Kids

Apparently when your kid ignores you your not to get upset, when he yells at you your not to yell back, When he refuses to stand in a corner like you tell him your not to pick him up and put him there, when he refuses to stay there your not to make him but when he pushes you and wants to fight with you your allowed to push him back. How does any of that make sence? Then when you call your partner and ask them for help your not to get upset when they find fault with how you handled it. Even though they know you have no experience with raising kids other then what you have been learning recently. Its not like they can be around to help you learn since they have to work most the time and the kids only try to get physical with you when their at work.

Whether you have experience with kids or not, everything is still the same. Kids are more complicated than operating systems and more baffling than building an engine. SOmetimes you have someone that will back you up and sometimes you don't. The only thing you can do is the best you can do. There is no hard and fast right or wrong with kids because they are all different.

If it makes you feel better, it is perfectly acceptable to pick up a child and make them stay where you want them to stay. Children are egoccentrics and therefore the world revolves around them and feel that you should respond in a way that they like. However, they will learn the world does not revolve around them only by letting them know that you are upset and making them do what you feel is best for them.

I totally understand your frustration. It's hard to learn how to deal with kids especially when you don't have a lot of support backing you up.

Hello Scooter,

Maybe a parenting class might help? It sounds to me as if you really need proper guidance on this and to maintain your cool, the parenting classes are a possible resolution for you. I hope it all works out,

Rhiannon

Hi Scooter - Kids are the MOST frustrating thing on the face of the earth. It's a darn shame they don't come with instructions. It's also a shame that they all aren't alike. I had 2 kids, and they were as different as night and day. What worked with one didn't work for the other -- so I was in LIMBO in my mind. I didn't have a clue if what I was doing was right or wrong -- but thank God they turned out alright.

Just use your common sense and use a LOT of patience. And of course never hit them. I don't care HOW mad you get, don't hit. There were so many times i wanted to bust those kids but I never laid a hand on them. i just gave them a "look" that let them know if they did it again, they'd die! LOL i learned the "look" from my parents. lol

Best of luck - i didn't have any support from MY husband either. He was a jerk. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thats mmy whole problem My husband wants me to be as he puts it nicer. Problem is they run all over me now as it is. But he dont want the kids to not want to come overr and they dont want to come over ever since i started making them listen so therefor im not to make them listen when they are here. I have no idea what I"m going to do.

Come over?So these are yours and his kids but they only visit?

(1) If these are your husband's kids and not your kids then, I'm sorry to say this but I have to agree that if the children don't want to come over because they don't like you, then they should not be forced to come over. I know what it's like to deal with a bad step-parent. Kids should not be subjected to that. If their father doesn't get that, then he's not being a good father.

(2) Perhaps it should be considered that this kid that you're having trouble with might have a chemical imbalance of some sort. I mean some kids want to listen but they simply cant

(3) If this child is your biological child then you're going to need to put some hard work and effort into learning some better parenting skills. A child should never be hit. I'm sorry to say it, but children learn a lot of their negative behavior from their parents. I would suggest reading some parenting books.

*This is just a side not but it always upsets me when the idea of having children in the home isn't thoroughly thought about before the children are actually brought into the home.Then the kids have to deal with parents that aren't prepared for them. It's a sad situation for all.

Don't get me wrong I have never forced the to come over and I never will. As for the kids likeing me they both like me the boy was just mad a corrected him and his mom appladed him which was the problem. They always want to come over and she doesnt let them and says we dont want them. THe not wanting to come over coment was part of his temper tantrum. He proceded to come back over a few days later and stay for several days and not want to leave. My problems with them result in the crap their mom tells them thats not even close to true.

Second of all i didnt hit him and i have never hit a kid.

On the other hand they both have tried to hit me before

Can you sit down with their parents and have a discussion on why the kids are angry,what you can all agree on as 'house rules',and everyone...dad kids ,yourself....speak together on consequences? Whenever kids are involved...it is best to know how society will respond to their behaviors as adults and closely as possible stand within that range of response .Because alot of young adults get into society being oblivious as to the consequences of their actions.It'd be essential to have a chat with dad on what he expects from the kids and from your interactions.Sounds like there is alot of negativity...in that none of the adults are supportive of one another.Can you bring up that irregardless of the differences the adults are having...it is essential all adults be onboard with expectations/responses regarding the kids?I'll tell you this...if I were in a situation where my lover/significant other had kids who struck me ....and they did not step in and be an adult...I would question the validity of my place in their life.Beyond that...I'd have to leave.If a kid "hit" me and their parent didn't handle it...for everyones safety ...I'd roll on out.I couldn't contain myself.lol

It sounds like there are two issues here....

One is that you sound stressed about caring for the kids and you sound overwhelmed. I agree with a previous poster that a parenting class may be beneficial; not because you don't know how, but because you could learn some techniques that may work better for you and the kids.

The second issue I hear is that these kids have issues with being disciplined and acting out physically. If their parents were divorced and now you are in the role of the step-mom, and bio mom is not helping the situation, I suggest approaching hubby and getting the family into some counseling. Kids don't act out in violence just because. It's usually related to some need that either isn't being met or wasn't met in the past. Nip their behavior in the bud with early intervention.....get your family into therapy and get yourself into a parenting class or even a support group for step-parents. These things will help you, the kids, and your husband learn healthier coping skills and can help the kids tremendously.

Take care.

There mom lets them do whatever they want and when their dad is home they don't do that stuff.

Your right that is the two main issues the exwife wouldnt let us have the kids hardly ever until I had my son in July. That is my first baby so I dont' have much experience and then no matter how nice I try to be my two step kids wont listen at all and are very disrespectfull to me.