[rainwater]

My Dad is a dishonest cheater. He has always lived two lives it is no wonder I do not trust ppl. He had four of us kids with our Mother and Bless her heart tormenting her like she was nothing and then left her for the love of his life he who he still sees today when we were growing up and have weekend visits at their home together. Dad was very happy then with his "friend" and pouring drinks for us all, marjuana seasoning in the food..it was the 70's right. So, just a couple of years past and he decided to marry my now stepmom that was 18 years ago. Omg, the family visits feel so auditioned and Dad is so awkward he is someone else.. I just feel like saying "do yourself and us a big favor and go be with the love of your life".
Now I am 45 bp like dad is too. I am straight but 2 divorces. Trust issues are huge..very hard to feel Love..and believe Im worth loving.. Also, I start imagining my bf has someone else better for him he should be with and I even picture what she looks like and then I go. God Bless All, Rain

[alias123]

I think I understand. My Dad is gay, too. He was 40 when he had me, and still hadn't come out yet. Then a couple of years after I'm born, he splits. Great timing, huh? He didn't come out to me as gay until I was 11. Pretty dishonest and messy. I guess most people are messy. Dunno.

The drugs and everything sounds like there was a lot of chaos for you growing up and that can be scary and really mess with you.

I, too, have trust issues from the way I grew up. Lots of secrets in my family. Not only my dad being gay, but my stepdad had a secret son h hid from us too.

Visits with my dad were always super awkward as well.

One way to think of it is he is in pain or self hatred for who he really is and that's why he hides himself from people. It doesn't make it any better for our young selves, but maybe it can help now to understand where the behavior stems from.

Well, I want to wish you well. I really hope you heal from all of that in your past, and your boyfriend understands.

Sorry if I talked to much about myself. Don't want to diminish but share and show you you aren't alone.

Alias

[rainwater]

Alias, thanks for relating to my thread. Mine was such a bizzare childhood with chaos and disturbing confusion. For me, the drugs and drinking that was done to me really messed me up I mean being stoned and drunk as a 12 year old is just sad..Now if I have a drink socially I am suicidally depressed the next day.. I know he has pain and probly self hatred although hes a narcissist putting himself first and expects family to bow to him. I am so different a person.. I mean if I say or do anything wrong to ppl I make amends or try and consider others feelings.
I still wish he would give up this facade of a marriage and come out of the closet with his real lover then he may act real. Well at least I only spend like 3 or 4 visits a year maybe to much I think for my mental health.

Thanks and God Bless,

Rainwater

[alias123]

Yeah being in an altered mental state so young must be really confusing. I started dabbling with alcohol at that age, but if it were condoned and encouraged by my parents...well, that would just be extremely confusing. Nothing but bad messages and lack of safety sent from that kind of thing.

It sucks you get so depressed after drinking with friends. I wonder if there's anything you can do before you go out, to prepare for the next day. Like, maybe go to the movies and distract yourself with a good comedy or something.

It sounds like you are a person who really cares about people, and really tries to do the best thing.

I wonder if it would be possible for you to send him a letter or something, if you dislike being around him or talking to him face to face, telling him you know he's gay or bi and that he can just come out now.

My mom told her gay friend she's a lesbian, and then around me she's like, " I have no idea why 'L' is hitting on me! Why do lesbians hit on me?!"

I always just bite my tongue. But really I want to say, "duh it's cuz you either are a lesbian or pretend to be one."

I don't see why the hiding is necessary. I am completely open about people's sexuality. I think it's all fine, and I didn't have to battle myself to get there. I've always thought so.

Talking to you about your situation makes me think about people hiding and how alienating it can be for everyone. I understand the frustration. It's like what's the point of hanging out when the whole thing is a totally messed up facade anyway.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by rainwater

He had four of us kids with our Mother and Bless her heart tormenting her like she was nothing and then left her for the love of his life he who he still sees today when we were growing up...

Hi rainwater,

I can relate to this and to childhood being unstable. Sending many supportive thoughts your way... You deserve to feel better.

Elana

[rainwater]

Alias, thanks for all of your comments you have no idea the weight lifted off me knowing you have had some similar experiences. I think that you were treated wrongly by your mom and stepfather hiding a child, thats such a part of him. So confusing you think you know someone but we only know the part of someone they choose to let you know. But with your mother, it is sad when you overhear a truth but then when mentioned its like oh no honey..I was only joking. Dad used to tell me if he didnt like some opinion I had that my thoughts were not so and I was being Paranoid! Wow, that would hurt me because I was stable on my meds and seeing/hearing realistically..come to think of it he has never cared to hear my thoughts without critizising them.

Thanks for Positive Thoughts,


Rain