stop drinking-i hope he does-but you can get better even if he doesn't. it sounds like he's probably an alcoholic, but only he can decide he has a problem.
as for you, there is no way you can convince him to stop. it's all up to him. his suggesting that you should be kind towards him is his way of shifting the blame on you. not to mention the other excuses he uses to not be accountable for his drinking.
to qualify myself i am alcoholic but been sober for 20 years...not to brag tho..but i do know what's going on with him, imho, because i've been "there". i almost died as a direct result of my alcoholism. unless he gets honest with himself he will not change for the better but YOU can.
the 12 steps of AA promises us jails, institutions and death if we continue to drink. it's suggested we have to hit a bottom if we are going to see the light. many ppl today have a less severe bottom because they realize where alcohol is taking them. i hope he is one of those ppl. but he has to get honest with himself.
meanwhile you take care of you. please keep us posted and i wish you well.

[knty_lws]

Thanks everyone I will keep you posted on the situation